I feel my husband is taking me for granted?

Question

My husband and I have been going through a bad time recently. He has a great new job, but it is a very stressful one. I am supportive of him, understand his frustrations with work etc. But he has put up this wall, rarely shows affection (hugs, kind words).Not only this, but the things he says to me are hateful and hurtful. He is acting so strange. Things got so bad that I tried to get his attention by taking the kids and staying in a hotel. I was desperate to do something to wake him up. He just says "If you want to leave, then go." No "let's work this out - what can I do". I feel I have to walk on eggshells to avoid an argument. When I do say something he says "don't question me". I think alot of his stress has to do with money, but I don't push him to make money.I can't get out of the marriage for reasons I can't explain. Anyone have advice about any strategies that may work with him. Talking it out is getting me no where. I do love him; but my heart is turning cold to him.

I know I am a good wife and mother. I do work. I go out of my way to do nice things for him. I am easy to please, a kind word or gesture will make my day. He has never acted like this before, that's why I believe it has to do with his job - he wants that big commission that will put us on easy street. The money didn't roll in like he planned. Money is nice, but not that important to me and I have told him this. I do not think there is another woman. I just don't like this separateness I feel. If something is not right at home, it affects all aspects of my life. When I ask what's wrong his answer is always money money money. He doesn't think he has changed. I hope some of this makes sense. Another thing, I get alot of attention from men, but I only want his attention. One of the reason he has this job is because I am old friends with his boss. Now all he thinks about is proving his worth or something. He is insecure. Sorry if this is too rambling.

Answer 1

If you don't want to talk to him and you don't want a divorce (is this an immigration issue?) then, get a job so you'll have your own money and live your life as happily as you can be in a loveless marriage.

The moment you get a backbone and stop trying to please him, the more attention he'll pay to you. No one respects anyone that licks their a s s. Husbands are no different. When you start demanding respect, he'll be forced to give it to you or make other arrangements.

He has to know that you could live your life just as happily with or without him. Doesn't sound as if he values you as much as you do him. You can't make him. You can only improve yourself, which will get him to stand up and take notice without any prodding from you. Best wishes!

Answer 2

You should do neither. If you become a rock, you'll be hurting yourself and your child. If you back off--well, give him and inch, he'll take a mile! You do need to get some backbone, though, and ... maybe in the back of your mind ... begin thinking of a contingency exit plan for you and your child. Your child is the most important person you have in this world and his future should come first. You husband seems to be insensitive to your feelings and sensitivity is a prerequisite to an intimate relationship. Do you have family or friends who can look after your child? While your husband is deployed, try to become less dependent on his income. Then you'll have more choices. If he doesn't like the idea of you working, that's a big red flag!

Answer 3

Wow, you seem to be in a tough situation. I guess the first thing you can do is to sit back and examine yourself and make sure that there is nothing there that you are doing that you may not notice right off the bat. If you have determined that there is noway you are the reason for his attitude then you need to pray to what every gives you peace and ask for it to give you the strength and words to say to your husband and ask for his ears to be opened to you and to not just jump on the offensive and listen to you and talk to you and if he refuses then I think the problem may run a lot deeper that you may think. I know no person wants to think that their companion has someone else they are going to for what ever reason they have to be unfaithful but this seems to be a classic example of the warning signs. I hope that is not the case and maybe his boss is just riding him and he is just trying to be a man and not show signs of weakness in asking for help. I don't know if this was any help but I will be praying for you and your husband and I hope you both find the peace that only a couple that has a foundation in true love can attain.

Answer 4

I truly feel like the two of you need to get some professional help. Men tend to not share their anxieties and worries with their wife. They only ask for help if they feel they can't fix it on their own. He seems to be shutting you out for now.

That doesn't mean that it can't be fixed or get better. The only way it can get better is if the two of you work at it together.

In the meantime, you should make a list of all of the things that you love about him. Read that list everyday and add to it as you think of things. Really get into a place where you can feel how much you respect him. The law of attraction begins working and he will keep being good to you in the ways you love. Good luck.

Answer 5

see if he's willing to go to marriage counseling. you might also want to make sure there isn't another woman involved.

I'm not sure why you think you can't get out of the marriage unless you are in an abusive situation where he's threatened your life or your family if you leave.

I would suggest going to see a therapist yourself even if he won't. You need to get clear on what you want and what you don't want and what are you willing to accept or not accept in his behavior. He definitely sounds like he's provoking you. And if you are not in an abusive relationship, don't avoid the arguments. Let them come. Sometimes that can clear the air.

so, to find a therapist, for you or for the relationship, check the phone directory but make sure they are licensed. Every state has a licensing board, check with them too, they have lists. And every county has a health department that can help you find a counselor also

Answer 6

Remember: "Actions speak louder than words."

He sounds very controlling, and possibly verbally abusive. Anyone can get out of a marriage, so not being able too doesnt cut it. You need to take your kids and go, you and your children should be in a happy, loving and supportive home, and I think you could do that on your own. You need to either leave, or not complain about it. Sorry to be rude, but there are many men out there who would treat you and your family much better! Good Luck!

Answer 7

Girl, you are not alone. My husband just got a new job as well and his only concern is how much money he can make. His job requires him to be away from our family which makes it that much worse. I know how it feels to walk on egg shells and hold your feelings inside. If staying at a hotel didn't get his attention then he may have already checked out mentally from your marriage. I'm not saying for you to leave him, but if he's not willing to talk things out then there's little left for you to do. it takes two people to repair and maintain a marriage.

Answer 8

I know that you said talking wouldn't work but ask him one question. It is this - Ever since you have gotten this new job you have been unbearable to live with. You did it to make a lot of money so that we could live on easy street but it did not turn out that way. What exactly are you working for? It should be for your family. You are busy pushing us away and act like you don't care if you do loose us. It is time for you to do some self examination and decide what it is you want.

Answer 9

Sounds like he's stressed and your leaving added to his aggravation. I'm sure that he is not thinking clearly and although he was unfeeling towards your antic I'm sure he would regret it eventually.
Your best to talk calmly to him and ask him why he is so distant and unfeeling towards you. Let him know that you would do anything for him but you are at a loss as to what you are doing wrong to make him so angry. Remind him that marriage is a partnership and being there for the other. By him shutting you out, your feeling at a loss as to where your marriage stands.
If you talk calmly, lovingly and willing to be there to help, I would hope he can let you in. Give him some time and be sure that he knows how much you love him (you should always show affection, it shouldn't be up to him).

Answer 10

Since you know that he is stressed, try not to add to it. I know this sounds harsh, but He probably sees you as another problem he has to solve. His plate is full, & he's trying to work through his feelings of inaddiquisies that a new job sometimes brings. I think that the best thing for you to do is to just handel things at home as much as you can yourself. Try not to be so needy right now. If you need a hug, give him one but don't expect to much more back. Rub his shoulders & feet after a long day at work. Try to make his home life as stress free as possible. He'll soon see you as his haven instead of another problem. Give him time. He's trying to work it out. It's your turn sit back & be patient. He still loves you but he's having a hard time showing it right now.
Write him a letter telling him that you've got his back & you'll hold the fort down while he concentrates on his carrer. He'll come around once he gets a handel on the new job. This is going to be hard, but it's worthit. You'll be proud of your self in the end.