Why would a man insist on his wife staying home and being a housewife ?

Question

When I went to the university in the early 1980s, one fellow thought "Mike's a man and men don't like their wives working !" so he figured I wanted a housewife . At another point, he thought I'd insist on my wife staying home and being a housewife . In reality, any woman I marry has to work and bring home a paycheck . What's the point of a man insisting on his wife staying home and being a housewife ? If a man wants the chance to say "I make all the money, so I make all the decisions ?", isn't that kind of sexism old -- fashioned in this day and age ? If a man can't make enough money to finance his marriage, he shouldn't complain if his wife goes to work and helps him out . If a man refuses to let his wife work and make a paycheck, why should she stay married to him ?

Answer 1

I think many women would love to be able to stay on the domestic scene, but with economic realities being what they are, most women have to bring in an income. My girlfriend works and actually makes quite a bit more than I do. She enjoys her job and still finds time to make a wonderful home.

Answer 2

Both a housewife and a working wife have pros & cons. A house wife can be home with the children while they are small. The first 5-6 years of a child is very important so the mother being around to shape that child is a plus. A working wife will bring more income into the home which can give the family more to work with and a better way of living. I think this could be something a couple talk about before they get married.

Answer 3

Well, some men do feel that they should be the one bringing home the paycheck. They prefer their wives to stay at home. Others, like you, insist on their wives going out and holding a job as well. Some don't really care one way or the other.

Different people have different opinions. It may seem old-fashioned, but there are still relationhips in which the man is bringing home ALL the bacon. In my opinion, if a woman wants to work, and her husband say no, I think she should do it anyways. Either he'll get over it, or they weren't meant to be.

But, if she doesn't want to work, and he doesn't want her to either, what's the big deal? They have a system that works for them, and that's all there is to it.

Answer 4

The idea that one person should be in control based on how much money, if any, they make is very antiquated. A marriage is a partnership and both partners are equal. Working or not working is a choice that should be made based on the wants and needs of the family. There are a lot of couples today where the wife is the main bread winner, that doesn't mean the woman should be dominate.

The idea that power is tied to income is the road to ruin in a marriage. The money comes into the joint account, the bills are paid and the discretionary income is used according to what the family needs or wants. That is the only way to keep your life from turning into a power struggle.

Answer 5

I can understand how you feel & for some people, mostly those with children at home, the woman staying home and being the primary caregiver & caretaker is what works. As for the insistance part of it - some men are old fashioned and if the woman is okay with it - so be it - if it works for both of them.

In today's social & economic times - there are often women (such as myself) who make more $ then the man. Not that it matters, but it would be pointless for me to quit and stay home - not that it would be asked of me either. Each of us contributes equally to the joint repsonsibilites we have (food & utilities) - the rest of our income is our own to do with what we want. Because there is respect, trust & honesty in our relationship - neither of us worries & we never fight about $.

Look at it this way - if your wife made more then you & all of a sudden there was a reason for either one of you to stay home full time - would you concede?

Answer 6

There are still people who think like that yes, but the majority of men aren't THAT idiotic. At least in LA.

I would never want to stay at home and not work. Ok, I'd like to take a month long vacation and not have to work, relax, catch up on chores, etc., BUT I have a very high need for achievement - and I need to have an identify for myself other than wife and mother. I'm not saying that doing housework isn't an achievement (wait a second....yes I am) but I want to look back on my 20's, 30's and 40's and feel like I did more than just take care of my home. Raising children is an accomplishment (at least if you do it WELL), but in my case, I do not want my entire identity to be "mom" - I want more than that. And to tell you the truth, and I'm sure I'll get a bunch of "thumbs down" for saying this - I can't stand being around women who's only goals in life are to be a wife and mother. It just perpetuates a stereotype that the women's movement has worked to eliminate, and I cannot relate to women like that.

Answer 7

What someone's perception of you is just that, their perception. If doesn't mean it's true. The reality of it is that any middle class family needs two incomes to financially survive. The point of a man who wants his wife to stay home is just that, if it is financially do-able, why not? I don't believe it to be 'my money, my descions' although there are those few who do believe this. Why would you complain about 'your wife' having to go out and get a job if you knew financially you cannot support the family on your own? If a man encourages his wife to stay home, only she can answer why she stays - most probably love.

Answer 8

You are being closed-minded. When I was married (I have been divorced now for almost 7 years), he was in the military and away a lot. He asked if I would stay home and raise the children since he would be away a lot and he did not want the children having TWO parents always gone. I was thrilled to agree and stayed home to raise my sons and never regretted it. He wanted me home not as a control thing (nothing could be further from the truth); he wanted me home simply out of a necessity.

Answer 9

I was in a relationship like this for 9 years, I was a stay at home mom. I am proud to say not anymore! My ex insisted that I stay at home, take care of him, the kids, the house, his business, and have no friends. I had no life! It's hard to start over, but it's been three years now and we are doing well ! When I left him I told him that since I was doing everything by myself I would be doing it all by myself!

Answer 10

Some women would prefer to stay home while others want to work. Bottom line it should be the wife's decision on what it else they want to do. I suggest that all guys who feel this way should get together and watch Desperate Housewives. I can guarantee they will change their minds after seeing this or end up losing their wife to the Rico the Gardner.