What is fair for me and my husband now that I work fulltime?

Question

My hubby works 40 hours a week and me I work 40-55 hours a week and I bring home $4,500.00 a month sometimes more sometimes less...but it averages out to around $4,ooo A month.Our rent is $2,000 a month and we have 2 car notes and insurance and of course the utilities and other bills and groceries etc...He told me that i was to pay with my money 100% of the rent and then 1/2 of all the other bills because i make this much money...oh and with my money i have to pay 100% of day care for our son too. My hubby makes $33.00 an hour and works 40 hours a week and some over time time and a half..he makes more than me but since 1000 buck is taken out of his check a month for child support on his 17 yr old daughter he feels i should pay more of the bills. i also have to dress nicely and i am a very consevative and frugal person. he will not even alow me to go get a $15 manicure or even buy a new skirt or blouse on discount..nor a pair of comfy shoes that are on discount! continued....

mind u i said i am a woman that is a sales rep and we must look presentable. he says i should only own 1 air of black pumps and 1 pair of brown ...or even just 1 pair of black shoes to wear. look i make money and i thought that at least he should allow me an allowance of maybe 100 bucks a month to buy say a few items like maybe a pair of shoes or a blouse from time to time. it is embarrassing that i have to wear the same thing over and over again. really embarrassing. i told him maybe if he stopped smoking and stopped buying beer than we could save $ but he said he will not stop and not change his lefestyle for me. i took this job to help with bills but i also want to feel pampered form time to time. seriously honestly i have not had my nails done in 4 yrs! yes 4 yrs! i keep them unpolished and plain jane short because he wont let me get them done.i even buy my make up at target. not at fancy places either. what would u do? am i wrong ?

Answer 1

WTF??? His daughter is HIS responsiblity! How should you have to forsake new shoes and manicures because he had some kid with some other woman??? Your money is YOURS...go get your nails done and get some new shoes....and celebrate- because the kid is almost 18...buh-bye child support!!!!!

Answer 2

This is the same answer I posted to another woman: hope it helps you too!
----------------------------------------
Absolutely NOT a fair arrangement. Instead of splitting up which bills/expenses you pay, ALL household expenses need to be paid out of a joint account. Each of you contributes the same PERCENTAGE of your income to pay all the expenses (bills, groceries, kids' expenses, pet food, all of it!).

Here's an example of how it works. (I'm using even numbers so the math is easier -- I know it's different in your situation.) Let's say you make $100,000 and he makes $50,000 a year. That means you bring in about 67% of the total household income of $150,000, and he makes about 33%. So, each of you contributes your percentage to the monthly expense joint account.

If you figure that you need $6000 to cover your monthly household expenses, his 33% share equals $2000, and your 67% share equals $4000. The result is that you have split your expenses FAIRLY according to your income. If you got a raise, then you'd need to refigure the contributions. Each month you each put in your portion, and then PAY THE BILLS TOGETHER. Each of you should know where the money is going.

You, however, should not be responsible for his child support payments. That is HIS responsibility -- and since there's less than a year to go, it shouldn't affect your finances that much longer anyway.

The rest of your income can go into individual accounts that each of you can spend on yourselves, or as you see fit. If he wants to go with his buddies, at least it is no longer a financial issue (even if it is a relationship issue!). You have your own money left over, and he has his. All the expenses are taken care of, and there isn't one partner living in luxury while the other lives in squallor. Each of you having some control over your own income (AFTER the living expenses are covered) makes you feel like an empowered individual.

If he won't agree to splitting expenses fairly, try seeking marriage or financial counseling. This has to stop!!

Best of luck!

Answer 3

You both should contribute equally to the household account. Just because he has child support for another child does not make it right that you should pay all the bills now. It's his problem that he also pays the $1000. He does not allow you to get things you need is part of him controlling you. Get what you want with the money you make. Add up the bills and split it 50/50.

Answer 4

Absolutely not, your not wrong. A marriage is based on togetherness not 50/50. Both your income should be combined and both pay equally the bills. Thats his problem if he has to pay 1000/mo for child support (welcome to fatherhood). No you should not change him and he should not change you. You dont need to buy clothes or shoes all the time, atleast 4 pair of shoes is good. Hey if he can have his cigarettes and beer I asume on a weekly basis you can have your manicure once a month. Also you should both create a budget and stick to it. You be surprise what you see on paper. Create a spreadsheet add your net income subtract bills and money for both for the week. You be surprise where you both can cut and save money.

Answer 5

Here is a SUGGESTION that might bring more fairness into your MONEY EQUATION and basically implements a model or plan that is more equitable and fair to each marriage partner according to what percentage of the total net income they bring home.

For example, my wife and I share a JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT that pays all the common bills like mortgage, childcare for 2 kids (2nd highest right behind our mortgage), utilities etc

We also have a JOINT SAVINGS ACCOUNT that allows us to set aside or contribute monthly for more expensive things like vacations, downpymts on new automobiles, furniture and large costly expenditures or things like remodeling and home improvement projects

Then we each have our own separate checking & savings accounts that allows us to spend "freely with no oversight" according to our best intentions without being criticized or getting prior approval from the other spouse.

Basically how much we each contribute or deposit into the JOINT ACCOUNTs depending on our net take home pay divided by the combined salaries a certain amount each month and then let the remaining balance go to our individual accounts. You must carefully watch the checkbook register and required minimum balances to allow penalties & fees for going too low etc so there are times when I must ask my wife for a check to replenish the joint account bec some bill was larger or an unexpected bill or repair popped up. Sometimes if one of us happen to pay the service call or large bill with our own credit card, so when the bill comes due next month, I pay it but my wife writes me a check for her percentage share.

For example you mentioned your monthly net was about $4,000 (43.1%) and say your husband's was $5,280 (56.9%) whereby the total is $9,280. The fact that for a Good Marriage to succeed there is give and take from both parties might result in you giving some consideration and merit for the $1,000 child support your husband pays or you could simply let it be paid by joint bec his daughter is 17 and child support will not go on forever, similar to child care which flunctuates with the age of kids and how many.

For large expenditure items. we normally do consult the other for approval ahead of time. Additonally we use credit cards as well as a joint one that takes care of the bill when we go out to eat or on vacation, the joint pays the bill...

Best of Luck!

Answer 6

This is crazy, first of all; it's not your fault the man got $1,000 coming out of his check every month. I dont know what the situation was with him and the other woman but if he was doing what he had to do in the beginning; he may not have that money taken out. Second of all, i be damned if i pay 100% of the rent and daycare, aint no way, not when your making less then the man,(AND THIS IS YOUR HUSBAND?)what happen with being there for one another. you got my back i got your back. won't one of you pay one week and the other pay the other week for the babysitter, just take turns as for as the rent, you guys really need to split that, $2000.00 is an expensive bill coming out of pocket for one person everymonth not to mention like you said , the other bills that you have to pay for. You guys really need to sit and redo those bills.

Answer 7

Based on your net income, your and his minus his child support, you contribute 46% and he contributes 54%. (4000 for you and 4720 for him). He should be paying 54% of the total household expenses (including day care!) and you should contribute 46%. You should each contribute the same percentages into a joint saving account and any money each of you have left of your individual incomes should be used at your individual descretion for those other items each of you favor such as your manicures and his toys or whatever.

He sounds like he's very controlling and wants to make sure that you are left without any money to spend as you wish when he clearly is left with quite a bit of his income at the end of each month. What is he spending his money on? I would be firm with him about this. Believe me, if you left him over this, he would be a lot worse of than the $1000 child support he's paying now. You have the upper hand. Use it!

Answer 8

He is dictating your life! It's not your fault that he has a 17 year old. That's on him. You work more hours and therefore are entitled to a new shirt at least once a month or so and to get a manicure twice a month, if you ask me!! You need to sit down with him and be logical. No yelling or anything like that. Explain to him how and why your living situtation right now is unfair. If he is entitled to cigarettes and beer, which are NOT necessities, then you are entitled to a few new articles of clithing and a manicure.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like your hubby is a bully, and only wants things his way. What is he doing with the money that he brings home is the question. If he's putting it into retirement for both of you, then he's probably just trying to make sure that a certain amount gets put away. But if you are frugal as you say, then it doesn't make any sense.
My hubby talked me into quitting my long distance commute and retiring with him. He pays everything, and has no qualms about my having a little fun as he does too.
I feel for you girl, and I would definitely talk to him about this and find out why!

Answer 10

I would tell him to go to HELL. His child support is his obligation and doesnt change the fact that he made a conscious decision to get a $2000 mortgag with you. Until his child support payments are over (age 18) the bills should be split 50/50 or evenly between the 2 of you and once he finishes the support payments re-evaluate the bills and whats fair. Your a fool to allow him to tell you not to get a manicure or ANYTHING your heart desires and your pockets can pay for.

Answer 11

Your husband is trying to control you completely!!. You can not have money because it may make you more independent. In his eyes anyway. You need to take control of your life and pay your share maybe 1/2 of the bills and save some for later. He is not looking out for your best interest! be sure not to spend it but put it where he cannot get it!