Is obedience a choice?

Question

I have seen alot of these types of questions on Y!A lately, where a woman searches for reassurance that it is ok for her to be "obedient" to her husband and recieved responses such as "If that is your choice go for it"

But here's my question, Is it possible to make the choice to be obedient?

Delecious> I still don't get it, If by what you said a woman makes the choice to stand up and fight for herself, then that choice would mean she is no longer obedient. Doesn't obedience imply the lack of choice?

I guess the real argument i have is, if it is infact a choice that a woman makes, then she is not "obeying" her husband she is "obeying" her own judgement no?

"she is free to go, but she chooses to stay and submit."
Delecious> in this instance, the woman is not chosing her husbands desires, she is chosing her own (desire to stay and submit) and therefore is obedient to no one but herself, not her husband

I simply meant that to truely be obedient to a husband implies that you do not have a choice to do so, but to CHOOSE to be submissive is not obedience because it is a CHOICE

you make for yourself, not your husband

wrong again delecious, My argument is not for nor against obedience I am simply challanging the vocabulary.

Simply said, a truely obedient woman would have to be a stepford wife, and since stepford wives do not exist, therefore obedience doesnt exist

*Hi pot? this is the kettle, your black*

"She dances with the man, but....she refuses to give him any sex and or won't even allow him to kiss her; she is indeed being obedient."

No she is not being obedient in your example, she has made the CHOICE to not submit, but even if she had, still she made the CHOICE to submit. Therefore obedience to another's desires does not exist, only obedience to the self.

Answer 1

It is a choice in my opinion, at least at the beginning of a relationship. So many women then get caught in a trap of dependence that it no longer becomes a choice.

Best advice to any woman (or any individual for that matter) is to learn to be self-sufficient before taking the plunge into a relationship.

Answer 2

Yes you can make a choice to be obedient. For example Soldiers. They do things everyday that they are told to do whether or not they agree with them. For some however its not that simple. Some people are followers and accept that. Some people were either taught or just naturally have a great sense of free will and question everything they do or are asked to do. From the sounds of this you are the latter type, because you have a hard time understanding the possibility to make a choice to be obedient. I would be in the same category. They say ignorance is bliss, some people find bliss in allowing others to think for them. Others exactly the opposite.

Answer 3

Actually, I think obedience REQUIRES a choice. Otherwise it's just a reaction. The wife chooses to go against her own wishes for the sake of her husband's wish. THAT is obedience. Doing what he wants when it's what she wants or because it's the right thing to do, that's not obedience. That's just reacting naturally.

Answer 4

because we are given the gift of freewill and wisdom, everything we do is always a choice. the only thing that is not a choice is being born and, at some point in our lives, dying, as fate brings that to us.

In the matter of obedience being a choice, clearly it is. we simply can choose to or not to obey . In line with this, the decision to choose is always surrounded by factors that made us opt for whatever that action is for whatever matter there mat be.

life is like a room filled with doors each connecting our fate and destiny. whatever we do is a choice.

Answer 5

Love this question and your screen name. This question is really complicated, though, since I haven't read the questions that you're referencing. There is "going along" with what the husband wants despite it being in total conflict with your desires and needs for fear of him leaving or withholding affection or support or whatever and while a choice is being made it is coerced by a fear so it's not a true choice.

On the other hand, something has to be said for the fact that when 2 people share a life, both people can't have everything that they want all the time and should make compromises and concessions on occasion to keep balance and fairness in a relationship, so long as no one has to go against their moral grain or be mistreated.

I think, Girly, that you are just trying to get the rest of us to think a little and you already know what you think the answer is!

Answer 6

Yeah, obedience is a choice. If it were'nt then all women would be obedient to their husbands. But the problem most women have with being obedient to their husbands, is they do not feel secure with a husband who is not living right. Some women will not submit to a man who do not live what he preaches, because they feel that man will take advantage of them. You can make the choice to be obedient, but make sure the man you choose is someone who can also submit and be obedient to you also. Obedience in a marriage is a two way street. A man is required to submit to his wife, just as much as a woman to her husband. The bible says, husbands and wives should submit to one another.

Answer 7

Yes, obedience is a choice. You choose or decide whether you obey someone or not barring manipulation. People who choose to be very obedient believe this or chose this way because of their own beliefs. So when obedience is not a choice is when someone is "forced" into submission or threatened into obeying that person. Or blackmail would be "manipulation" or a manner that "forces" a person to obey. Another thing is called brain washing, it seems that a person just goes along with everything, but that is because he or she has been mentally manipulated. But without "force" or "manipulation" a person chooses to obey. Sexy Delicious is right.

Answer 8

If you define obedience out of existence, then the word has no meaning.

In this context, it means that, even though her own wishes or judgment say A, if her husband says B, she obeys, and Bs. NOT because she thinks it's right or better or desirable, but because she believes she has an obligation to be obedient.

Should she substitute his judgment and happiness for her own, is the question.

If you then say that going with what he says is not obedience, because she's decided that doing what he says is always right, then you're missing the distinction that the word 'obey' makes.

So you need to come up with a new way of making the distinction between doing things you want to do because you want to, or things you think are better because you think they are better, or doing things that will make you happy, and doing them for the indirect and external reason of obedience.

If you took the word 'obedience' out of the exchange that prompted your question, the question would still remain -- is it right to do what he says, simply because he says so, and not because I think the thing he tells me to do is right, desirable, or conducive to my happiness, that is, for instrinsic reasons.

The problem with using language idiosyncratically (such as defining obedience out of existenct) is that you lose communication with others, as they don't know your idioyncratic uses.

Are soldiers obedient why they carry out orders, or prisoners when they file into their cells?

You could make the same argument that they're choosing to not fight or be court-martialed, but that's what obedience means.

Answer 9

Yes, obedience is a choice. When my husband asks me to do the dishes, I can choose to either obey or disobey him. Obedience is my choice. Another example...if my husband says that he doesn't want me overspending, I can choose to obey him and save the bank account or I can choose to spend money and end up overdrawing the account. It is a choice.

Answer 10

Interesting question.... one of the better ones I've seen in this section in awhile.

Your question focuses on obedience in a wife/husband relationship. This differs greatly from obedience at school, at work, in the military, or in other situations where it is required for the institution to function.

Well, some (mostly husbands) would argue that wifely obedience is required in marriage for the institution of marriage to work

As for obedience being a choice? I think that for freethinking women, it is very much a choice. Some choose to be obedient to the rich husband in exchange for a nice house and belongings.

But for those traditional values women who have been brainwashed since infancy that females are to be obedient to males, the way of thinking is so ingrained by adulthood that they just behave that way without realizing they have a choice to live otherwise.

Sort of like one's "choice" of religion. Freethinkers choose. Most others believe just as their parents do without realizing they have a choice.

Answer 11

"The hardest thing about being obedient is that you can't do what you want".

This woman is a prisoner - she has no choice but to obey. She lives in Saudi Arabia - she has no legal rights. She probably doesn't even own a passport. She would never be permitted to board a plane without being accompanied by hubby even if she did have her own passport. No matter what happens, there's no escape. Her children are held as hostages. Even if she could escape, she would never see her children again. Her chains are:

1. Political/legal- she has no legal status. Police will never help her.
2. Physical - she is not free to walk out the door into the sunshine wearing shorts and a t-shirt, unaccompanied - like the rest of us take for granted. If her husband decides to beat the tar out of her she must 'submit' there is no place to go, nobody will help her. She is dependent on the roof over her head and the food on the table supplied by hubby/hubby's family.
3. Psychological - maybe a dependent personality disorder that pre-disposes her to perceive things as she does. At any rate, huge dependency issues are evident. Add to this
1. no education
2. no career path (equals)
3. no alternatives

I think we are each a prisoner of our own private hell (that's the psychological part in this equasion). It's never healthy to be dependent, and obedience is something for small children, not grown-ups. If there are obedience 'issues' between grown-ups it's pointing to a huge power imbalance where one party has the power, the other party is a child (or child surrogate), as in this case.

My answer to your question is: IT DEPENDS upon the circumstances!