Can you make me laugh with a paragraph?

Question

Take 2 if you must, even more will be fine, just give me a laugh, and use these lines:
1. Go to Hell Kitty
2. Razzle Dazzle
3. Hot Honey Rag
4. Cell Block Tango
5. Mister Cellophane
6. Velma Takes the Stand

(These are all song titles from the Richard Gere / Renee Zellweger / Catherine Zeta-Jones movie: Chicago)

Thanks to all so far, like those laughs, I do. But you can write MORE if you want; whatever works for YOU!

Whoops! I just double-checked and I had out the DVD, not the CD! So, some of these are SONG titles -- and some of them are SCENE titles! Shame on me.

Answer 1

Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1876

Things were really hopping in the LongBranch Saloon. And I DO mean hopping!!! Miss Kitty Russell, owner and manager of the place, was surveying the large,noisy crowd....."Yes siree, bob.....I'll rake alot in, tonight." Her thoughts were soon interrupted by what was going on over in corner. (3.) Hot Honey Raggedy Ann and (2.) Razzle Dazzle Doolittle, the two oldest dancehall girls working for her, were doing the Charleston on one of the tables. (History will one day note that the Charleston was truely created in Dodge City, MANY years before the false reports of it's 1923 inception!!)
In any event, the two women were causing QUITE a stir.....Why.....Their ANKLES could be seen!!! Kitty felt that two younger, prettier women might be better suited for such displays of debauchery. She tried to get them to step down off the table. She grabbed on to Hot Honey Raggedy Ann's dress, but because it had been sewn together with real rags, it tore.
Hot Honey Raggedy Ann: "(1) Go to Hell (Miss)Kitty," she screamed, when she realized that her best dress had ripped!
"I expect to be reimbursed for this, you know!!"
Miss Kitty: "Yeah, I'll do that right after I fly to the %#@%@#$ moon!! Now get off my damn table!!"

Kitty encouraged one of the younger ladies to do a tap dance while the piano player banged out the hit of the day:

♫"Nobody does It Better
(Than Buffalo Gals From Baltimore)"♫

Kitty even sang the lyrics herself:

♫" If you wanna get banged. And you don't wanna hang. If you think you may need a little lovin'. Then knock on my door. We can do it on the floor. I'll provide all the really good cuddlin.'
Please remember what I say. I'll chase those cobwebs away. I'm the one you really need my darlin'.
I ain't the girl next door. But I'm not a whore. I'm a Buffalo gal from Baltimore."♫ ( I ROCK!)

Kitty stole the show!!! Everyone gave her a standing ovation. Even (5.) Mister Cellophane, the man who rarely said two words to anyone, came over to Kitty. He took her hand,kissed it gently and bowed from the waist.
Mr.Cellophane:" When I first saw Velma, I said to myself:
' If (6.) Velma Takes the Stand I may start to swoon......I have such a crush on her. But then YOU started singing, Miss Kitty and I must say........YOU DA BOMB!!"

Deeply flattered, Kitty blushed and curtsied. In her moment of glory, she had completely lost track of what was going on with Raggedy Ann and Razzle Dazzle Doolittle. They grabbed the guns of two cowpokes and were swinging them precariously in the air as they danced. All at once there was a
((( BANG ))) !!! A deep hush fell over the crowd. Just then Marshal Matt Dillon came running through the swinging doors.
Matt: " Alright, what's going on, here? Drop your guns!!!!!
Razzle Dazzle dropped her gun and it went off!!!!!! The bullet passed through part of the brim of Matt's Stetson !!
He took off his hat and looked at it. "THAT does it. YOU! And YOU! Come with me!!" Razzle and Raggedy were only TOO eager to follow him. Both were enamored with the ruggedly handsome Marshal.
They whispered to each other......"Now's our chance to be
alone with him!!"

Matt led them to the jailhouse....... THEN.....The two women went into action!! One jumped on his back while the other was trying to unbutton his trousers. Matt struggled feverishly to rid himself of the two drunk women. NATURALLY, that was the VERY moment that Sunshine MacGillicutty, Matt's new girlfriend, walked into the office. She nearly fainted.

The woman on Matt's back was wearing his hat.
She was laughing and screaming like a whor*.
The woman on her knees was acting like a tease. She had Matt's pants down to the floor.

Sunshine whistled VERY loudy and got their attention.
Razzle looked at her with disgust.
Raggedy said, "Don't bother us!"
Matt closed his eyes as he began to cry," I swear to God ,Sunshine, none of this is my doing!!"

Sunshine spoke calmy and deliberately......."Don't let me disturb your orgy. Go right back to your (4.) Cell Block Tango!"
Matt ,in a desperate attempt to retrieve his hat and to stop his girlfriend from leaving, yelled out: "SUNSHINE!! NOTHING HAPPENED!!" He started to run to her but tripped because his trousers were still down!!


1. Will Sunshine listen to reason?
2.Will Kitty become a famous singer and leave Dodge?
3. Will Matt finally get his pants on?

TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS.
.

Answer 2

Miss Velma Mae Hawkins had taken a job at the Longbranch and tonight was her very first night. Miss kitty had been having a helluva time finding and keeping good help since Chola took off with the Manure Man and Silva left with the bank robber. So when Miss Velma had come along and said she could "razzle dazzle them cowboys" with her high kickin' and slow dancin', Kitty had decided to give her a try. So what if she looked more than just a little ragged and quite a long ways over the hill, what did Miss Kitty have to lose? That night she found out she had made a BIG mistake!!!!!!!
It was a hot and particularly rowdy Saturday night and the Longbranch was packed with paying customers! Velma was dancing with one of the rougher cowpokes and grinding up against him in a vulgar manner which Miss kitty chose to ignore. Mister Cellophane was salivating as he watched, which was all he ever did..., watch, that is!
Suddenly a lively number came on the jukebox and Velma hopped atop the bar and started dancing in a manner that could only be described as sacrilegious!
The men (and women!) were watching her lewd gyrations in disgust and fascination when Miss Kitty noticed what looked like a femminine hygiene product peaking out the side of Miss Velma's high cut bloomers!! She was aghast!! She rushed over and whispered discreetly in her ear, while at the same time detecting a most unpleasant aroma! Miss Velma hardly missed a beat! "Don't pay that no never mind, Miss Boss" she clamored. "That's my Hot Honey Rag". Miss Kitty was speechless! Velma continued, "It keeps the boys interested" she said and with that threw back her head and cackled! Kitty was shocked!! She told her to collect her things and depart the premises at once , offering to pay her full night's wages just to get rid of her!
But Miss Velma had other ideas! "SO YER JEALOUS ARE YOU, YOU OLD HAG" she yelled. "Well I aint going NOWHERE, and YOU can go to hell, Kitty!!!" Although Miss Kitty was a lady, she had had enough! She grabbed her by her two ankles and pulled! Miss Velma landed in a heap on the floor, and was quickly escorted out by a few "gentlemen"
If you think that was the end of it you're wrong!!! The following day Miss kitty received a summons. She was being charged with "defamation of character", "assault", and "wrongful dismissal" Of course she decided to counter sue citing "indecent exposure" and "carrying a concealed weapon" (the 'Honey Rag'!!)The trial started today and tomorrow Velma takes the stand! Who knows what will happen!! I personally look forward to seeing the two fine ladies doing the "Cell block Tango"
For the latest in trial coverage please stay tuned to Nancy Grace!!

Answer 3

Oh, honey, do you think you can stop me from performing the "cell block tango" with all that "razzle dazzle" you have been throwing at my way? No, way, oh no no, - not until the day you can say "go to hell Kitty" to that mistress of yours, you have no right to tell me what to do. When "Velma takes the stand", she will be pouring her heart out on all the shagging you two have done on your infamous " hot honey rag", so now, my dear, the time has come; My beloved "Mister Cellophane", as you keep calling him, is waiting for me outside in the limo to take me to the theatre. You can't possibly expect me to keep the audience waiting, now, can you? So goodbye, my lover, from now on you will always be, someone I used to love. Goodbye.

Hope this puts a smile on your face. Cheers.

P.S: You get a star from me for such an entertaining question.

Answer 4

Matt was fed up when he saw Kitty sashaying around town with that transparent Mister Cellophane. He knew the two was up to no good. "You can go to Hell, Kitty," he mumbled to himself. "Trying to razzle dazzle every man in town with that hot honey rag you're wearing. You'll be doing the cell block tango once Miss Velma takes the stand!?

Answer 5

Jim comes home and says, " Hey hot honey rag, wanna show me some razzle dazzle tonight?" Katie says, " Not tonight Mr. Cellophane, I'm not in the mood for the cell block tango tonight." Well then Velma takes the stand and says, "go to hell Kitty! I show this man whats right. " "That's Katie," she replies. "I'll show my man some fireworks." Jim smiles and grins with wide eyes.

Answer 6

go to hell kitty uuuuuu u aa evil dummmmmmmmmmmbigru now razzle dazzel me with some hot honey rags and take me to cell block tango ill be staing there for a wile.as velma takes the stand everyone dies (well that was terible)

Answer 7

Mister Cellophane said to little miss Razzle Dazzle, "Wanna do the cell block tango?" To which she replied, " I'd much rather do the hot honey rag." Taken aback, the gentleman retorted, "Go to Hell kitty!"

☺ Hope that brought a smile to your face!!

Answer 8

Iwon't use any of your song titles ,but I will try to make you laugh with a true story .Nothing's funnier than the truth. My fraternal grandfather was from West Virginia and had nine brothers and sisters. they were so poor that they couldn't afford names, so they named the last two ,which were girls were named Nina and Tenna. This has been confirmed by the 1910 census.

Answer 9

ok my sis taht me this one say
double-up-a-bull its fun and figer out this riddle i have thrittery cents 1 is not a nickle and do this one

mr.smith and his kid arther where driving they got in a car crash and mr.smith dide instaly arther was rashed to a nerbye hoispital when the got there an elderly docter said i cant operrate on this chield he is my son who is the docter

Answer 10

Yes, I can. Here:

There were three people in a boat. Their names were "Mister Cellophane," "Go to Hell Kitty" and "Tickle Me." "Mister Cellophane" and "Go to Hell Kitty" fell out. Who was left?