I am getting married in 8 days and my fiance told me that he is not looking forward to the wedding, and doesnt understand all the fuss. Althought I knew he didnt want a big wedding, now he says weddings/marriage does not intrest him. He said he doesnt need a piece of paper to show his commitment to me. I am feeling so numb, what do I do?
2007-05-31 04:55:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well weddings are not a big deal for guys but just tell him to shut up it's your day and to just be good,
so to bad it's not about him it's about you...
2007-05-31 05:03:43 · answer #1 · answered by Cookie Monster!! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do nothing at this point. He didn't say he doesn't want to go through with it, right? Which did he say doesn't interest him, the wedding or the marriage--I'm betting he said wedding. He just doesn't understand all the fuss...guess what, most guys don't. He's probably just wanting the whole mess to be over with. You're stressed and overly emotional right now, PLEASE don't read more into this than there probably is. And while you said you knew he didn't want a big wedding...something tells me that's pretty much what he's getting.
However, if he's SERIOUSLY re-thinking marrying you, isn't it better you know NOW rather than a year or so down the road? It's honestly better to not go through with the wedding if he's not SERIOUSLY not sure about it (and make sure it isn't cold feet), than to get a divorce a few years down the road.
Talk to him CALMLY and see if it's the WEDDING he doesn't want, or the marriage he doesn't want. Don't confuse the 2 in your mind, ok? A wedding is 1 day, just 1. Your marriage is a lifetime. Please keep it all in perspective. AND...don't confuse the flowers, reception, dresses, programs, favors, etc., etc., etc. with the wedding CEREMONY--which is where you legally become married.
2007-05-31 12:06:34 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that the piece of paper does mean a lot to you and that you know that you can have a committed relationship without it but that you would prefer the paper.
Maybe he is just getting cold feet this happens to both men and women all the time.
Also if you explain some of the benifits of the paper he will understand for example insurance, the right to make decisions concerning the others medical care, etc
Go on and plan your wedding he will come around
2007-05-31 12:05:55 · answer #3 · answered by nerakian 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first, find out if this is just cold feet or if this is really how he feels. if he in fact feels that its just a piece of paper but has no interest in the marriage, there would be no way id go through with it.
i know more people put more time and energy into the wedding aspect instead of the marriage part but it is important to find out what you are dealing with before you marry.
i hope he is willing to tell you the whole story so you can make your own decisions about what you need to do.
its not fair that he waited so long to tell you but if its just cold feet, this is normal. if he truly has no interest in marriage, why would you want to marry him?
best of luck to you
2007-05-31 12:00:18 · answer #4 · answered by chantel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him first and see how serious this problem is. Marriage is not fancy and full of trouble so better minimize the source of trouble before tie the knot. Postpone the wedding if possible, otherwise don't go ahead with it until you figure out if this is a significant compatibility issue in the future.
2007-05-31 16:29:58 · answer #5 · answered by Tiamo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and explain why its important to you. I dont think this should be a big problem. Alot of guys dont understand why girls want to have weddings and why a peice of paper changes anything. Explain to him how you want these things to make it official etc. Hes not telling you he doesnt want to be with you or that he doesnt love you, hes just saying he doesnt like all the fuss going into the marriage.
2007-05-31 12:00:11 · answer #6 · answered by Ashes 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
perhaps that's just a man thing, I've met many more women than men who want to go through the whole ceremony thing and many more men than women who are happy to just live together. He should have been more honest with you from the start or just have kept his mouth shut - it seems very cruel to say this to you now but again, this may be just a man thing - not very in touch with their emotions and not very empathetic, he probably didn't realise that this would hurt you so much. I'm not a man hater by any means, just recognise that they are a different species. He says he doesn't need a piece of paper to show his commitment - this in itself shows he is committed (in man speak cos he mentioned the word commitment without fainting or running out of the door).
2007-05-31 13:45:45 · answer #7 · answered by May 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Guys don't look at this stuff the same way that girls do. He is probably thinking of what he could have done with all of the money that is being spent on the wedding. I know my husband would have. (We had a very small wedding.)
Maybe he is getting a little nervous. Just reassure him and let him know that you love him.
2007-05-31 12:07:55 · answer #8 · answered by Angie D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you both are in love then you proceed with the wedding. Weddings are more for the woman. A lot of guys do not like to be in the "spotlight", unless of course it has to do with sports. It doesn't sound like his comment was directed towards you. He may also be getting a little nervous knowing that it is so close. I actually told my wife the same thing. We will be celebrating our 10th anniversary in October.
2007-05-31 12:06:43 · answer #9 · answered by sportsfanstl1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most guys I know don't care about the wedding, they just go along with it for their girlfriends.
Honestly, when I was engaged my husband said something to that nature and I BLEW UP. I was stressed from the wedding and very emotional but he didn't mean anything by it. It just came out the wrong way.
I find it hard to believe that this is the first you find out about him not caring about weddings.
While he SAID it, I don't believe that he isn't interested in marrying you (which is what I think you are thinking). If this was the case he wouldn't have allowed a wedding to be planned that involved him. But hes doing it for you obviously.
2007-05-31 12:03:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋