My husband and I had been together coming up on 9 years when I descoverd that he was seeing a co worker, at first he denied it and like 10 min later he admitted it and said he was leaving, he was going to stay with this younger girl. I was devistated, our 3 young kids where devistated, I felt my world crumble! Well he did what he said, only he kept coming back to me for a couple of days and then leaving and going back to her, this went on for nearly two months, I had finally pulled myself together and starting going out I ended up meating the nicest man in the world who was going through the same thing, so then I realised it wasn't the end I was someone and I was going to be ok, just then my cheating husband come back and really wanted me back, Too make a long story short I did take him back, 2years later I still havn't forgiven him, he promised all these things and has never kept his word, I'm still waiting on him to screw up again. Help me!
2007-05-31 04:35:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband cheated on me, while I was pregnant. I didnt think I would be able to forgive him, but you know I somehow found the strength one day and decided that my marriage, the time, effort and energy i had out into it wasnt worth letting go of. Turns out once they have been found out 85% of the time they come to their senses and realize that what they have at home is more important than they thought and they change, however most women who are cheated on ruin any chance at reconciliation and only 30% of marriages will survive infedelity because of it.
If you love your husband, and you want to be married to him you will find a way to forgive him and move forward. this could actually make you stronger. No one is saying trust him and bend over, but you can survive this if you really want it.
2007-05-31 04:41:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand what your feeling......you gave him a second chance and now you see him taking the relationship for granted again! It is so hard to pick up the pieces and start over again and even worse to maybe think we made a wrong choice about it when we do. When our husbands choose to betray us the trust is gone and I really don't think they ever realize how this traumatizes our relationship with them forever. They not only cheat us ..they cheat themselves to. Getting us only half back to reality with them you never really know what to believe or what to ever expect out of them next. For two people ever trying to get over infidelity you have to leave the past and recommit all over again well it doesn't always work that way even if you give it everything you've got. It's like trying to raise the titanic and you just don't have the means to do it! All the trying in the world you feel was for nothing when years later you still feel the same as the day your husband sunk the ship.At some point you have to look around you and realize that this is as good as it's ever going to get and find a way to get out! You once felt how nice someone else could be so you know something is better out there for you than what your getting now and what you where getting then. In all truth you never will get over it because he damaged something inside of you that never can be fixed. It's like an emotional living death ....he is there and you are there but you just can't feel nothing!.......and sometimes after all that's said and after all thats done we can only put the relationship to rest......because your husband stabbed you in the heart and killed your beliefs about what it was that you ever loved him for. When a man puts his wife and children through all of this and and comes back to a world full of promises and doesn't keep them he is not a man of his word and there is no truth in him.
2007-05-31 06:16:35 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How much more time of your life are you going to waste waiting for him to screw up? He has screwed up - not only by cheating but by his broken promises. I feel so bad for you because you seem so miserable. I had a cheating husband and they never stop with the lies and the cheating. You could be the best wife in the world and it doesn't matter to a cheater. They want it all. You need to sit down and figure out if you would be happier with or without him. It isn't so bad raising kids on your own. (hard - but manageable). My son always blamed me for the divorce - now that he is grown up he sees perfectly clear that it was not my fault at all and he wants nothing to do with his father. Life is too short to be miserable. I could never forgive a cheater so he had to get out of my life. Don't make the mistake of looking for another man right away - get yourself situated and happy first. Good luck.
2007-05-31 04:52:17 · answer #3 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you two seek marriage counseling? That should have been the first step before getting back together. You have children to think about not just you two. If you know in your heart that this is not working and he's not giving you what you need then you really need to make a decision and stick with it. It take two to make it work and love should not be painful or forced. Maybe the reason you took him back is because it's much easier to go with what you are familiar with then to start over. You had a tast of a good thing and what you deserve. Don't rush into something new just focus on you and your children. You need to heal; work on healing your heart and spirit.
2007-05-31 04:44:38 · answer #4 · answered by honeyb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you guys gotten counseling? Getting over an affair can be done, and I've had good friends do it, but it takes a professional to help you both wade through the mine field of issues that led to the affair in the first place. If none of those have been resolved, then you're right in waiting for him to have another affair, because it will happen--because nothing's changed in the marriage that led to the affair in the first place. You also HAVE to forgive him, not for him or for your marriage, but for YOU. Even if you guys divorce in the end, you still have to forgive him or it will eat away at you like a poison. You're also going to have to be able to trust him again for your marriage to work. All this is why you guys need a marriage counselor, if you haven't seen one already. You've BOTH got to commit to making your marriage work, it's a team sport, not an individual event. If you're both committed, and both determined to want a better marriage out of this, it's possible, but not without some hard work on both your parts. So call a marriage counselor and get to work on saving your marriage, or call a divorce attorney and get to work on ending it.
2007-05-31 04:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's still going on messenger and in front of you none the less.... he's sending you a signal. Either he no longer wants to be with you and doesn't want to tell you cause he's afraid it'll hurt you or he just straight out doesn't care either way both scenarios not that great. Had it been an isolated incident I would have said everyone deserves a second chance. I'm sorry to say that's not the case here. Leave him you'll find love again you deserve to be with someone that you can communicate with someone who will love and care for you the way you do them. Good luck
2016-05-17 21:09:30 · answer #6 · answered by meredith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can help you, hon. The issues as to why he left are still there, and unless you both go into counseling, you will never get these issues out on the table and discussed.
Quite frankly, why did you even bother to take the guy back? That never works.... NEVER. Once a cheater, always one, and you got played for the Jerk in Reserve, and you still are.
You owe it to your children to try to repair your marriage in counseling. If you had had none, I'd tell you to bail... there are just toooo many nice men out there to fiddle with an (A)ss hole.
Betrayal is THE deal buster in a relationship.... I think marriages are respect, admiration, passion and trust... the trust is gone with betrayal, with the visual of your husband pronging some other woman... You no longer have admiration nor respect for him nor for your marriage, and it ain't gonna come back by itself. He will screw up again, hon, guaranteed
2007-05-31 04:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never trust him no matter how much you love him. There is nothing he can do. The hurt and pain is just too deep and you are cautious because you don't want to feel that way again. He just may be a changed man after seeing how easy it would have been for you to move on. You'll never be happy with him and you threw away the winning lottery ticket.
2007-05-31 04:55:02 · answer #8 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the end of the day its up to you but if you still cant forgive him after 2 years will you ever forgive him? You must have serious trust issues with him now and i dont blame you. If he is not keeping his promises then thats not exactly helping either. Sounds like he needs a kick up the backside to me!!
2007-05-31 04:42:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he got it out of his system and is ready to be the husband you need. Maybe he realized that he wants to be with you. Have you tried counseling? I think that is the only thing that will help you move past this. A certified counselor can help you sort out your feeling and discover how you really see things. Perhaps that will help.
Good luck to you!
2007-05-31 04:48:46 · answer #10 · answered by Angie D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋