normal?? It's starting to drive me mad. Now I feel as though I *have to* have sex with him after a night out or I'm gonna have to have him be a miserable sod for days & I'm going to suffer for it. It's taken any of the fun out of lovemaking as sometimes I just do it to avoid the horrible tension & arguments for the days after. We have been together (& lived together) for 5 years. What are your thoughts?
2007-05-31 04:24:38 · 30 answers · asked by Cori 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like the sparkles gone to be honest, if ur not interested in sleeping with him course he's gonna be upset, try communicating with each other
2007-05-31 04:28:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋
My thoughts are that he's in his sexual prime and you should try to "be there" as much as possible. It sucks that he's a baby about it but understand that it's a physical thing. If it's taken the fun out of it then learn how to put the fun back into it! Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was you that "needed" sex every night. I only know this happens because I've been with my husband for 20 years. Through his sexual prime..and mine! I don't know why nature doesn't synch this up a little more, maybe so we don't spend our entire 20's in bed? (lol) When we were in our early 20's we had sex at least once if not two or three times a day. Mostly all at his request. If it was up to him we wouldn't have done anything else. Things settled down a while til I hit my early thirties and it was ME humping the furniture. Me wanting sex all the time. I promise if you get creative and give him the time he wants, later down the road you can expect the same treatment from him. Think of it like this. He wants YOU. He's not out trying to get it elsewhere. Is there a cheaper or more fun way to spend your time together? No! Don't see it as a "have to" see it as a "want to". Get your head where it needs to be and work hard to please him. Sex is good for you. It releases chemicals that are healthy and make your body feel great. What he's going through is natural. Find ways that you can respond in a positive way. I have a feeling he wont be a grump azz if he you surprise him by jumping his bones a few nights a week. Maybe if you are more proactive it will settle him down a little......boink his brains out! Good luck ;)
2007-05-31 04:37:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Its not accurate to say that men need sex the way they need food.
It probably is accurate to say that he needs sex the way you need conversation.
If you went out with him and he refused to speak to you all night, you'd probably feel rejected and ignored.
I'll also note that you live together. Its clear that he expects night out = sex. I imagine _you_ have been part of creating that pattern. You could break that pattern while still having plenty of sex with him. Have sex with him more often when you're not out, and you won't be as compelled to have sex when you get home from being out. You know, most women on this board would advise him if he wanted sex with you more often to 'set up a night out'., of course its terrible advice, it just leads to the situation you describe whrere you probably hate going out because its just a pressure situation.
Should he stop thinking that going out = sex? Yes. Should you understand that he needs frequent sex and to generally feel accepted sexually to be happy? If you want to stay together, yes.
Honestly, I believe his reaction is normal. Some men have low sex drives. Some men have learned to hide their disappointment because they know it decreases the odds of getting sex. I'm not sure that's really 'growing up', its just learning to be more manipulative.
I think this is something a lot of couples run into. No, he doesn't 'just' want sex. But yes, he wants sex and is not going to be happy if he's being denies. I think for a lot of women, this is sort of like seeing 'behind the curtain' so to speak, and they decide the man doesn't care about them but 'just' sex. But really, that would be like if your bf didn't talk to you for a day and you got upset, him throwing a fit that 'if you really loved him, you'd consider talking just a bonus'.
People love each other, but they also have things they need in a relationship to feel happy and loved.
2007-05-31 05:51:35 · answer #3 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are entering that cross road in the relationship from being "in love" to "loving" to which many relationships fall apart.
The "in love" part is more about the perfect dream life you want to have than the other person.
The "loving" is truly accepting the other person for who they truly are.
Your BF may still want sex after a night out and that may be part of his dream life.
You can accept this as part of who he is and move on to the "loving" part of your life together or start a list of things you do not accept or like about him and slowly have the relationship fall apart.
2007-05-31 06:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't do anything you don't want to do! I'm sure there are other guys out there that would wait!!
If he gets upset, that is his problem, he should respect your decision and right to say, " No ". If he does not,... well... think of ... mental abuse to you every time he did not get his way, which may turn physical.... , and you don't have to take that!
(There is always Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters ) !
However, I'm also thinking- if you do not want to be with him, daily- the sparks, and the flame are gone!
Time to move on!
Good luck!
2007-05-31 04:37:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
3 day's, well the lad is certainly persistent I'll give him that. I'm probably not the best giver of relationship advice to be honest, but I would say either resort to (a) Don't have any more night's out (b) Just shag the lad (c) get rid of him and give me an e-mail, I'll only strop for half a day
2007-05-31 04:31:58 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Basil Cheesewrench 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
you think thats bad i get it every second of the day even on time of the month never get peace at all its like job ( oh god iv got to do it now cause eastenders is on in 5) thats what im like, plus iv got a 7 month old baby 2 look after i no its good but com on shut the **** up
2007-05-31 05:28:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
MEN!!!!!!! They are all the same(well the ones i have *** accross) My b/f is the same he wont go in a mood but he will bring it up at some point. Maybe you should ask youself why u dnt want to have sex with him, It colud just be you cant be botherd or it could run deeper. But if he goes in stroop show you dnt care the moodier he is the more chirpy you are!! Trust me it drives them mad, be ultra nice!!!!!!
2007-05-31 04:36:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
He shouldn't be making you feel like you 'have' to have sex with him on demand and there seems little point in your having sex just to keep him from complaining.
If you can't work this out between you, maybe, even after so long together, it's time for you to both move on.
2007-05-31 04:32:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
If you Listen to the fools here telling you he needs to grow up your a fool... Your man wants and needs sex as much as you need food and what would you do if he told you that you can not eat you would wait until he is a sleep or not around and you would sneak food and he feels the same way about your putty cat it's just as important to him as eating so if you don't want him to cheat keep him feed or leave it's your choice he is who he is and you can't or expect him to change.
2007-05-31 04:40:42 · answer #10 · answered by bluemist 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
personally i have a high sex drive and i feel that i put pressure on my b/f but if you dont want it say no and if he goes in a mood then make him wait longer!!
seriously talk to him about it, maybe the drink gets him horny!? after 5 yrs i would be glad that my partner wanted me as much as yours does with you!
2007-05-31 04:37:54 · answer #11 · answered by Bubblygirl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋