The kid wanders out
No coat, no shoes, no message
His dinner gets cold
2007-05-31 04:15:23 · 4 answers · asked by HardLee 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's a wonderful poem. Not odd at all, it follows true Haiku. You not only have the right 5-7-5 cadence, but you tell a small story. That's the essence of Haiku.
Q- What if 'kid' where girl, boy, child or king?
2007-05-31 04:28:58 · answer #1 · answered by wupierto 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You've got the right idea but technically it's not a haiku but rather a senryu. It is a good example of a senryu. You can click here to learn the difference and read more about haiku
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/haiku/haiku.html
2007-05-31 12:34:09 · answer #2 · answered by jodapoet 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's good, but could be tightened up a tad, I think, in the second line.
"Coatless, shoeless, no message"
Same number of syllables, but the 'no' is only referring to what he didn't leave behind, instead of also with what he didn't take with him.
Other than that, it paints a picture pretty clearly.
2007-05-31 11:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by open4one 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's an incomplete message u r passin' across...work on it.that said,it looks like the beginnin of a great poem.
2007-05-31 11:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by twenty third dobs 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋