What advise do you have about this one. I really love both of them, but my coworker, I am really in love with. I am not totally satisfied in my marriage either.
But, my coworker and I are both married, and he has a child.
Should I stay with my husband, or be with the one that really makes me happy and feel loved and respected?
2007-05-31 04:00:13 · 32 answers · asked by A B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't fool yourself. You can leave your husband and be with this guy and in a year or two you will be right back where you are now. You want what is unavailable to you. It's exciting because you always have the fear of being caught, but once you make it official, it will lose it's luster fast and you will wish you and just stayed put. Especially since he will also have to deal with the drama of separating from his child. That won't be easy on anyone, he'll be paying support and having to deal with a cranky ex wife to boot. That's a huge buzz kill. Put half as much effort into the marriage you have and you may be pleasantly surprised with the results. We only get in return what we are first willing to put in.
2007-05-31 04:14:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Here's the hard truth: We women have got to stop thinking with our hearts so much (me especially) He is not going to leave his wife and child for all of Bill Gates' and Oprah's money combined! No matter how much "you are the one he really loves", he's not going to leave his wife and especially his child. Even when men are in horrible, terrible, horrific marriages, they feel more committed to their spouse than to their mistress. Married men will string you along and play with your heart to continue to get affection, sex, and excitement from you that they don't get from a run of mill, everyday boring, happily numb married life. I suspect the same is for you. Hardly anyone is always totally satisfied in their marriage all the time. Even if you married your coworker, you wouldn't be satisfied all the time then either. Take some well learned advice from someone who's been in your shoes with an ex. Cease all contact with this married man before your world turns upside down. You'd be surprised who will come to your defense when the sht hits the fan - here's a hint it's not your married dreamboat - it's the one you're married to. I'm sorry if this post seems a little hard, but I just don't want anyone to prolong any bad situation like this because their heart is overshadowing their head. Men can separate the two, and they do. Sex sometimes trap men, love (emotions) sometimes tangle women. Get out of it now!!! Make it work with your husband or make it work with someone new after you divorce your husband who you can be available to and they can be available to you! These are the truest words you'll hear!
2007-05-31 04:17:33 · answer #2 · answered by Ky 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Have you talked with your husband about WHY he doesn't make you happy, loved, respected, etc? Or have you decided that he's boring, and you're moving on? Not only are you wrecking your marriage, you're wrecking someone else's as well. And while I cannot and will not condone either action, at least if you're out there destroying your own marriage, you're just hurting someone who you stood up with in front of friends and family and promised to "love, honor and cherish as long as you both shall live." Having an affair with a married person is just plain wrong, and you're not only hurting his family, he has a child.
You know what you're doing is wrong, at least I hope you have enough of a conscience to know it's wrong. You need to go home, and work on your marriage. Go to marriage counseling, do whatever you need to. Leave the married man alone. If you want to divorce your husband, FINE, then divorce him. But DON'T get involved with another married person, leave your co-worker alone. Stop seeing him immediately. If he gets a divorce (probably won't happen) then re-explore the possibility of a relationship with him, but until the ink is dry on the divorce decree, you leave him the HE** alone!!!
2007-05-31 04:09:27 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your husband made you feel all that in the beginning too. Grass isn't always greener on the other side. Its just new and exciting but everything gets old. Sometimes the glitz goes away from a marriage, and some people find it by having an affair, but you and your husband have something you and your lover don't have and thats a deeper type of love that only one can get from really knowing someone. We take that for granted, I say work on your marriage. He's cheating with you what makes you think he won't cheat ON you someday?? Sorry but once a cheat usually always a cheat.
2007-05-31 04:06:29 · answer #4 · answered by Maria 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
These situations rarely work out the way you picture them. You think you alone have the choice of whether or not to stay with your husband or go live happily ever after with the coworker? Before you go doing something foolish like telling your husband you are leaving because you fell in love with someone else, you need to ask your coworker if he feels the same. I think you would be very suprised at what his answer would be. Besides, if your husband finds out, he may take the decision out of your hands.
2007-05-31 04:18:13 · answer #5 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well i could tell you your scum, but that wont help you,
i could tell you that if you dont feel loved or respected by ur hubby then you have an excuse to cheat... but that would be lying, i could tell you your in a relly dangerous situation, but you know that already....
what should you do?
stop sleeping with or even cheating by dating that co-worker of yours and change jobs. If he is cheating on his wife now, even tho he has a child with her, then what makes you think a few yrs down the track when u hit a rough patch that he wont do the same to you? and yes, he is thinking that about you too.
also, you say you love both of them, no you dont. love is not a feeling, its a choice, its committment, and a decision to be with that person and ONLY that person no matter how your feeling at the time... neither of them are getting that from you are they?
the only one doing the right thing as far as "love" is concerned is your husband. you say he doesnt respect you or make you happy and loved? take a look at yourself. a marriage is worth fighting for and you are being weak.
communication is the key, get yourself away from that other man, go to some counselling and TALK to your hubby, TELL him you dont feel loved and respected, ask him why he is different, ask him if you have done anything or is it just him? ask him if he is willing to do some marriage counselling coz you feel like giving up on the marriage.
you wouldnt have married him if things werent wonderful once, you can have that back, you need to learn how to treat each other again. both of you are as bad as each other, but right now, your worse, he has a right to divorce you now that you have cheated.
the co worker is a phase, an outlet and escape from not being able to take responsibility for a failing marriage, it takes two so its not just ur hubby who is to blame. be an adult.
and remember, this effects you, both men, another woman you dont even know and a young child. dont be selfish.
2007-05-31 04:17:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You know that you know better than to sleep with your co worker (or anybody else) for that matter while being married. How dare you or him put your families in a position that your selfish choices can blow their worlds apart. You nor the co work seen to love anybody else, if you did this wouldn't have happened. As long as you and the co worker get your 15 minutes of pleasure, everything else is not important. You pointed out YOUR not satisfied in the marriage, what about your husband? Do you think its fair to him or the co workers kid? You should break it off...
2007-05-31 04:16:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Didn't your marriage vow say something like;
Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?"
If you are not in love with your husband then divorce him and find someone NOT married to go on with your life.
Marriage is not always peachy king and perfect all the time. EVERY marriage requires maintenance is a continuing work in progress.
So get out of your co workers bed. Get some respect for yourself.... and take care of business.
2007-05-31 04:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
ok girlfriend I am going to keep it real and it might hurt so I am sorry. You only know this man at work because that's when we're all dressed up and on our best behavior. You don't wash his underwears w/streaks, you don't smell his morning breath and you don't fight w/him over household bills. Trust me when I tell you that this is all an illusion - you do not love this man. He loves his wife because if he didn't HE WOULD NOT STAY IN HIS MARRIAGE. and don't let him feed you the "i'm only in it for the kid". He doesn't give a rat's a s s about you and if he did he would be out of his marriage sooner than you can say "it's over!" Trust me, it took me a while before I realized he wanted a booty call. THANK GOODNESS I woke up before it was too late...
good luck.
Experience.
2007-05-31 04:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
While I will spare you all of the judgmental "cheating is a sin" nonsense, I still wouldn't suggest having an affair with someone you are working with. It greatly increases both of your chances of getting caught, can cause damage to your professional reputation, and lead to a very awkward situation if/when you decide to end it. - Ever hear the saying "Don't sh it where you eat"?
If you feel the need to get some action on the side, keep it as far away from your "regular" life as possible and use the utmost discretion.
Good luck!
2007-05-31 04:07:27 · answer #10 · answered by Steve J 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋