Aright, so, I'm completely in love with my bestfriend, and she feels the same way. I'm 16. And there's nothing more that I could ever want than to just.. hold her. But, I can't, because my entire family is completely homophobic. My mother is the kind of person that would kick me out of the house if she knew I was gay. She's always said that I'd go to hell, and suffer, if I was gay. I've known about it since I had any sexual feelings at all. The majority of my friends despide gays, and such..
I don't want to be homeless, but I also really don't want to live without 'her'..
I'm really scared. Is it really wrong? What should I do?
2007-05-31 03:07:19 · 14 answers · asked by Rachel G 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Start saving money, and work on getting job skills now so you will be able to support yourself when it is time to leave home.
I don't know your mom, but there's a possibility that she may change her mind. A lot of people have. Just today in the news, polls were showing a greater acceptance of gays than ever before.
You may be able to find ways to change her thinking. For example, if the subject of gay marriage comes up, and she thinks that legalizing gay marriage would have disastrous consequences, you can point out that gay marriage has been legal in Canada for a few years, and none of these dire predictions has come true.
2007-05-31 03:29:06 · answer #1 · answered by Robin W 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As to whether it's really wrong: Even as a committed Catholic, I can't exactly say Yes; the Church makes a strong distinction between objective sin and actual sin--the latter depending on whether it's wrong according to the individual's conscience.
I also note that those who say "just wait" aren't really considering that at 16, 2 years is an eighth of your life, and probably more than that of your conscious life--and will seem nearer forever when you're in love. But no matter what, you can live through it.
Now, regarding being being homeless if you're found out and thrown out, which is not impossible even if you're discreet: That's not the only option. There are undoubtedly organizations in your area, including gay-accepting churches, and possibly arms of government, that could help you in that situation.
If you intend to continue your relationship--and based on everything I've ever read about teenage love, gay or str8, you very likely will, no matter what you think your intentions are--start looking NOW into the possibilities of living away from home if necessary. (Off the wall: If you can use such research as a class project, that's killing two birds with one barrage of stones.) And those possibilities do include whether or not your mother is as rock-ribbed as you think she is.
2007-05-31 11:03:33 · answer #2 · answered by georgetslc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being gay is not wrong - it's part of who you are. Nothing "makes" you gay, and people can't "cure" you of it.
If your mother can't tolerate a gay person in her house, and you can't live anywhere else, you may have to stay in the closet until you can support yourself. If you can, try to contact some support groups in your area and see if they can give you moral support until the day that you are ready to come out.
Keep in mind that this woman will always be your mother, and she may change her attitude once you come out to her. People are amazing sometimes, and you might be surprised at how she responds. Kids your age often see things in terms of black and white. There are endless shades in between, and if you're lucky, you and your family will come to an understanding about this.
Good luck!
2007-05-31 10:16:05 · answer #3 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Welcome to the real world of hard decisions.
I agree with the others. Get a job, start saving for your own apartment, and get out on your own as soon as you can. Meanwhile, don't burn your bridges by confronting "Mommy Dearest" until you're able to support yourself.
You can certainly hold your sweetie, just not when anyone else is around (I know that sucks, but that's your reality, at least for the time being). Don't despair, sweetheart, you have a long life ahead of you. Hang in there for a while. It will get better.
2007-05-31 11:04:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you have to tell your mother NOW. You and your bf be discrete about your meetings until you are in a position to move out and move in together. Both of you plan on how you can do that. Just be patient and don't do anything that will render you and your bff homeless.
2007-05-31 11:37:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a counselor. School counselor. You'll need a support network before you decide on your next move. Having people to help you out when you're in a difficult situation can help a lot. I know a lot of friends (with different probs. from urs) who saw a counselor and were helped tremendously by it.
2007-05-31 18:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by pacific_crush 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey there dear,
Your 16 dear..your young,exploring the new love world..
Its endearing and so sweet to see how your falling in love and thinking of your parents at the same time..
*i was in ur situation before*
Note that Im giving u a thrill advise ..a real-from-your-point-of-view advise..ait? Its your choice to do it girl..
What did i do when i was in ur situation?
... i lied.. i dont suggest this to ya coz it sure is risky.. But for wat its worth, your parents wont kick u out of the house, they'd probably ground u... stop u from seeing your girl..
But all that would be for awhile.. anyway,ur 16..after 2 years ud be out and about to explore more without ur parents around..
I stayed with my girl .. until i couldnt anymore.. and to tell ya the truth...1st love is the best.. so, keep it a secret..
tell ur parents shes your bestfren..
Act in front of ur frens n family when ur with her.. like any other normal friends...right?
Make sure u dont screw up...lock the doors when ur together..
Write letters with no names..
Talk on the phone.. no lovey dovey.. just if u use ur cell then its ok...
You can be romantic...but just dont state your name..or her name..
Okay??
Also...dont be loud.. (when u guys 'do stuff')..haha..
Be in love but be careful..and theres nothing better than a restricted love.. right? makes it even better..
Just be careful...If u got the guts..
2007-05-31 10:30:19 · answer #7 · answered by kim_stolz 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't make it a do or die situation. It is hard to live under other peoples rules and stigmas....but until you have a plan to lead your life the way you want....ride it out. I am sure if it is true love....it will still be there.
Trust me, there is no reason to create more drama. Love her, have a private relationship until you are prepared to deal with the consequences of others.
2007-05-31 10:31:39 · answer #8 · answered by Lil_bit_witty 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hey there...i advice you to not come out at this moment.....you can wait awhile then move out if you need to....and know that there is nothing wrong with being gay.....sexuality is something you were born with you cant change it...its like changing your eye color....it is not possible....trust me you will get through this.....i was once in the very same situation with you...right now im in college and i am completely out to all my friends....and people around me...they accept me just fine....just that im not out to my family yet because i dont think its neccessary.......remember that you dont have to show your gayness through appearance.....other than that.....for now concentrate in school and try joining a few glbt clubs...goodluck....just a few more years to go for you! :)
2007-05-31 10:33:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i'm trying to under stand the dynamics of your relationship....and the gay thing is hard for me to accept, but do what you gotta do to get on your feet so you can be financially stable....when you live under the control of someone else it sucks, it takes away your autonomy and human beings need to be themselves to be happy.......so you can't be gay in front of them yet...
2007-05-31 11:15:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋