We have known each other for 14 years and married for the last 5 years without children. Recently, he started being very disinterested in all activities, and he also didn't talk much at home. He also lost interest in sex and we have not made love for the last 3 months. I have tried repeatedly to talk to him to find out what's wrong. After numerous attempts, he told me that it had started since last year when he had dizzy spells and heartache problems. He consulted a psychatrist and it was identified that his root cause was due to his fear and constant worry about me being unhappy throughout these years. As such, he said that he had been very accomodating towards me. And he had find me very controlling and intrusive upon his personal space. But I really give him a lot of privacy. He locked his mobile phone and had his own personal drawer. I was heartbroken. Now, he had asked for a cool-off period for him and me to sort things out. Is he really telling the truth?
2007-05-30 21:28:49 · 10 answers · asked by Debucker 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think he might be talk to him and get him to tell you what he feels and tell him what you feel and i feel sorry that things arent working but if he is cheating walk out the door and dont look back cos you can do better
2007-05-30 21:33:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't sound like it! When you love someone you do not treat them this way. It sounds like he is punishing you over his own guilt feelings. Marriage and being together means you communicate and work out your problems. He appears confused like a man that has cheated especially withholding intimacy from you. Locking up his phone appears he is hiding something from you and that is very suspicious behavior. I would be doing some investigating and check the cell phone bills, credit card statements or hire a private investigator.I would watch him very closely and be prepared for what you may find. You never know about a person even if you have been with them for 14 years. Whatever it is with him he has some very personal issues and they need to be discovered! I feel that he consulted a psychatrist because his own behavior is worring him. Why a psychatrist and not a marriage counselor since he is stating his problem stems from you? Why is counseling not including you? I am sorry but it should be and since it involves you why would you be left in the dark? I don't believe or trust what he is saying to you and I would not fall for it. Don't let him blame you for his reasons that he is responding and acting out like this in the marriage. Honestly something more than he is saying is going on here and you are not responsible for his actions against you. I am really wondering what he meant by the constant worry about you being unhappy all of these years?? I would think what has he done to me all of these years that I would be unhappy about? He owes you more of an explanation than comments like that! What does this mean he finds you very controlling and intrusive upon his personal space? That statement could mean that he resents you in comparrison to be able to do what he wants to do with something or someone and that you are in his way of it. He almost sounds torn between a life he would rather have than the life he is in. You need to end this misery he is causing you and find out what is going on in your life because of him sweetie. Good luck and take care of yourself.
2007-05-31 08:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it could go either way. His behavior might be due to him feeling controlled and intruded upon. (That's how he feels, not necessarily how it is.) It could be that he's being unfaithful to you too. Sorry. But I wouldn't take these few things and start making assumptions on that. He might be telling the truth. Any other symptoms of cheating? Like refusing to say where he's been? Coming home later than expected? Strange hang-up phone calls to your house? Smelling of perfume? Showering as soon as he gets home? Spending money that he can't explain?
I would request marriage counseling during your cool-off period.
2007-05-31 05:06:54 · answer #3 · answered by blooming chamomile 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just when you think you've heard it all......!! Since when does someone with dizzy spells and headaches go to a psychiatrist? There is definitely something wrong here but he has already closed all the doors and has made the preparations toward leaving. You have been together for long enough to know this.
2007-05-31 08:28:40 · answer #4 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't necessarily say that hes cheating but what brought this on all of the sudden? and why go to a psychiatrist why not a physician? if he wants space give it to him. move out let him have the space he desires. he will either work thru it himself or he will open up to you but its obvious he doesn't want to talk about it now and you pushing will just make it worse. best you know now the status of him mental health before kids come into the picture
2007-05-31 06:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was dizzy and had heart pains I would go to the emergency or my doctor not a psychiatrist.
Cool off to sort things out means have a go at the new relationship (usually).
I would bet he is having an affair.
2007-05-31 04:39:53 · answer #6 · answered by Red 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you given her enough time or affection? Busy couples can't show their 100 percent love to each other. After their work, they are so exhausted. They will not sleep together, or they sleep in separate bedrooms (one body, two bedrooms). One of them are near to temptations - to their co - workers, friends, or etc.
They should set aside times for playing, as what children does - giggles, jokes, and so on. Night is good for that, but they are already tired.
They should plan a place to speak with their problems and for relaxing.
2007-05-31 04:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by Meadow2009 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he didn't have anything to hide, he wouldn't be locking his phone and things... listen, its unusual for a man to not want to be sexual with his wife... there is something going on, and you need to find out what it is.. take the cool-off period he wants and find yourself a good divorce lawyer.
2007-05-31 06:05:48 · answer #8 · answered by emtb9 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I suspect he is having an affair.
Let him go. and find someone who deserve your love.
2007-05-31 07:29:36 · answer #9 · answered by dhel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
locking his phone and personal drawer?
THATS cheating. what has he got to hide?
2007-05-31 04:38:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋