Husband emailing girl what do i do?

Question

My husband is in Iraq and I am staying with my MIL. I tried opening my mail on her computer and accidently logged onto my husbands as a password was saved. I was confused as I was looking and realized that it was his email and there was a letter to a woman and he had writter back while he was deployed. He signed it as "Love". I don't know what to do? Do I wait til he calls.. file for divorce? please help!

I don't have the exact email but it was definetely a love letter

I can tell that it is someone from his past and there is nothing going on between them now but the point is that he is writing love letters and isn't that cheating to me?

I don't know the code

My MIL was the one who had logged on but she denies it to me. I would say it is not just a friend thing.

He's in an all male unit.

Answer 1

Tell me what he wrote first.... I really want to know because my husband is in the military and if he did that when he was in Iraq I'd freakin kill him... add more. I'll check back!



Uhm, yea. If it were me, I would tell him. Hands down. I mean, you caught him red handed, ya know? If you are still interested in saving the marriage then try asking him sanely about it.... but don't ask him if it is true... because you already know the answer to that. Ask him why he is doing it... If he comes up with a lot of ridiculous excuses... freakin' leave the douche bag. Seriously, noone should deal with that kind of crap. I just..ugh... I hate that so much. My husband is in the Marine corps and so much of that kind of stuff goes on. It seriously makes me nautious. Just respect yourself and hold yourself with dignity... don't go psycho. You don't want to give him a reason to turn it onto you... Seriously, I hope everything turns out ok and just be strong. Don't let yourself be used as a doormat because you love him... It isn't worth losing yourself for a man. Good luck

<3

Answer 2

"accidently logged onto my husbands as a password was saved" - haha, yeah right. It was no accident.

Anyway...

File for divorce? NO
Wait and discuss it with him? Now theres a sensible idea.
I am happily married and both my partner and i sign off with Love, or something similar to close friends and family etc.

Dont jump to conclusions just yet.

What does your MIL think about it? Does she know the person? wait and find out facts first before you go abusing him.

If he cant give you straight answers... the open fire on his As$ :)

I guess at this point at least you know he's not physically with anyone else if hes deployed, there might be other females in his regiment but it's rare that you see 2 soldiers engaging in sexual relations while on duty.

hope it works out.

Answer 3

I sign many letters to friends with love....I would look more at the context of the letter then the signature.

Was there more then one letter? Is he writing to someone that he knew and met over there...I don't think I would jump the gun (so to say) I would give it time and see what is happening???

I also would think twice about your convo's while he is over there....what may seem sunny one day could be completely dark and gray the next....he is under a lot of pressure serving his country.As I know the pressure is there for you too, being away and feeling like a single Mom.

Remember to keep this to you and him and don't involve the MIL do to the fact that could cause problems later on.
File for divorce....that is a big jump considering you don't know all the facts....
Give it time, talk to him and think before doing......



If you know it was a love letter....make copies and keep them for future reference...it could help if you did file....
Just get your ducks in a row before doing anything....I don't know how close you are with your MIL...however be careful you are stepping on her stomping grounds with her son.
If you are going to file, I would consider moving out getting a place of your own using the baq and housing allowance to make a start and then go from there.....Plan ahead....
Knowledge is Power and this is knowledge you have...make it work in your favor .

best wishes

Answer 4

It depends on what the letter said. I wouldn't say anything at the moment, because most likely he'll come up with a lie and change his password. I would keep monitoring the emails just to see where it goes, it may just be a pen pal thing or may be more. If its more make copies and confront him. Also in case he is cheating you may want to use this time to improve your situation, saving money, trying to get your own place instead of living with his mom.

Answer 5

I don't know what the letter said but a letter to a woman signed love is not good. I'd definitely confront him about this... (eventually). It's a tough decision because he can simply change his screename or his password and keep emailing her. What I would do is keep checking his email.. do you know his password? Are you close with your mother in law.. can she be a confidant? This is tough.. I feel bad for you.
The best thing you can do is keep your cool... watch and wait (there is nothing to be had by jumping the gun). Get his password however you have to do it... keep tabs...
And once you have all the info you need confront him... but i'd want to know who what and why.. i'd even call her if I could find out her name... work on that.

Answer 6

What is wierd is that this seems to be a woman you don't recognize. I sometimes sign an email as "love" to a few friends who are not my wife, but they are people I have known for like 10 years and like a sister to me, and my wife knows who these people are and understands there's nothing shady going on. So, if your husband is close enough to someone to use that kind of language, I would have hoped that you were also acquainted with that person.

Take a deep breath and don't rush to conclusions yet. But do make sure you talk to him about it next time he calls. Don't accuse him of anything yet, but see if he gets irrationally defensive about it after just asking some simple questions about what's going on.

Answer 7

Do some investigating...check phone records and email accounts. Make sure you have all the facts.....maybe by checking the email you can find out who this girl is then confront her to get the facts! Then go with your gut instinct. It is rarely wrong.
Then send the "dear JOhn"letter. Find a better man, one that wont do this to you.....I'd be filing for divorce, without giving him even a phone call. I know it is hard but pack up your bags and take your pride and go.....once a cheater, always a cheater.

Answer 8

First off you need not to panic just wait since the password is saved be nossy. he is your husband so there should be no secrets. once you find some solid information print it out and keep copies(they will help you out later if you file for divorce) but if further emails reveal a cheater then get a divorce. he is in iraq and you are his wife so his moment of free time should be directed towards you.

Answer 9

I think you're jumping to conclusions. Most people end most letters with "Love." Now, if it was an actual love letter to the other woman, that might mean something.

Divorce is not an end-all solution to anything. It's a last resort. He's away from you. He misses that affection you can offer him.

Write him a letter telling him how much you miss him and still love him. Tell him you saw the letter. But don't jump to conclusions. Talk it out first.

Answer 10

If you had a good relationship with him before he left and he has been in Iraq for a long time, let it go for now...If there were problems in your marriage besides distance confront it. If your relationship seems communicable on his side and he states his love then he is probably lonely. If you have no children and he had been distant from the marriage and does not email you like her then look for the divorce. If it was me I would not tell him you have the code and I would monitor their emails and use your judgement. Good luck