I am 5 1/2 months pregnant and I took the day off of work to get a cavity filled, when returning to work today my boss asked how my tooth was I said fine ,but it would have to be extracted but that I would wait until after I had the baby because of the medications afterward, and his response to this was "guess you shouldn't have got pregnant then eh?" I was shocked to hear this so I then asked him to repeat what he had said, he did. When I asked him what that was supposed to mean he claimed he was just joking. Annoyed, I walked away and he proceded to ask me when my boyfriend and I were planning on getting married, and to my further disbelief said "So it was an accident eh? you know an "oops" moment?" I said that I didnt consider my child or my choices to be an accident or an oops. He said " well it obviously wasn't planned, so it would be an OOPS!" The phone rang and he answered it and that was the last of that topic. Would anyone else be as offended and what should I do?
2007-05-30 16:46:31 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
That's very offensive joking or not, you're boss is an ****** for saying that, obviously he has a problem with you being pregnant, maybe he is not looking forward to your maternity leave, even though is your right. I don't think is harassment either, because you need more than one incident to be consider that. I would go to his boss and let him know of this that way he can at least be aware of his actions. And hopefully be more respectful.
2007-05-30 16:59:28 · answer #1 · answered by Ryder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm, o.k., this is a tough one. Not because I think he is right, the man severely lacks tact and empathy. He just sounds like a jerk. And there is no law against being a jerk.
As far as his saying "I guess you shouldn't have gotten pregnant", perhaps he thought you were complaining that you would have to wait to get your tooth extracted? Even jerks misunderstand what you are saying.
Asking when you and your boyfriend will get married - well, I must admit that I felt that way for the longest time. But on the other hand, when my daughter got pregnant, I knew the father was an absolute loser and so I didn't want her to marry him (not that I'm saying the dad of your baby is unfit or a jerk!). I just look at things a bit different these days :-) and feel that getting married isn't necessarily the solution when an unmarried couple get pregnant. God WANTS you to be married before you get pregnant, and he certainly WANTS you to be married before you have sex - but well, what's done is done now, you know? He loves you anyway, believe me.
As far as the baby being an accident, God never makes mistakes. The bible tells us that HE knew your baby from the moment it was conceived in your womb. It is indeed a human being from the get go, and HE loves your baby and made no mistakes in creating it. It may not have been planned by you and the Dad, but it was certainly planned by God! Doesn't that make you feel special about your baby!
So, ignore the jerk. I honestly believe that people like him just deserve to be ignored. The more weight you give what they say, the more they offer their opinions. So when he makes a statement like that - look him straight in the eye and say "look, thanks a lot, but your opinions really don't matter a whit to me" and smile, wink, and walk away. I think he'll get the message without your having to be any ruder and stooping to his level.
Wishing you and the baby many blessings - good luck!
2007-05-31 00:00:55 · answer #2 · answered by whatrukidding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually to me it doesn't sound like he was attempting to be rude. Though he was... from what you say he was just talking. Perhaps he was just trying to strike up conversation and a bit of humor thinking you might find it funny... or just picking on you a bit. I've found that men have a hard time talking to pregnant women sometimes. My own male best friend couldn't find anything better to talk about other than possible complications and how large I had gotten but he didn't mean to be rude.
2007-05-31 00:08:12 · answer #3 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah that should do the trick but it would be hard to prove unless you have witnesses to the conversation. Either way I would let his boss or the human resources department know of the incident. I believe if you let your boss know you were offended he would apologize to you and probably watch his choice of words in the future.
2007-05-30 23:58:24 · answer #4 · answered by Mark L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you are a little more sensitive than usual. this happens because of all the hormone imbalance with the pregnancy and all. totally normal. no, maybe he is just a jerk anyways and you are more tuned to his jerky behavior now that you are pregnant. dont take it to heart. know that his opinion doesnt matter and you are about to be a new mommy in 3 and a half more months. Congrats to you and stay strong.
2007-05-31 00:06:30 · answer #5 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think this situation warrants harassment...yet. i would politely inform him that you prefer not to discuss such personal issues as they have nothing to do w/ your job or performance, and really aren't any of his business. it's also a good idea to have a neutral party witness this conversation or make some sort of documentation of having this said conversation, in the likely event he decides to retaliate, then ya got him by the nads. you also need to write all the details of the this conversation and the names of anyone who may have overheard the comments. there are federal laws that protect pregnant women in the workplace. sounds like a real ****** to me.
2007-05-31 00:04:39 · answer #6 · answered by sammie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be really offended! Oh my goodness! How rude! I would file a complaint with his boss. No body higher than him? Then I would go to his office and explain how his behavior was vulgar and objectional to you and how you do not want to here it anymore also that you do not want to hear his "excuses" anymore example = it was a joke! If he says something that makes you uncomfortable or says something that makes you think he is going to say it again or if he says it again please quit. You nor your baby need that type of environment.
Good Luck!
~Sarah
2007-05-30 23:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by Saerah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Umm... yeah. Tactless at best. I'd just let it go unless he brings it up again. If he does then I would use the "When you" "It makes me feel" "I need you to" method.
Ex: When you talk about my baby being an accident it makes me feel like you are judging me. I need you too keep your opinions about my personal life to yourself.
Not exactly that but it gets the idea across.
2007-05-31 00:11:12 · answer #8 · answered by techie.wench 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, he didn't mind telling you how he felt. I don't think this was harassment, but it was unprofessional and tacky. I would tell him that you didn't appreciate his comments and if he continues on, take it to the next level. Just because he is your boss doesn't give him the right to talk to you about your personal life in this manner.
2007-05-31 00:01:50 · answer #9 · answered by Mommy to 3 beautiful babies! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure about the harassment part, but it was very rude of him to say it. Not to mention, none of his business. I would of been offended too. And I also would report this to HR.
2007-05-31 02:48:51 · answer #10 · answered by eloclegin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋