my poem please tell me what you think?

Question

its not about me or aybody i know it just came into my mind
im young so cut some slack



drunken mother already in bed
my brain feeling as if its not in my head
i turn around and see it there
anything that can tear
pintch, poke, cut, kill,
to take me out of my misery
the thrill
i reach for the razor sitting there
my mind floting in mid-air
every memory good or bad
i look in the mirror its very sad
i throw a candle
break the glass
start to cry
as i begin to slash
away the pain
and
misery
finally o finally
im free.

i know its not wonderful
this is my first poem
please tell me what you think
honestly.

ok the first guy i went n looked at his

he does tht to every1
total jurk
o well

Answer 1

Very dark but very good. One note: try changing feeling to feels in the 2nd line. Feeling screws up the rhythm.

Answer 2

Honestly...I don't really like it. Nothing special pops out, and I think you know that, based on your little side notes.

Since it isn't about you, or someone you know....there's no passion behind it. It just is. It doesn't have meaning and that's obvious.

Try writing a poem about something you feel, something that's real in your life.

Answer 3

good what do you think of mine Im not being offensive or rude its just how kid are in my school.Okay.

Boys are tuffed up.
Girls are more puffed up
Boys rock and roll
While girls have the feminine roll
boys say ice
mexican girls eat rice

Answer 4

Actually most of the poetry I read is disappointing, yours did not disappoint.

Answer 5

i think you have potential. keep writing, practice makes perfect.

Answer 6

wow