If your husband had an affair?

Question

Say you were forced to be geographically apart for almost a year and you hubby(or wife) had an affair for 5-6 months and had sex probably 10-15 times, would you say this was a fling, long term affair, or would you say your spouse cheated on you 10-15 times....this is my case and I just dont know how to answer when someone asks what happened. I want to be honest, but I dont really feel like he cheated on me 10-15 times...I know this sounds crazy but just womdering how to look at it. Yes, I did forgive him, and we are now together and doing well, of course he had a lot of *** kissing to take care of before I felt like I could take him back, I had to make sure he was sincere in his remorse

Thanks, if you are actually answering the question i asked, and if you are here just to give marital advice of dump him, leave him or whatever...Thank god, my pastor and therapist have so much more knowledge than you....we have a womderful marriage at this point...even if I had left him...it would not have changed the fact that he cheated and I got hurt...I would just be "giving up" on a 18 yr relationship...not an easy thing to walk away from especially when you have kids.

Jax*********THANK YOU FOR "GETTING WHERE I AM COMING FROM!!!!!!

To those of you who think you could never forgive...you may just suprise yourself...I always said the same...as he always said he would never cheat...I guess you just never know. And for those of you that say you WOULD NEVER forgive...I feel sorry for you, it is a wonderful feeling to be able to forgive someone you care about. It is a true gift from God....just like the gift of forgiveness he gives us all...if he can do it...who are we not to try? It really does lighten the heart when you are able to.

Answer 1

I am glad you said it. Why lose an otherwise wonderful mate for a situation that would not happen under other circumstances?

Answer 2

Don't be surprised if it happens again. Your husband had a LONG TERM AFFAIR. Meaning, that it was more like a relationship. This was definitely not a FLING, this was actually worse! How could you forgive him? I don't know maybe I'm just a callous person or not very forgiving but I thought that when you marry someone it's suppose to be just that ONE person for the rest of your life. Another woman had your man in bed. She spent a very private and intimate time with him, and to top it off it lasted about 1/2 a year! A.s.s kissing means nothing. What would anyone expect??? I don't know, I couldn't forgive my husband if he did that. 5-6 months is a long time and how in the world are you SO SURE they only had sex 10-15 times??? Do you think he really counted? Do you think he was completely honest with what exactly went on between them???? I'm sorry to be so harsh, I just don't see how he could do that to his wife who he supposedly loves. I know women forgive cheating men all the time, but I'm not one of them. Geography means sh*t. He let his lust get the best of him and the saddest part was that he actually risked his marriage just to unload his man juices. Disgusting! Let's hope he doesn't do it again. Or will you accept more a.s.s. kissing? On the other hand.......he was gone almost a year so how faithful were you? If you did the same thing, then I'd say they wash eachother out. Otherwise sorrry......he can find his new home out in the middle of the street!

Answer 3

I am on your side but there is one thing I do have a problem
with and that is your husband having sex with another woman
for 5 or 6 months and only having sex 10-15 times.Your husband is lying to you because when two people start an affair I can guarantee you that they would be going at it more then twice a month more like 10-15 in one month. I no we want to believe our husbands but when they do something like cheating then they give up that right.My husband cheated on me to and I will never forgive him and he knows this.By you telling him you forgive him this is how he really interprets it.(If or when I do it again she will forgive me). He now knows that all he needs to do is kiss your as s a little bit longer.You go and ask any man about the odds of him doing it again I dare you.
For your sake I hope it does work out for the two of you.and maybe you are lucky enough to have a man who learned his lesson the first time. All that matters is he treats you good and your happy.I just don't like to see women get used by husbands who makes all these promises. I wish you all the luck you and your husband.

Answer 4

Let me give you some advice which I believe is very sound.

''Some men are only as faithful as their options.''

Are you sure he is trustworthy? It seems to me a one time fling may be an isolated occurrence, but a 10 - 15 times fling is an affair. They, or should I say he, would have to plan these lustful meetings. In his mind he is thinking, ''how can I get away with this.'' Did your man apologize because he got caught or did he tell you straight up before you found out? Some men cheat and they will again if they can.

Now let me tell you this. My wife is a great cook so I don't go to another woman for food. Thankfully my wife is a great lover so I don't go to another woman for sex. Now I'm not saying your a bad lover. What I am saying is talk to your husband more about this affair with a cool head and an open mind. Tell him it's over between him and the other girl and everything will be OK but ... ask him, ''What can I do to be a better lover to you?'' I mean this sincerely. If you can get him to open up and tell you what he wants then maybe you could at least try to please him in that way. But this ain't no one way street, you tell him what you want as well. Talk to each other and maybe this won't happen again.

My wife and I went through our own rough patch and we sat down to talk about our love making. It turns out she didn't know I liked certain things because I never told her I did. The same was true for her as well. There were aspects of our love making she wanted and I didn't supply her needs. We both agreed to try at least one thing the other suggested to make each other happy.

I know love between a man and a woman is much more than sex and sex shouldn't be the one thing you base a relationship on. But, let's face it, sex is important. Give him the kind of loving that makes him want to come home as soon as he can. The kind of loving that has him thinking about you all day and dying to be in your arms. As I said this is a two way street, he needs to supply your needs as well to have you thinking about him all day.

I know one thing for absolute certain ... your marriage will never work unless you not only forgive him but you also forget it happened. Trust is just as important as any other aspect of marriage, maybe more so. He has to admit one thing and you have to accept one thing ... this was an affair. He didn't cheat on you 10 - 15 times, he had an affair which includes any amount of time between their encounters and while they were together not having sex. It was an emotional bonding as well as a physical bonding. Don't let him off the hook without him admitting it was an affair.

I hope you two work things out and happiness is yours once more.

Answer 5

Well if you have really managed to put this behind you then I find it hard to understand why you need to put a label on what he did to you & your marriage at this point.

For me the term "fling" tends to trivialise what he did, so I would suggest you rule that one out.
I would say that an affair that lasted with the same woman for 5 or 6 months would be accurately described as "long-term".
Also I would like to say that if my wife cheated on me, I wouldn't care if she had sex only once, & the affair lasted only 15 minutes. I would still be just as hurt as if it lasted 5 months, & she has sex 10 to 15 times.
Cheating is cheating, so I would describe it that way if it ever came up in conversation.

Congrats on being able to reconcile with your husband. I am sure with each passing day you will find your relationship has healed a little more. I hope that putting a label on his affair will help you that much more in the healing process.

I suggest that you stay focussed on what he has done since the affair, & a little less on what he did then, & how many times it happened. :)

Answer 6

You must be naive have low self esteem or some kind of a martyr complex!by the way 5-6 months is an affair not a fling and generally once a cheater always a cheater dont fool yourself this may be the only time you caught him cheating?And he probably only came back to you so he would not have sell out half of everything to you in a divorce.Ever hear the expression cheaper to keep her?Pastor has his own religious agenda and therapist wont make any money if you dont keep coming back.

Answer 7

Jesus is this a speech to yourself or do you want some advice?

Of course its cheating to you because you are a woman. To men its living. Marriage sucks the life out of you and its boring. Men feel dead inside when they only have one woman to have sex with. Listen I should know I have been in your husbands shoes before and I still cheated again and again. Yes I felt guilty at the time but I still did it.
It must be convience for you and him to stay together. Money and kids always play a real sad part in marriages.
Its never the real reason why you got together. LOVE!
Not something that exists anymore.
My best advice would be to let your husband go free. Make him whole again and yourself. You might find that your were never the person you thought should be married.

Answer 8

I would say he had an affair. You could say that he cheated on you that many times, but really cheating isn't just sex. If he was dating this other person than even that was cheating. I wouldn't call it a fling because I consider a fling kinda like a one night stand, and it obviously wasn't one night. They had a relationship. So if I were you I would just say affair or long term affair. Also, just wanted to add that it takes a strong person to forgive someone for cheating. Congrats for working it out and good luck in the future.

Answer 9

Of course he cheated on you. If he needed a release he could've gotten to know his right and left hand on a more personal basis! The fact that he was remorseful means he knows what he did was WRONG. Trust is very important in a marriage and he blew that out of the water. The fact that he fell into another woman's arms 10-15 times means he really has no emotional bond with you. You may feel emotionally attached to him, but it seems he does not return the favor. Of course you can forgive him if want, but deep down I doubt you will ever really trust him again. Good luck but don't get your hopes up!

Answer 10

I don't think you have to say, "Oh, he cheated x amount of times.". I don't think that you have to say anything to anyone if you don't want but, if you're going to discuss it, then suffice it to say that he cheated.

In case anyone criticizes you in one direction or another for taking him back, I want to say this:
My husband and I have been together for over fifteen years and been married for over thirteen. He has never cheated but the longer we're married (without children), the more I believe that I would be able to forgive. This is not a license for him to cheat on me but the longer you invest into a relationship, the more you stand to lose. I realize that I have put my entire self into this and believe that, as long as he loved and wanted me, I'd fight for us.

Just a thought.

Additional comment: I just read your added comments and feel like you've validated my emotions - thanks! You are not just a loving wife but an intelligent woman. Before, I would stand by what some answers have included, once a cheater always a cheater. But there's different circumstances and you have children which only makes it more important to overcome this sad situation - sounds like you're doing well. God Bless!!!

Answer 11

Cheating is cheating and it's always a choice. It was just as hard for you not to cheat being apart and sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the one we love. How do you know it was only one woman? Also did you get tested for std's? Men can be carriers of certain strains and it doesn't show up for years. Hpv cerical cancer. Yes you look at it as cheating because that's what it was. I guess you would have to look at it this way if you wanted him back with you bad enough.........men can take care of themselves when they need release .....you didn't cheat on him and stayed faithfull because you loved him. What was he feeling about you all those numerous times he had sex with this woman? I guess he might have been thinking about you so that makes it right? I don't think so ......your life was lonely to. He may informed you about it just in case something would come up with you health wise later on. Good luck and best wishes.