why do people bully others?

Question

i had/have a bully. she is a cousin in my family, and for a long time, the way she treated me (giving me the silent treatment, ignoring me, insulting me in front of others) did not really affect me. But for the past four years this has really ruined my life. I have started smoking, heavy drinking, depression, severe weight gain, low self-esteem, insomnia, nightmares, and feeling hopeless. How do I get over this? I am really miserable and need some help. Since she is in my family it may be hard to avoid her....but what can I do???????

Answer 1

I think you need to get some counseling. I think you are a very sensitive person. Some people could blow her off, but others who are sensitive take it all to heart. You can't let her dictate or ruin your life. You are a worthy person and you shouldn't let her control your life. Please get some help and learn some ways in which you can deal with her. Being that she is part of the family, it will not be easy to avoid her, but the less you see of her the better. She probably knows she is bothering you, but she is a "bully" and takes great delight in it. The way I try to handle this: I always try to impress upon myself that it doesn't matter what "he" thinks of me or "she" thinks of me, but only what God thinks of me. If I am living my life to please Him, he is the only one that matters, and if someone else doesn't like it, it is their problem. Good Luck.

Answer 2

People mistreat other people because they are somehow unhappy with themselves. They feel insecure and when they show to themselves that they can effect or control other people it makes them feel better - they feel stronger and more important.

So, there are a couple things you can do to combat this:

First, you need to remember that you have to show people how to treat you, by how you carry yourself and treat yourself and others. If they think that you don't respect yourself, they won't respect you either. Don't put her above you in vaule in your own mind, or vice-versa.

Be sure that you display a confident and controlled persona (even if you don't feel like it). Part of this is to show that you are indifferent to her behavior and that you just aren't interested in her negativity. Ignore it. Show that it doesn't effect you and so it's not important to you.

However, at the same time, you should show her that the positive things she does are important to you and that you appreciate them. Always remember to be friendly and polite to her - especially when she is being mean. Demonstrate that you are the bigger person with a more refined character.

Because bullies are usually pretty empty inside you should look for ways to help her feel better about herself. Give her honest compliments occasionally and include her in things if you think she might be feeling left out. (be careful with this though. You don't want to overdo this otherwise she'll think you're trying to kiss up to her and it will backfire)

If you combine all these behaviors in your approach to her, she will likely see you as someone who is mature and she will ultimately feel uncomfortable about her behavior toward you.

Minimize the bad in people and maximize the good. I have seen this work to the point that the person who was bullying actually begins to admire the person they used to bully and they want to be their friend because that person makes them feel better about themselves. It can actually be a great opportuntiy to learn to stand up for yourself while helping someone who is probably pretty lost and looking for a friend, even if she won't show it.

Regarding the smoking, heavy drinking, depression, severe weight gain, low self-esteem, insomnia, nightmares, and feeling hopeless I would agree with other responders that you probably have more going on than just the bullying and it is not entirely responsible for these things. I would definitely seek some counseling, which can really help to get your thoughts and feelings worked out.

Best wishes!

Answer 3

LOW SELF ESTEEM', They probably have real issues. Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side, Other's have it worse than you.
Why would you let her get under your skin, you gave her the power. It's time to take control of your life, and get your power back, only YOU can do this. You really need to love yourself more, STOP the smoking, drinking & overeating, Work on your self esteem, exercise and take care of yourself. Your risking your health, Reality Check, do you think that when your in the hospital she'll take care of you? Of course NOT. SO, How do you eat an Elephant? One piece at a time
So what if she's family, you don't live her, so... don't go to family functions. Why keep feeding the wolf. Get your life back, Life is too short, to let other's shorten your's.
Get your butt back on track.' Enjoy Life, Life is good.
Good Luck

Answer 4

Bullies are opportunistic. They prey where they feel strong. If you stand your ground once - especially in a place where everyone sees it- she loses her power over you. If she gives you the silent treatment or ignores you, perfect! She pushes you because she can.

When she insults you in front of others simply say "Sally, Do you realize how your insults make you look to other people?" Does it make you feel better about yourself?" Betch' that'll work and the eyes in the room will turn to her and away from you. Trust me I have some bad eggs in my carton too. If that doesn't work, when she shows up, look out the window and ask her did she have her broom valet parked.

Answer 5

She's a bully. You can not blame others for what YOU do. You need someone to talk to. Maybe a counselor to help find out why you are drinking and gaining weight and such. You cannot blame this on your cousin. She does not force you to eat. Why is it effecting you now after 4 years? there must be something else going on.

Answer 6

She must be n.v.s of you or something. That is usually the case some type of jealousy. Tell her to get a life and leave you alone. You're gonna have to stand up to her and tell her to stop hatin.

Answer 7

Because of immaturity, inferiorty complex, no self confidence and enviousness.

Answer 8

Break her arm.

Answer 9

don't have