is my wife a lesbian or in need of professional help?

Question

my wife and i have been 2gether for 9 years and have 2 wonderful kids.we love eachother very much and our sex life is amazing.she decidedrecently she loves women and wants 2 b with a women.she feels that is what is missing 2 make her complete.we have had a 3some once before but i feel her feelings go deeper.my wife has had a very traumatic life growing up with men being sexually abused.my wife does not want to lose me she tells me i saved her life with the love i give her.she has moved out but we talk every day and she still loves me.we cry alot dont sleep and dont eat.this is tearing both of us apart and we are going to seek councelling.i dont know if our lifestyle has helped out much.we have lesbian friends and i talk alot about seeing her with another woman.she is talking to a girl about this who wants my wife and has told her she is a lesbian married 2 a man please give me some thoughts

Answer 1

Seems that you all need help. I have to tell you that you don't make any sense to me. You said this situation is tearing you up, but yet you had a threesome with your wife and that didn't bother you? Is this a marriage or a sex game?

Answer 2

I think your wife is just insanely bored with her life and what is going on in it. I think the counseling will help.

Sadly, this happens a lot to people who introduce the whole 3some thing into their relationship.

You need to stand your ground, and although you still love her, let her know that you can't be second fiddle. It is not fair that she ask you to do that. If she loved you, then she would either stay with you and give up this other woman, or she would let you go.

Put the shoe on the other foot...would she tolerate you sleeping with some one else? NOPE. Whether it was a woman, or another man, she would not deal with it. SO WHY SHOULD YOU?

Let her make her decision. She needs to. You don't want your kids growing up thinking that it is okay to cheat on your husband, as long as it is with another woman.

let me ask you this...would you still be this understanding if it were a MAN instead of a woman? DOUBTFUL.

Stick to your guns. You deserve someone who loves YOU and ONLY you.

Answer 3

It sounds like your wife needs to sort out her emotional and physical needs. Professional's would help her do that. And they would help you to deal with the situation at hand.

It sounds like her issues go deeper than sexual curiousity. Her lifestyle and emotional completion are in question. And she probably needs time and counselling to sort it all out. Bravo to you for keeping the lines of communication open! I can not imagine what you must be feeling and hope that you have a good support system that is non-judgemental that is willing to stay beside you through this.

Love the person that she is, but take care of yourself and those children! They must be frightened and confused as to why you are not together.
Best of luck to you and your wife.

Answer 4

shes a lesbian, and i'd prob just let her go. Sounds like she cares for you very deeply, obviously since you have children and been together for 9years, I think she may love you as a person and best friend, but by her voicing her opinion about wanting a woman, she may be wanting the loving relationship of a woman and by moving out proves it more. I think she doesnt want to loose u as a friend, since you two share so much history. Just let her go, you will someday find happiness with a woman who wants u and only you. I wouldnt waste any more emotions on this. Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm very sorry. My best friend's husband left her a year ago for a man. It takes a little while to get used to, but just know that if she feels happier with a woman...well, you want her to be happy right? Just make sure that you still love each other, and realize you have to let things go every once in a while. If you're supportive of her, then your kids will be too. It might take some getting used to for all of you.

Answer 6

Based on what you have done in the past jointly. Upmost be responsible. Talk to you wife, and evaluate your values and convictions toward your marriage with your wife. If you both agree and want to allow your wife to try this new woman, see the outcome. However, remember the importance of the kids you both have and make sure your wife understands the health of the 2 kids with whatever consequences you both decide. ...

Answer 7

your first mistake was having a treesome with your wife and whomever! If you love someone, how can you stand to see them be touched, kissed, etc.. by any one else. And to tell her that you want to see her with another woman is the epitome of stupidity! (Men are such DOGS) BUT, don't give up just yet! Go to ... no, RUN to couples/marriage counseling! Hopefully a certified professional can help the two of you. I wish you both the best of luck!

Answer 8

My ex-wife kept her true feelings hidden and only after almost 15 years of marriage did she finally come out of the closet.

That's why she is my ex.

It's not change that we recoil against, it's the fact that we are forced to confront and learn and accept something new.

That is life. It is always a challenge and struggle. It was a struggle for my ex, it is a struggle for your (probably soo to be ex) wife and it is a struggle for you.

May I suggest simply being thankful for the opportunity to learn what you did not know before and letting your wife go in peace. No fighting, no arguing, no possessiveness, just let go and let be.

Because if you or she try to ignore this revelation of hers or deceive yourselves, it will eventually backfire and only cause more misery for both of you.

Answer 9

ok so she told you your love saved her?...well then tell her that if she loved you and only you like she should her love would save you...and your marriage.go ahead and go to counseling.she may not really be a lesbian just afraid cause of how she was treated throughout her life.most women who have been abused are just afraid.reassure her regularly and try to get her to move back in.being apart is not the wisest or best thing to do in this situation.yall need to be together more not apart.

Answer 10

If I have a three some I dont want it to be with my wife. first of all she would hate the idea, and second I think I would be putting down her moral values and she is a very good person. I wouldnt push her to do anything like that. If that is what your wife likes now what will be next when she get bored about that. maybe shell want two guys.