How can I help my friend?

Question

This is a woe that can only be shared among guys.

I know old Tom for a long time, longer than the time we work together in our place of work. I got a job at the same company he works in and so we have been working together for a long time. He is a nice guy. We can get along well and he is honest and sincere. It is difficult to find a guy like him. Sometimes, we also share some of our problems together, problems our wives cannot solve and best not know. He has also been married for a long time. He has a seemingly wonderful wife and 5 kids. His kids have also all grown. His eldest girl is going to enter university shortly. His youngest girl is about to enter high school. It is the ideal family most people would want.

One day for some reason, his wife said something that made him placed suspicion on her. (he didn't tell me what). For quite some time, he felt uncomfortable. Hence, one day, he decided to act. Every year, his wife will always go back to visit her relatives in a neighbouring state. She will also take a few of the kids along with her to see them. During easter, he managed to persuade her not to take any of them along with her. She thus went alone. During her absence, he quietly took all his kids to have their DNA analysed. He was so secretive he didn't even tell his children that. He only told them he took them for a health checkup.

When the DNA results came back, it confirmed his worst fears. His third child, a guy in his teens, is not his. His DNA doesn't match. Ironically, the boy's DNA match that of his siblings. This proves there could be no mistake of a mismatch at the hospital years earlier. He sent them for further DNA test whch proves his suspicion.

Tom was devastated. He is most definitely visibly upset. It would also be difficult for him to do anything. He is afraid it may affect the other children. This is especially so his eldest daughter, who will be starting the universtity soon. Likwise, he also find it difficult to diverge the secret to the 3rd kid, whom he treats like his own. It will also be difficult for him to file for a divorce and move on. Where can he move on to? He has spent much time building his family in his home. He also finds it difficult to broach this subject to his wife. He also found it difficult to trust his wife now, even though she is also in her mid 40s. His wife still did not know what he had discovered.

I so much wanted to help Tom. He is a great guy. I just do not know what can I do. It can be very tiring to listen to his woes which he repeats quite frequently. but I felt sorry for him. What do you think I should do? What do you think Tom should do to solve this problem?

Answer 1

tell his wife that he knows something. And, then as adults they can come up with a rational decision, which will probably end up being that they stay together.

Answer 2

if i was him i would say i have been wondering something 4 a wile not is # # # really mine yes she will kick of but stay calm then if she tells the truth then fan her and talk through it and sort it out but if she says no then till her that u no 4 a fact that she is lying and tell her what he did then she cant lie any more hope that helps

Answer 3

First of all, it isn't your business to get involved in. That has to be between your friend and his wife. If he is really bothered, he needs to comfront his wife. If he doesn't want to do that then he just needs to live with it!