should i tell my husband i did a few porn movies before we met?

Question

Before we met i was on drugs, and got myself a few gigs in porn movies, my hubby doesnt know about it, but he knows about my former drug use. he loves me so much, and I cant tell him, but sometimes i feel like i want to, just so i wodnt have any secrets.
Do you think every relationship has secrets, some secrets better never to be revealed or what? I wasnt myself when i did it, i know i wouldnt do it if i wasnt on drugs.

if he told me something horrible from his past, i would say, its ok it was your past.

if he finds out, should i tell him "i dont remember doing it" thats if i decide not to tell him about it.

Answer 1

Hell yes you should tell him. The last thing you want is for him to be at his friends house and you happen to show up in a porno flick. It would be bad news for him to find out from a friend. Just be upfront with him now and let the chips fall where they may.

Answer 2

If he knows you were on drugs, then he knows the majority of porn stars do it to support their habit. The same as prostitution, the majority of prostitues do it to support their drug habit. If he loves you as much as you say he does, then he will understand that your drug use, not you, was the reason you did a few porn movies. I would be inclined to tell him, because what if someone recognises you as being in a porn movie and exposes you. I think that is when your husband would be totally devestated. If you think there is zero chance he would ever find out, then maybe let the past stay where it is. If there is only a half a percent chance he could find out, then it will be better coming from your lips. If he loves you, then he WILL understand. If he has a logical brain, then he has the ability to put your past into persepctive and realise that drugs make people do all sorts of crazy things....thats a fact. I think you should trust your husband's love for you and allow him the truth. This was your past remember, its not who you are now.

Answer 3

I'm no pro here, but I think the key to any marriage including my own is open communication. You should try to tell your husband of your past. It will be a huge relief for you to get this off your chest. Furthermore, if you may have contracted an STD such as herpes, which isn't noticed immediately and can be years down the road before symptoms show up.

I'm not sure there's ever a right mood or approach to telling your husband, so just be bold and say it. Perhaps you could at the dinner table or when you're out making errands. As I mentioned, I'm a married man and would appreciate my wife telling me. If your husband loves you as much as you love him, then he should be receptive.

Remember: For better or for worse.

Good luck

BSOD

Answer 4

Just because you're in a relationship, doesn't mean that you have to bare your soul, and reveal all the "secrets" from the past. How relevant these porn movies are to your present? I bet, not very - it sounds like you regret being involved in this, and are not likely to do this again. Let the sleeping dogs lie - what would be the point of telling your husband every personal detail of your past? Some things are better left unsaid.

Answer 5

You know your husband and how he would react to this. To be honest with you, sometimes, considering the very very very fragile male ego, some things are better left unsaid.
You need to confess because you fell guilty and want to have a clean slate. This is understandable and natural, but you have to truly consider what effect this will have on your marriage and your future, he may not recover from this or even use this against you in some way.
Do this test, say jokingly in a game of "what if" or "what's the worst thing you ever done" with your husband to feel the ground.
Good luck.

Answer 6

How would you feel if he has a few secrets that he never shared w/ you?

Such as:

1) he was a swinger or
2) a child molester or
3) tried beastality a couple of times or
4) use to take it up the rear in college or
5) had an affair w/ your mother before he met you or
6) made porn movies also.

Secrets are never good. Somehow they always tend to come out. Should have let him know before marriage, now..., sorry, you have a problem. Time for professional help.

Answer 7

What is hidden in the dark will always come out in the light! What i mean by that, it is NEVER!!! a wise idea to keep secrets. You should find out a proper way in telling him more about your former life, get more detailed. If he really loved you, he would be more understanding and would be willing to talk to you about it. OR you can wait until one of his buddies find it in an adult book store and tell him about it. But i think he would rather hear it from you. Your past is your past. You both should let it go together.

Answer 8

Which movies were you in? I think for us to make a clear decision on this we need to know which movies you were in and what your stage name was?

That way if you were really doing some off the wall stuff...like a donkey show or .....ok

I'm totally joking. Sorry. I think you should tell your husband, but at the same time you have to prepare yourself for the potential consequences, especially since you did not tell him before the wedding.

And be sure to let out any other skeletons you have in the closet.

Answer 9

Though the past is the past, this can rear its ugly head in your present life. In this case, it can still be revealed to him if he or someone he knows, sees you in the porn movies. While you should have told him about this when you told him about your former drug use, you should still tell him now.

It seems like you and he have a good relationship, and hopefully he'll accept this fact about you too.

Answer 10

You should have told him BEFORE you got married. What if one of his friends views a movie you were in? Not only that but porn stars are known for contracting STDS, HIV and HPV due to the fact that they don't use protection. Your husband has the RIGHT to know if he has been exposed to any diseases, HPV and HIV may not present for 20 years so you can't be sure that YOU are in fact "clean" of them and later on if he finds out he has one he can sue you for keeping such information secret and if he contracts AIDS from it he can sue you for wrongful death because AIDS kills.