Calling all teens: Should my 15 year old change schools?

Question

She has a chance to transfer to a new school for 11th grade this fall away from home (she can live at the school).

She's pretty, confident, sweet, NOT weird. Has few friends except a few at school she never sees on weekends as reads novels ALL THE TIME. Reads from time arrives home until 10:30 pm when she starts her homework. All weekend she reads. Has A's and B's. But she is LAZY. Won't do her one chore (emptying dishwasher) unless reminded several times. Out of shape. Says she likes to read & that's why she reads all the time

The old school has an AWESOME marching band of 300 kids and my girl would be in top band this fall, and they play like a town orchestra--gorgeous. New school has 18 kids in band. She joined a few clubs 2 months ago, kinda late.

I just want my kid to get a work ethic and socialize and stop reading. I'm always reading too & not involved after I get home, so the example at home is to just read all the time.

Should my kid go away to school?

The academics are the same at both schools.

My kid is not sure which is the right decision.
She is confused and doesn't know which school to attend.

She doesn't practice her flute much but she loves marching band.

I'm just afraid she will revert to old habits if she stays for 11th grade in my house with all the books and the quiet. She NEEDS to socialize and get busy in high school.

The academics are the same at both schools.

My kid is not sure which is the right decision.
She is confused and doesn't know which school to attend. This is because her band teacher told her she had gotten much better in band after her audition. She was walking on air and panicking about leaving and it would maybe be a mistake. I told her that her teacher was so nice to say that and she took it that he was insincere, so she's decided to go to the new school. When I found out, I explained that no, he wasn't insincere, he just emphasizes the positives and everything he said was true.

She doesn't practice her flute much but she loves marching band.

I'm just afraid she will revert to old habits if she stays for 11th grade in my house with all the books and the quiet. She NEEDS to socialize and get busy in high school.

Any advice from teenagers (and moms/dads of teens if you had a similar situation).

She's an extrovert more than an introvert.

And she is social, she just won't go over to people at present. She says she is too tired from all the late-night reading to call people she knows.

P.S. She is thin, has the figure of a model in case you are interested, just out of shape. Won't go to local gym either.

This school is just for 11th and 12th graders, so everyone starts off new and friendless. Also, my kid is social, she is just lazy. She has had friends in the past, they just went to a different high school from the one she is currently at.. And she probably is a little shy.

Answer 1

Personally after raising my 3 children, I would keep her at the school she has started to get involved in and keep encouraging her to do new things and set an example yourself by doing something new that involves being with other people and making friends...if she moves now she will be starting completely over, and how would you know if she just sat around and read all the time there?

Answer 2

I am currently in the same situation. I am about to start a boarding school for 11th and 12th grade. The reason i decided to go is because I feel it will improve my life. I also have few friends and stay home on weekends. I feel that i am wasting away my teen years. I am confident in the fact that when I go to this school, I will become more independent, more social, and have a better work ethic.
Your daughter should make the right decision for herself but I feel that it would bring great changes in her life.

Answer 3

Ok, I am a recently retired elem teacher not a teen, but most of the time teens don't react well to being "forced" into doing something. Check out Phlegmatic on a search.There are 4 personality types and it definitely sounds like she is one. My daughter was this way and is now happily married since 2004 and has a one year old baby girl. She said to me once "mom, did you know I could sit on the couch all day with nothing to do and I'd be happy ?" I am high energy always wanting to be doing something hate to sit still. But after she told me that I started researching and was amazed to find out that Phlegmatics are like that. I think the most important thing is if she is content,then let her be. My daughter has very little social aggression or competitiveness and is a strong introvert and very smart. Just the way she is put together, so much like her dad, we divorced long ago. HOpe this helps.

Answer 4

No, do not send her away....
She is 15 years old, growing up, and she needs to be with her parents... her family. I'm sure it's a great school, but it is your time to really show her how to grow up and be a women... She needs her parents.

She may be reading too much, but be happy it's reading and not something detrimental to her health. I was kind of the same way, of course I'm only 19 years old...

In HS, I was state and natl. champ in band, head drum major, athlete in soccer, swimming, track, and all sorts of clubs... NHS, STU CO, spanish club, LEO club, etc. I didn't have much time for socializing and friends, and it has sort of hurt me. I've had a few tramatic experiences, but part of the reason I have trouble socializing on a personal level with people is because I've been so shy. I'm great with people, work a great job at a bank, go to UT of Austin, and am doing exceptionally well... but I am afraid to talk to people and make new friends.

Get your daughter to put the book down, and talk to people... enjoy having friends. Don't ever take the books away, but it's also very important she learns social skills... having friends is so important. Keep her at home with you, she's a child and she needs to be there with her family...

Answer 5

Dear Emily S: This school sounds like a great motivation! Your sound does sound lazy and she has a life that has no drama or excitement. She needs that because childhood is leaving her. She only has 3 more years! She needs to get into the school and I understand that you want her to. To begin, ask her if she wants to change school. Don't tell her that she's lazy or anything. Tell her the benefits like it has a great Band and you will make good friends. There are many clubs if she wants to join. This school might change her attitude. All and all, I think this new school is an excellent idea and I think if she agrees, she should go. If she doesn't, try to convince her. If that doesn't work because she's a teenager, just change schools. This is a benefit for you and sooner or later, she will understand why she changed schools. Good luck!

Answer 6

If you are this concerned about it, sit her down and have a heart to heart. Grab her attention and do NOT beat around the bush on it. Make sure she hears and understands what you are trying to get through to her, not excersising and not doing the chore she is suppose to is not good. If she has enough time to stop reading to get up grab a bite and go to the rest room then she has plenty of time to do her chores. She needs to socialize a bit more. Don't ban her from reading, that isn't the way to go but just make her realize how important it is to get out of the house and read in her extra time. Family, socializing and chores around the house are to be done first.

Answer 7

You sound pretty worried about her social life, personally my mom would love if i stoped talking on msn and the phone and read more. Unless she is looking into a career of music the number of kids in the band shouldn't matter. Also going to live at a school will not help her stop reading or her laziness. But the best way to decide is to ask your kid, and see if she wants to transfer schools.

Answer 8

In reality that is a decision that you are going to have to make , my personal feelings on the situation are that if your daughter went away to school she might get out of her funk a little bit. I'm sure that they would make her make her bed everyday and things of that nature. She would be in a different area where she might find other things that she likes even better then at her school now. And you know what absolute worse case she doesn't like it and you re-enroll her in the school that she is in know. I know being the parent that you have the final say but you could always sit down and talk to your daughter and see what she thinks and how she feels about going to a different school. Anyway Best of luck on any decision that you make!

Answer 9

As a mother of a 10th grader my self, I would say no. As far as being lazy, I think most kids are at this age. My son is the same way. I have to tell hom to take out the trash all the time! My son is also in band, and even though he hates all the pratices he loves marching. Just sending her toa different school doesn't mean she is going to change. It sounds like she is coming around (joining the clubs) I would keep her at home, but just my thoughts. Good luck.

Answer 10

I would HIGHLY reccomend it!

I went to boarding school during my freshman year in high and again in for my junior/senior year. I loved it!!!!! It was so much fun! I also made some very close friends that I will keep forever and I had teachers that cared about me. It was a very small school, so the teachers had more time to spend with me. It also taught me independence. You have to keep your dorm room clean, do your laundry, and look after yourself when you're away from home. Also at my school, they had a work/study program in which you worked for half the day to help with tuition and then went to school for the other half. It encourages hard work and you have to work hard, or else you will be wearing dirty clothes and living in filth. Boarding school is amazing, I would reccomend it anyone!
P.S. What is this school called? How big is it?