hubby wanting to volunteer for tour in iraq, how do I agree?

Question

me and hubby have been married 9yrs, we have been through deployments, although hard I can deal with him being gone thats part of his job it what he has to do, he came home a few days ago and asked if he could volunteer to go work the prison for a yr in Iraq, and I lost it, Its not that I don't want him to go. I'm afraid he won't come back.He navy and they really aren't trained for this. If he had to go it would be different but volunteering is the issue. I feel if I say yes hunny go ahead then I haven't done my part to keep him home and don't want to live with that guilt. why do I feel this way. please help. I support all that he does I'm just scared of being left to raise our 3 kids alone....

sorry I forgot to add he thinks him going will help him make rank.

yes I understand that I knew he was military when we married but just though he would go when called, not jump the gun when he saw $$$. If he was going to sea on a ship I would have no problem it just the danger, I have talk to him, and he just wants his promo, he doesn't really want to go he just sees the promo and no the big picture, he one of those who jumps in head first and regrets it later. thanks

Answer 1

This is tough, because there isn't a comparable civilian situation like this, it's strictly military. You don't want your husband to die in Iraq. Hardly an attitude anybody could fault in a wife, even a military wife. But, you married a warrior. A fighting man. Your husband doesn't want to die either, but, even though he may rationalize his motivation, fighting men don't sit wars out. He probably NEEDS to do his part, and if that's how is, you get an even harder job. You'll have to be a navy wife. I'm a navy vet myself, and have known many navy wives. You military wives are the unsung heroes.
You'll manage, cuz that what navy wives do.

Answer 2

The Military is Voluntary because no one is forced to join the Military since 1973. However once you do join voluntarily, you know full well you are going to go where Uncle Sam sends you. Even people who enlisted during the draft era (like my Paternal Grandfather) knew this, yet he signed up as a minor, lying about his age, knowing full well he could be sent off into World War II and killed in combat, well he didn't get killed (he was wounded though, but continued to serve even after). And by the way, did you know that a lot of soldiers who got wounded in Iraq were offered a choice between honorary discharge or staying in the service? And while some took honorary discharge (I don't blame me for taking that route), some decided we are staying in the Army (that really takes guts after getting wounded) and some of the wounded who stayed have said "we want to go back to Iraq?" Some would say that is crazy but I say that is real courage when you ask to go back to where you were wounded.

Answer 3

Your fears are legit. If your husband is volunteering just to get a promotion, I think that's not a sound decision. He probably wants to take in more income for the family which is noble.

Talk with him again without going ballistic. Married for 9 years I should think you can tell in his eyes whether he is determined to serve in Iraq or not. In the end, If he really wants to serve his country in Iraq, Give him your blessings and be very proud.

APRIL.. this woman is asking for advice. Your rants and anti war rhetoric show no respect for this military family and insults me and every man and woman who serve our country.. Protest the war fine, but not at the expense of this family. Find the appropriate topic.

Answer 4

You live in a bungalow dont you? Jumping off the roof just wasn't high enough for him was it?

You are right to be concerned.

You want him home and kids want him home. Right?

I'm away a lot and find family life claustrophobic sometimes. But I can go skiing and climbing or boating when I want to get away. (and no, I'm not in to chasing other women)

I understand the need to get away. Is there something else that can fulfill that need?

Answer 5

I would worry also about the children. But one can not stop doing things on the chance that one can get hurt. Explain to him why you went off. That the idea of the children with no father worries you. Also remember he did choose this kind of life style. you must of known that when you married him. Wish him the best of luck and let him do what he feels he needs to do.

Answer 6

And you have good reason to fear being left with 3 children.

It's war, and a stupid one at that....

We can't export democracy, we can only be a beacon of example.... and this war will end just like 'Nam..... the US will declare that its goals are met, and get the hell out from the top of the embassy in helicopters to waiting ships in the gulf..... Die in this war? Don't think so.

Answer 7

Just tell him that, although you always want to support him in his career, your intuition is screaming 'no' to Iraq this time, you are sincerely afraid he won't come back this time and you don't want to raise those kids alone. Also, why don't you just tell him that frankly you are tired of MISSING him!

Answer 8

that just sucks..... I'd never get involved with a military man for just this reason. My dad was a Marine he and my mom divorced after he got back from Vietnam you can't build a relationship with someone who's not there.

Answer 9

Did you tell him this? Sit down to dinner just the two of you and just talk.

Answer 10

yes