how do you deal with nasty, patronizing, condescending authority figures who dismiss you and talk down to you?

Question

i mean people like doctors/gps, library workers, library clerks, post office workers, store employess, people who work in department stores.
i experience this kind of subtle, underhanded not easliy detectable behaviour alot and i get angry and worked up about it, and it also makes me very depressed because i dont no how to deal with it and handle it.
ive had bpd for 15 years, with very low moods, low self esteem, and problems with rage, and when i experience this constantly from these people it doesnt help to defeat the notion that everyones against me. i have paranoia about this anyway, so when i encounter this behaviour, it makes me believe that its true that people in authority are against me or any people for that matter

i have very low self esteem. but i also no that the days of reacting with rage outbursts are gone because if i carry on ill destroy my life..
but i get so upset because i find this behaviour very provoking, like their attacking me personally.

Answer 1

Being a borderline feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, hurt, never knowing how you are gonna feel from one minute to the next. Hurting because you hurt those who you love. Feeling misunderstood. Analyzing everything. Nothing gives you pleasure. Once in a great while you will get "too happy" and then anxious because of that. Then you amy self-medicate with alcohol. Having BPD is not easy and I hope you are seeing a therapist who can help you feel better. Your feelings are not your fault, they are a symptom of a disorder that when treated can make your world much happier

People with the most-studied of the disorders, BPD, provide many challenges to practitioners. They frequently seek out help, but they also tend to drop out of therapy. They can be quick to open up to a therapist, and perhaps even quicker at shutting down. And while individuals with BPD often crave approval, a small provocation can trigger abusive and even violent behavior toward those trying to help them.

To help clients negotiate this push and pull between two behavioral extremes, Marsha M. Linehan, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Washington, has developed DBT, which includes weekly one-on-one counselor and group training sessions on skills such as distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation and mindfulness skills.

Many people with BPD harm themselves to regulate their emotions, says Linehan, who conceptualizes this disorder as primarily one of emotional dysregulation. In an effort at self-stabilization, some use physical pain--which has been demonstrated to reduce emotional arousal, she says.

Linehan and other DBT practitioners encourage BPD patients to develop alternative ways to control their frequently overwhelming and confusing feelings. For instance, a therapist may teach mindfulness, a concept borrowed from Zen Buddhism. Practicing mindfulness allows clients to observe their emotions without reacting to them or seeking instant relief through self-harm.

At the same time, cautions Linehan, the therapist needs to appreciate the reality of the client's emotions. BPD patients require emotional acceptance--a DBT staple--because they often lacked it as children, says Linehan. In an invalidating environment, for example, a child might express anger and be told by a parent that she is jealous. "They never gain a sense that their needs, wants and desires are reasonable," says Lynch, adding that such circumstances can lead to emotional difficulties and a problematic sense of self. DBT helps these people restore their sense of self, and legitimizes their emotional experience.

Evidence seems to back DBT's efficacy. In one study published in the British Journal of Psychiatry (Vol. 182, No. 1), 58 women with BPD were either assigned to DBT or treatment as usual--generally a weekly session with a psychotherapist.

In the study, a team of clinicians from the University of Amsterdam, led by Roel Verheul, PhD, assessed the participants' self-harming and damaging impulsive behavior, such as gambling and substance abuse, using the Borderline Personality Disorder Severity Index. After seven months of therapy, DBT-treated participants more successfully reduced suicide attempts, self-mutilating and self-damaging behaviors than those who received treatment as usual. Additionally, DBT patients were nearly twice as likely to stay in therapy.

This study, says Linehan, shows that DBT can be learned and applied effectively by teams other than her own, she explains.

Changing core beliefs

While DBT emphasizes emotional regulation, CT, as applied by practitioners such as Judith Beck, PhD, the director of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research in Bala Cynwyd, Pa., also conceptualize all 10 personality disorders as dysfunctional core beliefs about the self, others and the world. The cognitive therapist helps people with these disorders learn to identify and change these core beliefs, says Beck. This is most often accomplished by weekly sessions with a trained therapist.

According to Beck, a person with BPD, for example, may believe "I'm defective, helpless, vulnerable and bad."

"Everything that they do, everything that happens, ends up maintaining these beliefs," says Beck. "If they don't give money to a homeless person, they think they are bad. If they do, they think they should have given more."

To root out such dysfunctional beliefs, CT practitioners often must help patients revisit and reinterpret early-childhood experiences, says Beck.

For example, a person may have picked up the belief, "I'm inadequate," because his parents had assigned him responsibilities he was not developmentally ready for. "Perhaps he was asked to take care of his younger siblings, and, not unreasonably, he failed," says Beck.

Beck and other CT practitioners ask clients to move beyond thinking of such events as proof of inadequacy and instead explore alternative meanings. Ideally, the patient comes to understand the underpinnings of dysfunctional core beliefs and works to change them. However, says Beck, problems can emerge if a patient interrupts that process by applying his or her dysfunctional beliefs to therapy itself.

"Axis I patients often come to therapy believing 'I can trust my therapist, this is going to work,'" says Beck. "Axis II [personality disorder] patients may think things like 'I can't trust my therapist, she might hurt me,' or 'If I listen to my therapist it will show how weak I am and how strong she is.'"

To counteract such dysfunctional thinking, therapists should be ready to help patients examine dysfunctional beliefs about the therapist or therapy, says Beck.

Preliminary trials of cognitive therapy for BPD lend support to Beck's theory. In one such study in press at the Journal of Personality Disorders, conducted by Gregory K. Brown, PhD, and his colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania, 32 people with BPD benefited from cognitive therapy sessions conducted weekly over one year.

"Their borderline symptoms came down significantly after a year of therapy," says Brown. At follow-up, 55 percent of the participants no longer met diagnostic criteria for BPD, he adds.

Beyond BPD

Promising treatments for BPD may lead to clinical advances for the other nine personality disorders, researchers hope.

In addition to identifying dysfunctional beliefs of those with BPD, Beck has found typical beliefs for the other personality disorders. For example, the person with antisocial PD believes "other people are potentially exploitative" and develops the maladaptive strategy of exploiting others first, she says.

While pilot studies have been promising, cognitive therapy has not yet been shown as an effective therapy for personality disorders other than BPD. The same goes for dialectical behavior therapy, though one study applying DBT to other personality disorders is in its fourth year.

"It's too early to report results," says Lynch, who is conducting the study, "but we are in the process of writing up a manual on how to alter DBT for personality disorders other than borderline."

Despite the divergences of their approaches, many psychologists agree that while treating personality disorders is not easy, it isn't impossible. "That personality disorders are not treatable was a myth that occurred because there was very little empirical research [on treatments]," says Lynch. "As more studies get published, we will see that start to change."

I hope you feel better soon:-)

Answer 2

I don't understand why you try to excuse your own reaction, which I am sure is valid in many cases. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a misanthrope myself. Do you live in the Northeastern section of the US by any chance? Rudeness and aggression seem to be deeply embedded in our local culture. If you visit friends in the South or Western states, you'll find a much more relaxed and less antagonistic environment.

Personally, I have a range of ways of dealing with it. I try to ignore it generally, but if it gets really bad, then I can do "snob" too. Once I told a banker to "Just go in the back and eat your little baggie lunch," and I've been rude to people in return a number of times. But you end up not feeling any better about yourself. If you just return the slight in kind, you've missed the opportunity to learn anything from that person, albeit a negative lesson about why that individual is disrespecting you.
Doctors are something else entirely. Most of them run their practices like an assembly line - $100-200 for 10 minutes. They don't ask any questions about you. They don't listen to you. If you are in great pain or suffering, they make you feel like a hypochondriac for your complaints. There are a few good ones, but I have not found a single one who could compare with my chiropractor or my son's former pediatric neurologist, who told me "We don't know exactly what we're doing. We're experimenting with these drugs fo epilepsy." Most doctors are little more than glorified technicians. Now that I've said that, I'd also like to point out that those who are tops in their fields are probably less arrogant than their lesser colleagues. Tell doctors right awya that you understand the medical problem under discussion, due to your education or extensive outside reading.
Library employees tend to either be pathetically lazy and unknowledgeable or quite well informed and willing to help you. Try to discriminate between the two different types and stick with the second.
OK. I've rambled on for too long.

Answer 3

you don't deal with it, you just turn around and leave, changing their behavior will not help you not it will help any one. at least you are a good observer, and your self esteem is nothing but, a blow in the wind that you just focus in my direction, don't worry about it, you have been accustom by the same nastiness you see in peoples because they belong to a society in decadence, and they don't which to know it, and if you continue reminding then of this?....., Let what you hear and don't like enter into one ear, and out of the other, don't let then to push you true their own fallout's. don't let then to make you guilty, while they are trying to leave nothing behind for you, to use. Ho boy, don't you think we when already to further, I'm sorry, so if you which to burn that so call self esteem, as it should be, do it, its good for nothing any way, it was what the old use for making money, and more greed. you will be find, pray and expend more time with your self, God is very near. You are a new generation. pray to HIM(God), he will listen he want you, HIM will save you, use your own fears in self defense, but lift a finger against what you can't yet understand, you don't which to loose your future.

Answer 4

i use to get upset and act aggresive towards them by giving them attitude back. But now i have learn to ignore it. They are the ones that are being ignorant. and perhaps need a self confident boost by treating you awful. It sad but true. Even authority figures feel insacure too. So, no title can give you that security. I guess it comes from within. I have you ever heard abuse of power? Thats exactly what there doing. If it doesn't feel right complain to someone higher than them.

Answer 5

Avoid those kind of people. Take it all in stride.


If it is a case of dealing with teachers like at a college. Remind them that they are paid to do a job. Make them earn their money.

If it's the people that you do business with remind them that you can do business elsewhere.

Supervisors need to be reminded that you can go to work for somebody else. I have employers who would look at employees as parasites. Just keep looking for another job.

Answer 6

I had a psychiatrist who told me to leave my f.... education in the hallway when I came to see her, she would cuss at me if I said anything she didn't like. Very arrogant. I pointed these things out to the clinical director who asked if I wanted to take it 'further' and I said no, she could keep an eye on her because what she was doing was illegal. You must treat your patients with respect. I ended up with a new dr. I love

Answer 7

well, you little dear, this is part of your paranoia kicking in...believe me, there are many people in this world who talk down to others, and think that their you know what doesn't stink..but remember this IT ALL DOES...no matter who you are we all have many things in common, that all the money or status in the world can't change...I find that if I let them get to me, then they truly feel that superiority feeling that they exude, and then, it just feeds their fuel...so best, if you can, don't EVER let on to their delusions of granduer, because that in itself, is also, a mental state of mind...making you all still in the same category..but YOU my friend are the better of the two...you at least are trying to get well, and be the best you can...they already feel they are the best and better than anyone else...go have a laff and a beer and like my wop sided family would say, 'fuggedaboutit'...

Answer 8

People who talk down to other people and degrade them are trying to make themselves feel better and feel superior to other people. This is a huge sign of insecurity, so if they do it, they see you as competition. Dont let it bother you, take it as a compliment that they recognize that you have more going for you than they do. When people do that to me, I will check them for it, but it strokes my ego because I know that me just being there doing nothing bothers them, and makes them feel insecure. lol. Thats really how I feel about people like that.

Answer 9

i don't have bpd but i do have friends who do. i know that for people as yourself it is so very hard to deal with that type of person. what i do is i look them straight in the eye to let them know that i am a person with rights and that despite what they think i'm just as good as they are, and i'm not going to be intimidated. you probably need therapy to get this far, but it is worth it.

Answer 10

First realize you aint no ghost, when you start feeling confident with yourself, you will see others will respect you. And a ghost might not be the bes thing to call yourself, i'm about positive thoughts...hope you feel better babe.