My girlfriend doesn't want me coming to her sons birthday party.?

Question

My girlfriend who I have been with for a year doesn't want me to come to her sons birthday party. She doesn't want me to come because his father will be there and their divorce isn't final yet. She said this party is about her son and not about anything else. I love this little boy like my own son. I love his mother so much that I want to propose to her as soon as she is divorced. She said it will be a slap in the face to her husband because we were together before they seperated. I know this is his daddy but I don't know how she can just tell me I am not welcomed. I have helped plan this party and now I am not welcome. I don't know if I am asking for too much. I have a daughter and I would never stop her from coming to her birthday party no matter who was there or what the circumstances are. I don't know how to handles this situation...I love her and I love her son....but I have never felt so heartbroken in my life.

Answer 1

Maybe I am the weird one, but I think it is weird anyway that she would have him there. My son's father and I split when he was 10 mo. old. I have never invited him to a birthday party. He usually hosts a party for my son with his own family. I am engaged now and would never consider not inviting my fiance to my sons birthday he is a huge part of my son's life as it sounds you are, I do not know what to tell you, accept that you need to tell her how you feel about it and if she is planning on a future with you she would understand how important it is to celebrate his birthday with him. Good Luck.

Answer 2

I understand how you feel but how do you think the husband felt knowing that you slept with his wife? You are the new boyfriend in the picture but you have to understand that they are still a family together whether you accept this fact or not. There are two men involved in this picture and only one can go to the party. Who do you think it should be? It's not the husbands fault that you guys are together so why should he have it rubbed in his face. Also what if his side of the family is there, too The entire focus of the party will be gossip about you guys' affair, the husband will be embarrassed then angered and your girlfriend will have to worry about keeping you guys away from each other the whole time and taking the focus off her son's day.

I think you're being a little selfish. You should have known what you were getting yourself into with a married woman. Nevertheless, why dont just you your girlfriend and her son and your daughter do something for his birthday on another day. this way everyone is happy especially her son because he'll get 2 special days instead of 1 and he'll have you to thank for it.

Answer 3

In this situation, I hate to tell you, but it sounds like it'd be better if you weren't there. At least not 'til the divorce is final. If you love this little boy as much as you say, why would you want to ruin his day with confusion? Then to top it all off, there'd be the tension between you, his mom and her husband, and if any words were exchanged, that'd make it all that much worse. It was wrong of her to allow you to help plan the party then tell you, basically, that you shouldn't come, but don't let that get in the way of this little boy's special day.

Make a special plan for the three of you. Just look at this as doing the best thing for the child, and take yourself out of the picture this one time.

Answer 4

~I would advise you to tell her to choose, you or the ex, but obviously that would be meaningless. Your problems go a lot deeper than the jealousy expressed in your question.

How much did you have to do with breaking up the little boy's home? You acknowledge being involved before they separated, after all. She knows she can't trust you because you have already been involved with at least one married woman and you know you can't trust her because you know she has cheated on at least one husband, to the detriment of her child. You fail to mention if your daughter lives with you or her mother, or whether or not you and the mother were ever married. Either way, it speaks volumes about your commitment and fidelity. How do you stand with your support obligation? Did you cheat on the mother to get involved with your current main squeeze?

Yeah, I know where the lady is coming from. She is on the rebound and dealing with the guilt of having gotten involved with you. She clearly still has feelings for her husband. She is trying to make the best of the mistake she made with you, but it won't last. The slap in the face to the (maybe soon-to-be) ex was when you cuckolded him and he doesn't need the humiliation and the reminder or her flaunting you at his son's party. I think it is great (especially for the child) that she and he are doing the kid's birthday together, but that says a lot about their relationship and the ongoing bond they still share which you are too blind and too selfish to see.

The party is about the child and you don't belong, given all the circumstances. You are the outsider here, not the boy's father. Given the choice, I'll wager the child would prefer that mommy and daddy be at the party rather than mommy and you. Has anyone even thought to ask him? Give him a present and let him see his parents together for his birthday.

That you refuse to try to see the problem from her point of view tells me all I need to know about you. Your selfishness, egocentrism and jealousy doom any chance you might want for a meaningful relationship. Your lack of concern for the best interests of the child just underscore the point.

Be smart and back off - back off of the entire relationship -until she has had the chance to make up her mind about what she really wants. To her, I would advise, for her own sake as well as that of the child, that she put you on hold and she have a long discussion with the (almost) ex and maybe see a counselor when they decide they want to resume the marriage.

Answer 5

i do understand where you are coming from has when i met my now husband i was put in the same position but i respected his wish because he said that his x would have made the child's day crap by being Moody so please don't take this has she does not love you and once that they are divorced I'm sure you will see a difference may be if he sees you together he will hold up the divorce like my husbands x did on many occasions so i played it his way and let the x think that they had the upper hand but we knew different it was only for the child's sake i did it we have now been happily married for 10 years so I'm sure things will work out and good luck with the proposal

Answer 6

She's trying to save everyone a LOAD of grief and hostility around a kid during his special day. Look at what you wrote:

"She doesn't want me to come because his father will be there and their divorce isn't final yet"

"because we were together before they seperated."

Think about how her soon to be ex might feel given these circumstances. If you REALLY put yourself in his place you'd see the problem.

It's going to create a LOT of tension for a poor little kid who didn't ask for this crap on his birthday. And maybe cause a scene that he'll never forget.

If you love them both, THINK of them both and do as she asks.

Now, if this were to happen after you were engaged or married, then it's a problem. Right now though, get over yourself.

Answer 7

Don't take it personal, but she will always put the well being of her son before you. . . . as she should, and so should you for your daughter.

That's the problem with second marriages with kids. A husband and wife should always put each other first in a marriage, but when children are involved from another marriage, it just doesn't work that way.

Take a look at the divorce rate for second marriages with kids, it's not pretty. If you love her and her son, put the son first, and respect what she's asking of you, that's how you show your love for them.

Answer 8

If you love your gf and her son as you say you do, respect her wishes that you don't attend. It would be odd for the boy's father not to be there and the boy would not like it. You can have plenty of great times with the boy outside of this one party. If the mother and the father feel uncomfortable, the whole party could be ruined for the boy so just stay away from this one event.

Answer 9

It's ok let it go...her son needs to enjoy this day without it feeling awkward not to mention awkward for everyone else attending the party whom are used to the two parents being together...considering she is not legally divorced yet it probably wouldn't be a smart idea to show up at the party and have everyone thinking and talking sh!t that you guys were together before they even split up. Leave it be and when the divorce is final and you guys can openly show to the father and other family members that you are together then it will be perfectly fine for you to attend the birthday parties or you could just plan birthday parties without the father being present and the father can have his own birthday parties for the boy with just his family and friends thats what me and my ex-husband do anyways even when we weren't divorced yet just seperated

Answer 10

This sounds so painful for you. The bottom line is that it sounds like the child's father would be so angry that he is likely to make a scene. That would completely ruin the child's party and upset him on his birthday. You will need to take the high road on this one. If you marry this woman and help raise her son this will not be the last time that you have to take the high road. Take a pass on the party, but plan something special with the little guy for just the two of you later. Things will be much different next year.

Answer 11

Don't take her decision personal. Remeber this about her son's birthday. Aside from that her divorce is not final. Also remember he situation is viewed differently for women and men. Also remember that other family member will be there and by you attending might bring her some problems. I suggest that you respect her desicion and be suppotive, that will show here that you really love her.

Once her divorce becomes final everything should be better and I am sure you will be included in all parties and ocations.

Maybe you can suggest to her that the following weekend you guys the three of you can celebrate in park, just the three of you having fun!!!!

Good luck!