My parents are divorcing. What shall I do?

Question

I'm an only child. My parents decided to split up. They want me to devide - with whom I want to live, where do I want to spend holidays and who will I choose... What should I do? Any ideas? I'm so sad, tired and... collapsed.

My mom will live in another country... well, it takes only 3h to get there but I want be able to visit her whenever I would like to do this. That's why it's also very hard for me...

Answer 1

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Understandably you are having a hard time making this decision. I don't think you should have to. If I was you I would tell them that this too hard on you. They are the adults and they should make the arrangements. Again I'm so sorry.

Answer 2

Dont let your parents boss you around here. They need to understand that the decision they made has HUGE reprocussions on you and for that you deserve an immediate extra dose of being able to have an opinion when matters like this are discussed.
You dont have to CHOOSE any one person over the other. What you have to choose is what city/home you will need to spend the most time at so you can continue on in school and keep working on a positive future for yourself.
Think a lot right now about what you want for YOUR FUTURE. Because you have the option of two different homes, you should pick the one that will have the most benifits. Maybe your father is going to live close to the high school you want, but your mom will be closer for your college days.
Maybe one of your parents lives closer to the part of the city you would rather spend your weekends at ? This could be the same for during the week.
Think about things like that. I know there is a lot of emotional reactions that will take place here, but keep in mind that life is going to continue around you. Make sure you put yourself in a position that will enable you to grow. If you are still a student and feel that one parent values that more than another... maybe you should stick with them?
Tell your parents that they have to promise you that they will both work extra hard to make up for the split. What I mean by that is if you end up living most the year with one, make sure the other one is willing to call you every day or every other day or take you on a one on one vacation somewhere fun EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
The worst thing about divorce is feeling like your family unit is being ripped apart. Your family unit IS being ripped apart, but there are many other things you can salvage from the relationship. I am sure both your parents love you very much and that is not going to stop!!!

Answer 3

How old are you? It's really not a decision that should be left to a child. If you are a teen, then, tell them what you want. Would you be able to go to the same school, be close to the same friends no matter where you lived? There is really enough on your shoulders right now, and as adults, they will make the final decision, so take it easier, try to relax. Being an only child of a divorced situation can still be ok. The time you spend with each of your parents will be more genuine, and one on one. As far as holiday, make it every other at one or the other. With the odd number of holidays that families usually get together it'd work out that you spend the holiday with one then the other the next year. Stay tough, keep your head up, and rely on friends during this struggle.

Answer 4

I know it's stressful right now but give it some time and things should improve. I noticed when my parents divorced that within the first 6 months they were both happier so it made the whole living situation better. I would recommend living with the parent that's closest to your friends and school Monday thru Friday. You don't want to be up rooted from what is familiar. Advise the other parent that you will visit them on the weekends. Make it perfectly clear to both parents that this does not mean you are choosing one over the other but that you are trying to make as few changes as possible. Try this for a few months and you can always make changes down the road. Good luck.

Answer 5

My mother has been through 2 divorces so I know where you are coming from!! Its actually not as bad as it may seem. I mean a family being ripped apart is always hard, but its better then listening to fighting all the time. Look on the bright side. You will have 2 bedrooms and twice the presents! You have to choose who you think you can live with. Don't try and please anyone but yourself. You cannot go back and forth so choose wisely. If your dad is strict, go with your mom and vice versa. Holidays- split down the middle. On Christmas Eve I got with my dad , Christmas I go with my mom! I also have a whole other step family to spend time with too! U'll survive!

Answer 6

I'm so sorry for the hard time that you are going through. I don't think it should be your decision alone on whom you spend time with, etc. It sounds like they are trying to put you in the middle of their divorce and this is not fair to you. Whatever you decide, just know that what happened isn't your fault, and that your parents love you very much. The court will usually decide how your living arrangements are split between your parents.

Answer 7

I went through the same thing. When my parents got divorced, they were awarded joint custody and it SUCKED! Half of my stuff here, half there; back and forth on the weekends. But I made the best of it and tried to enjoy time with both. It's going to be hard, but there isn't much you can do as a child. Just try and make the best of it. Don't start any confusion by trying to play one against the other (I tried that and it didn't work; they both figured out what I was doing). And if they try to talk bad about the other parent, just sit there and listen but ignore them; that way you won't be brainwashed and you won't be disrespectful either.

Hope it all works out for u.

Answer 8

You have already done the best thing...You asked for help. You do not have to face this life changing event alone. A good counselor or therapist can help you to stay afloat in the the sea of emotions that you now feel like you are downing in. Ask your parents to help you find a "professional listener". If they cannot help you then turn to your school counselor and if all else fails do some research on the Internet. Most counselors and therapists have special rates based on the circumstances of their clients. This episode of your life will be pain full but it does not have to be a tragedy. Pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional.

Answer 9

Tell them you want to go to Hogwarts. Don't let them put you in the middle of their dispute. You will have to make some tough decision though. If they truly are going to get divorced, at least it sounds as though they are allowing you to make some of the choices on who you spend your time with. It will be hard, but if you don't do it, the court system will. You know that you are far better qualified to decide who and how you want to divide your time with once your parents are divorced. Try to hang in there and don't let their mistakes color your idea of what love and marriage are all about. It still works for lots of people. My parents just celebrated their 50th anniversary.

Answer 10

I am sure you have already figured out, that either person you chose..the other will be hurt. There is not black and white answer here. You chose who you think would be best for you...the person who can offer you the most support here. Love them...love them both and do not let their anger hurt you. I am so sorry and I wish I could just tell you what to do. Please do not feel like any of this is your fault and do not try to fix it:(
Also...your choice now does not have to be your final one. You could chose every other holiday with a different parents...or if in the same school district...a week here...a week there...you do right now what is going to make you happy..*hugs*

Answer 11

Well, I dont think anyone, can make those decisions for you. But, If you want to spend time with whichever parent, whenever you want. Tell your parents, you dont want to have set "visitation" days. Of course you'll have to decide who you want to live with. But, atleast, if you want to go spend some time with your mother, or your father, you can. No set holidays, No set weekends. Just, you go, where you go, when you want to go. I certainly see that, as the best solution. Your parents divorcing, is a very tough thing to go through. My parents divorced when I was very young, I didnt understand. My heart goes out to you, good luck.