I've been married f/ 6 years. We have a daughter. My husband never left me for any reason until his mother past away recently. She left him money (checks for $1,400 mo.), which he's receiving for the rest of his life. I was the sole provider for the last 2 yrs. Not my choice. As soon as he received the first lump sum of $10K several mo.'s ago, he walked out on us. He claimed we fought much. He sais he needed a change. We separated f/ about 1.5 mo.'s. We got back together, but he was worse than b4 in behavior, attitude, etc. He was mean, abusive, arrogant, boastful, selfish/greedy to the extreme & deceiving. He did things that landed him in jail . When he got out, he ended up in jail again for the same things. B4 going to jail, he commited adultery w/ a prostitute at a massage parlor. He's been out for a few months. Since then he's been remorseful - begging me to let him come back. He has a job now. He says he will do whatever it takes to make it work. What do you think I should do?
2007-05-30 08:17:50 · 9 answers · asked by metalgods 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry honey, sounds like the money corrupted him. Only you can decide whether he's sincere, but just reading what you describe, I don't think so. You'll just be dealing with more of the same behavior if you take him back.
2007-05-30 08:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would either kick him to the curb or I would start acting just like he does to you, selfish and inconsiderate. See, he knew he had the money his mother left him so he no longer needed you to be the sole provider. As soon as he got the lump sum he walked out on you and your child and that is so cold. He sounds like a person that is a user and is not remorseful for anything. I guess now he has hit rock bottom and has realized that he DOES need you in his life ... if that's even the truth. It's one thing for a person to go through something, but you do not treat those you love, especially your wife and child, that way. I would let him take that measley $1,400 and go find him another woman. Besides, what good is he to you and your child if he's going in and out of jail everytime you look around?
2007-05-30 15:35:32 · answer #2 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you going to a counselor? Have you seen an attorney? Has he spent all the money ? Are you saving any of the 1400 a month for life? Do you have life insurance on him? Did he have a check up for STDs?
You need to do both, because you need to do what is best for you and your daughter.
I think the question - do you let him back in is not a the top of the list.
Question - If before you had a daughter and where married - he told you that he was planning to be "verbally" abusive, greedy, arrogant, and treat you like dirt - would you have married him??
Also - verbal and physical abuse are the same and should not be tolerated at all.
My thoughts - I wish you only the best.
2007-05-30 15:28:42 · answer #3 · answered by longhairguypa2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a lot. I mean yeah he's sorry now that he's broke. $1400 a month doesn't go very far when you factor paying bills, food and clothing. Sounds like he was bum before he got the money and just got worse after. Why would you even consider taking him back? Minus the money - I mean, he's not been a great husband even before he got it. Yes people make mistakes and yes, sometimes, people deserve a second chance but in this case, his second chance doesn't have to be gotten on your back and heartache. He messed up, life is hard, you've been doing well all this time without him - and I doubt having him in your life will improve your life, so why take him back? Relationships are meant for two people to have each other's back - lift each other up. He's not able or willing to do that so why bother? Good luck.
2007-05-30 15:32:16 · answer #4 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe anything is possible but once you set yourself on a path of lying and cheating it takes a long time before trust can be built back up. He's broken his vows, hurt you and your child through his actions. If he's serious about making mends he can start with financially contributing to her care. Don't open yourself up to the same hurts again until he's had time to prove the changes are for good otherwise he's going to do the same things again. Anyone can say they are sorry and ask for forgiveness but it's a difficult road to change behaviors overnight. Clear boundaries need to be established and time must pass before you'll even know if he's serious. You deserve to be happy so take care of yourself, your daughter depends on that.
2007-05-30 15:30:56 · answer #5 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want him? If so go get help and learn how to talk to each another. It sounds like he needed to grow up some. If you both are willing to do what it takes make it work. Learn to set boundries and have others hold to them. He sounds like he is into drugs or drinks if so get help. If you only want him for your daughters sake tell him to hit the road and go and talk to someone yourself. This to shall pass. Take care of you and your daughter.
2007-05-30 15:26:41 · answer #6 · answered by bill 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to take him back? He left you when things looked bright for him. He's a selfish person. I'd start divorce proceedings quickly. Who knows what kinds of diseases he's picked up from that prostitute.......
Divorce him, and take him for everything he has (even Mommy's money)
2007-05-30 15:29:13 · answer #7 · answered by Island*Chica 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick me once...shame on you. Kick me twice...shame on me.
There's you answer honey. Being complacent breeds contempt. Know that before you get sucked into this.
2007-05-30 15:22:23 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray about it.
2007-05-30 15:26:39 · answer #9 · answered by jnnfchar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋