my husband and i seperated after him cheating and getting someone pregnant i left him and moved 2000 miles away he moved down here so we could try to make it work for the kids but i see that i can not move past this i have a friend who is a guy we have talked about pursuing a relationship but my husband says if i do he is moving home and i dont want my kids to lose there father any advice?
2007-05-30 08:05:19 · 26 answers · asked by hcj25 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
*LET HIM GO* a cheater is always a cheater!!!! and he needs to understand that.. you can do it on your own you don't need him.. and your kids wont be without a dad he will be around believe me.. My grandmother stayed with a man just because she wanted her children to have a father always she is the most miserable person I know.. remember your kids will move on and then it will only be him and you! do you really want that?
2007-05-30 08:11:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of you and your husband working things out he is still your children's father and I think he should have a relationship with his children weather or not you are together. As far as the other guy I think you need to ask yourself If you did not have this other guy in the picture could you get past your husband cheating and what about this other child? This is allot to deal with I think I would take a little me time before I make any rash decisions. Your husband cheated and got this woman pregnant, I think he needs to be reminded that he caused this and he should be the one chasing after you and if he is ready to move home and give up so easy, who is to say things won't go back to the way they were before you left? Good Luck,
2007-05-30 15:41:55 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay honest with yourself as well as your husband- if you can't get past his cheating and you want to then get some marriage counseling that both of you can participate in. If you can't get past it and feel that it is a waste to continue trying, then take the steps to get a divorce. I believe you should not move forward in another relationship until you clear this one up or out. It will only complicate things even further for you and your kids. Do not allow your husband to hold you hostage- so to speak, about moving away because you won't be with him. I know you want him there for the kids but if you do continue with your husband just for the kids, that will only add resentment to the list of things that you guys are already going through. Kids are resilient-especially when they have support. If your husband moves back, then just be there for your kids and encourage a relationship with their father. In the end, ensure your own happiness by making a decision that is right for you. A happy mommy will make for happy kids.
2007-05-30 15:25:29 · answer #3 · answered by Tamirria Taiki S. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to not pursue anything with your friend. Your marriage needs some serious work. Put all of your effort into that relationship before you try to create another one. If you dissolve your marriage, then you will have a clear conscience about it and can move on with no guilt. Do not stay with your husband just because of the kids....they will be much better off with happily divorced parents than miserably married ones!
2007-05-30 15:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only reason ur enduring this heartache is : for the kids. If u stay in this marriage will ur kids see their mother and father in perfect harmony..........I doubt it. This could do more harm than good to the kids in the end. Listen life is too short.........do what makes u truly happy......why live in misery?
And another thing u wouldnt be interested in another man, if he didnt cheat and then get someone pregnant! in the first place, he's lucky u let him back in. U can still be cordial to one another if u break up, just focus on being good parents, thats number 1,
Does being married equal better parenting?
2007-05-30 15:13:39 · answer #5 · answered by Sha-nee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just my opinion...I have no kids, nor am I married, so I can't speak from similar experiences...but..he made his bed when he cheated on you...especially with getting someone else pregnant. I think if you have a chance to move on and be happy...you should take it. If he moves away and your kids lose their father...then it is on him, and it's his choice to leave, not yours. You aren't making him do anything, he is trying to control you by threatening you...and seems to only be using the kids to keep you from moving on...which is pretty wrong if you ask me, and not the model of a worthwhile father to have. So I say move on with your life, and let him make his own choice and let him live with what he chooses.
2007-05-30 15:13:36 · answer #6 · answered by Frank V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know alot of people would tell you to stay togther for the kids, but honestly where would that leave you. He cheated and that's a fact. If you've tried to work things out and it's just not happening, there's no point in putting yourself through having to live with this person. Who knows, this other guy who may possibly want to pursue a relationship with you might be worth it.
2007-05-30 15:13:07 · answer #7 · answered by queencolleen137 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying together 'for the kids' honestly isn't a good reason to stay together. Whether you realize it or not, your children can and will recognize that there is tention between the two of you whether they see you fighting or not. Sometimes couples get along better when they are divorced and this winds up being better for the children. If your relationship is better when you're not together due to the trust issues in your marriage, it may be better for your children if you separated.
Another negative affect it can have will be on you which will in turn effect your children. Worrying about these trust issues could cause a lot of stress for you and possibly lead to depression which could effect your interaction with your children. It may be healthier for your state of mind to separate and move on which would in turn be better for your children.
2007-05-30 15:25:24 · answer #8 · answered by Holly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot move past this(understandable) then it would be wise to move on with your life. He is the one who cheated on you and that is why you are not together. You can't be with him if you don't trust him or can't move on. It would lead to more fighting and the cheaters always continue to cheat. If he moves away from his children because you will not settle for a lesser relationship - that is his problem. It will not be good for the kids to see you unhappy or fighting with him. Don't be bullied or manipulated. And don't go backwards - go forward. You sound smart enough to do what you have to . Good luck. You deserve happiness too.
2007-05-30 18:16:21 · answer #9 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't let your husbands actions blackmail you into putting a halt on your own life.
As husband and wife he should have known how you'd feel and react to his actions.
I really don't think staying together for the sake of the kids is the best thing for you.
Remember that one day your children will become adults and if their father tells them that he left them behind because you chose to move on with your life and find someone who loved you and who was going to treat you and them right, they'd laugh in his face.
If you take him back, seriously think about what your life is actually going to be like?
H.x
2007-05-30 15:11:19 · answer #10 · answered by harriette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might be better to cut the ties and move on. The kids will always feel the tension between you and their father.And you will constantly be watching for signs that he is cheating again.The kids will be better off in a relaxed home with or without a father figure around.I've been there, done that!
2007-05-30 15:19:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋