i've been married for a little over 2 years and i might be confused but i dont think i'm attracted to my husband anymore. i never want to have sex with him. but i do sometimes because i'm afraid he will cheat on me. i love him very much. how do i make myself attracted myself to him again?
2007-05-30 08:04:59 · 13 answers · asked by wantoknow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he hasn't gained wight, he actually lost weight and lost all his muscles. i'm not sure that's the issue though.
2007-05-30 08:16:28 · update #1
Attraction can come and go in a marriage as well as in any relationship. Don't focus so much on the sex for now. Do you still have the romance in the relationship? Do you stille go on dates? Married people forget how things were before they got married. Being married doesn't mean that you should stop dating. Go out for dinner, buy each other little gifts. Leave each other notes, kiss and hug, see a movie, dres up for each other. When romance comes, attraction usually follows.
Are you afraid that he will cheat or are you afraid that he has cheated? You have to trust each other. Trust is one of the biggest issues in a marriage. If you don't have that, it could ruin everything else as well. You have to talk to him about this.
Sex IS important in a relationship, and not to scare you, but if you refuse to have sex with him ... and especially if it's because of something he has NOT done ... chances are he could start looking elsewhere. There is never any excuse for cheating, but some men do (not saying yours will).
Communicate, communicate before it's too late.
2007-05-30 08:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by NoSurrender 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you lack is the thrill and not necessarily the attraction, but that is just what I get from what you wrote. If another woman found him very attractive and wanted him, how would that make you feel? Perhaps you feel that sex is not a priority, but the idea of other guys is and that is only the thrill factor if so. People tend to take what they have right there for granted and stop looking at their spouse like they did when they wanted to win their heart. Chances are the very things you found attractive about him are still there, and you just need to look again.
2007-05-30 08:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In your additional details, you said your husband had actually lost weight and "all his muscles".
That sounds like a fairly drastic weight loss. Is there a reason behind it?
Has your husband seen a doctor about the loss of weight and muscle tone? This COULD be a symptom of something very serious.
If your husband went from being a healthy-looking guy with muscles to an underweight, untoned body, this may be part of why you have trouble being attracted to him. In the back of your mind, you may be equating the loss of weight with "being sick". . . and you don't want to go to bed with a sick person.
I would bet that the weight and muscle loss is something that's been preying on your husband's mind as well, and that he's probably been distracted, depressed, worried, and not paying enough attention to you.
If there is a health problem behind all this, you and your husband need to deal with it. NOW.
2007-05-30 08:38:23 · answer #3 · answered by Bruce A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you still love your husband, then you still have a basis for your marriage. Are you saying you no longer find him physically attractive, or sexually attractive, or what ?
There was a time when you were attracted to him, what attracted you then ? Look for those things and qualities again. Look for and appreciate his fine qualities.
Remember how you anticipated being with him in the beginning ? Focus and concentrate on what you enjoyed about him in the beginning. Find your way back to each other, love and appreciate each other, don't take each other for granted. Look at each other through eyes of love, and things can improve.
2007-05-30 08:17:19 · answer #4 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't attracted to him? By you ought to hear what *he* says about *you*! Hooo - wheee!
So have sex with him now and then - just enough to string him along, while you contemplate dumping him. Nothing says love like hiding all your real feelings and plans! Gosh you're a swell lady.
Well, ask yourself this - how many men do you expect to run through and grow weary of and withhold sex from in your lifetime? 50? 100?
Sounds like a you problem, not a him problem.
2007-05-30 08:19:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two years married and you feel like this?
Never wanted to have sex with him? What the heck has been going on in the past 2 years? Actually...why did you even bother to marry? Answer me that.
2007-05-30 08:14:10 · answer #6 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't get it . You don't want to give it to him but you don't want him to get it anywhere ells . Whats your point ? Talk about selfish .What is he there to just provide for you ? I don't think there is any words people can say to you for you to get turned on by him . Now i can say some things to turn you on and make you scream with pleasure with just a touch but that would be cheating and i don't desire another mans woman . Try fantasizing or something .
2007-05-30 08:22:03 · answer #7 · answered by dad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take him shopping for clothes that you think he looks good in. Sample colognes and find a scent that he wears well that you like. Get him some silk boxers and find a sport the two of you have fun doing together.
2007-05-30 08:12:53 · answer #8 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm in the same situation i've only been married for two years and i'm no longer attracted to my husband and i feel its a chore to have sex with him sometimes i wonder if its normal and there are lots of other women in our same situation.
2007-05-30 08:12:11 · answer #9 · answered by alina 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand how people say they are no longer attracted unless their partner has gained weight or something. I've been with my sweetie for 6 years and always want to jump his bones because I think he's so sexy. If its due to him gaining weight then you need to let him know its become an issue for you and affecting your sexual drive. Join a gym together and get fit together and see how much it drives you crazy to see his body change for the good.
2007-05-30 08:11:34 · answer #10 · answered by Emily M 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋