that you do not want a relationship w/him until he has all his stuff settled and he is off the rebound. He recently went through a divorce and I do not want to be his rebound, no matter how much I care about him and have known him for years. I want something serious and am smart enough to know that he isn't ready for that right now, but I know he is interested in me. I told him to give me a ring whenever he has kicked it, gotten everything out of his system, enjoyed the single male life, and got off the rebound. If he's happy, he's happy, and I am happy for him, but if he later down the road finds himself still thinking about me, I want him to call. Somehow this made me feel better b/c I do care about him, but was I wrong for telling the man this and letting him go just like that? Should I have handled this differently? I know that he has lots of qualities that I look for in a man, and that I would love to give it a shot, just not at this time.
2007-05-30 07:35:57 · 16 answers · asked by callie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also, MEN how would this make you feel if a woman you were trying to pursue, told you the same thing?
2007-05-30 07:36:39 · update #1
That showed a LOT of maturity, and it definitely tells me that YOU know who you are, what you want, and you're not willing to take three steps back for anyone. Good girl!
I think you did the right thing. If you "felt" it was the thing to do, it was. It's never good to get in a rebound relationship.
Too much baggage, too soon. If he's really into you, he'll understand why you had to do that, and he'll get his sh*t together, then come lookin' for ya....and you'll both be mature enough to be in a relationship. Good luck.
2007-05-30 07:41:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you shot him down.
Nicely, gently, compassionately really doesn't matter.
You shot the man down.
Men don't like to be made to feel stupid so its not likely he will EVER make a move on you again.
You are acting out of FEAR. "What if", "rebound", "not the right time" are just your FEAR talking. Instead of enjoying your time with the man you are running away or in this case pushing him away. I think the this guy may of been too good for you because if anything went wrong in the relationship you would then have to face the fact the problem might be you and not him.
Its better to LIVE LIFE than to live in fear.
Good luck
2007-05-30 14:57:00 · answer #2 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing by telling him how you felt about the situation BUT unless he's never dated before his ex-wife I could see why you would think as much BUT then if he knows your the one for him , why would he want to date again? Dating is sometimes mentally tiring especially if you've got your mind on someone else you'd rather be with. Right? Did you just get out of a relationship also and maybe you need your space? I was just guessing since you didn't mention your single status except for his. Hope it all works out.I' felt like telling my bf the same thing but I know he would think I was trying to get him away from him ,which I'm not..
2007-05-30 14:54:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter who you end up with they will be rebounding from one thing or another. If it does not feel right then fine, say that. If you really like the guy then go for it before he finds someone else. Help him get it out of his system.
2007-05-30 14:44:21 · answer #4 · answered by dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said the right thing your smart because if he is just using you as a rebound then most likely things won't work out but if you two wait until things have settled and he's not just using you as a rebound then things are more likely to work out
2007-05-30 14:40:55 · answer #5 · answered by alina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer is good, but the risk you run is that he finds someone else during the time you want him to recover. Are you willing to risk this?
Also, you've told him to give you a ring 'whenever he's kicked it?". That's a little vague. How are you or he supposed to know when that time has come?
2007-05-30 14:55:11 · answer #6 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you handled it perfectly. Quit second guessing yourself, if half the people asking questions here had 1 ounce of your common sense, this board wouldn't need to exist anymore. Give yourself a MAJOR pat on the back, go get a manicure and move on!!!
2007-05-30 14:43:15 · answer #7 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be his friend. Obviously you know the answer to your questions already. Be his friend and give it time. But DO NOT be his rebound.
2007-05-30 14:44:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, if only more people were as forthcoming and emotionally intelligent as you. We'd have less misery.
I think you said the right thing, protecting both him and yourself. Give him a few months and keep in touch as friends, you'll see his evolution for yourself.
2007-05-30 14:41:53 · answer #9 · answered by pola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said the right thing, and giving him time to get it out of his system should make him want you even more.
2007-05-30 14:41:14 · answer #10 · answered by harold 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋