help.. I have an appointment with the midwife tomorrow. I'm 13 weeks pregnant and hate the idea of ever having a baby... I know it sounds nasty but my work is my life and I go 'yuck' to new babies and hate children... he loves them and wants this child. but he is unreliable and not trustworthy, he's notl ikely to put anything into this house or any other with me.. he flirts with the world.. and only wanted to marry me after the baby question... i was in lust seemed like a good idea.. well now i know my career is the stable force in my life and I can't afford to bring this thing up alone. I'm not sure my conscience would let me have an abortion but hate the idea of hospitals and not sure I can give birth. just don't know what to do and cried every day since the start of april about this mess
2007-05-30 07:32:36 · 49 answers · asked by Rowan T 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
not married to him. wanted a child when his dreams seemed like those i would share, he's since shown how unlikely he is to do anything
2007-05-30 07:47:33 · update #1
Put it up for adoption. There are so many women (like ME) out here who can't have children and desperately want to.
Good luck! :)
2007-05-30 07:35:29 · answer #1 · answered by searching_please 6 · 9⤊ 1⤋
This "THING". It is a baby. At 13 weeks your baby is about 3 in long and weighs and ounce. The fingerprints are formed. Your babys intestines are migrating from the umbilical cord into the belly . The pancreas is even secreating insulin. All teeth are formed and are waiting. The vocal cords began to form.The face is looking more human everyday. The eyes move into there spot and so does the ears. The liver begans to secreate Bile. Your baby has organs already and abortion should not be an option this far along. Most inportant your baby has a heart and it is beating and with the doppler at the doc you can hear it. I heard my baby at 6 weeks. If you dont want the baby consider giving that precious child to someone who can take care of it and love it. What do you mean your not sure you can give birth. Wake up women have been having babies forever even squatting to have them. Nowadays we have an epidural or a c section. Its horrible that someone wants an abortion just because there scared of labor. I dont think any woman in the worl wasnt a little scared of labor. I was terrified and it went fine and I want to do it again. Do yourself a favor and give your baby up for adoption. Its a life and deserves too be treated as so.
2007-05-31 06:21:39 · answer #2 · answered by Mom to Isobelle 2, & Gavyn 8mths 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make the baby pay for a decision you made without thinking through the consequences. First you have to remember that your hormones are out of control right now and you may be a little irrational. It's only natural for you to be experiencing these feelings.
My wife is pregnant with our second child and she breaks down all the different phases to me. Plus I'm living through them with her. I empathize with all that you go through during pregnancy, and I'm glad men don't get pregnant. I say that to let you know that I recognize the pain and range of emotions and everything else you are and will be going through and I could never never understand.
What I do understand is that you have the gift of life in your womb. There is a precious child, a life developing inside you and they are at your mercy. I hear your heart and I know you're searching for the right thing to do. Sometimes right and wrong get a little fuzzy. Try doing the heart thing. Follow what's in your heart.
Yes this guy may be a jerk and maybe he's just clueless. Maybe there are a million things you need to figure out between now and birth. You may not be able to give this child the perfect life. You may be the not so perfect you kids make me sick mom. But the single most important question you need to ask yourself is will you give this child love? No matter what you may think of yourself I believe you are capable of love. When it's all said and done will you love the little life that came from you? Most often when every other answer and option may be no that answer is yes.
My wife talks about how you forget all the pain shortly after birth. Almost like it never happened. Then you see this bruised funny looking thing they call your child and you wonder did this come from me. Then a day or so later your looking into your baby's eyes and you know you can't imagine life with out them. If that moment never happens for you there is the option of adoption. Give your child a chance. Give yourself a chance. That fact that you're even seeking some type of advice means that you care, and what more can a child ask for when it all comes down to it.
If you think back, maybe your parents weren't the best. But what did you want from them the most? Not toys or a pony, a bigger room or better clothes, but to know that they loved and cared for you. Your capable of loving and caring aren't you. The rest can be worked out.
2007-05-30 10:47:51 · answer #3 · answered by cmac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I can relate. I am very into my career and waited until I was 35 to have a baby. I am also not really a "kid's" person. But having a baby does not have to change all of that. I love my son, in fact i am just crazy about him, but I still don't really like other people's kids much. I guess my point is that having a baby does not have to rob you of your identity and career. The fact is most of the mom's whose kids are their whole life probably didn't have a career they loved before they had kids. As far as the dad, why not give him a chance to step up and be a good dad. Just because he may not be the best now, doesn't mean he can't be a great dad. My husband is not a career person at all so I work and he stays home and takes care of the baby. I make the money and have my career and he can be home changing diapers. Life often throws us unexpected curves, but sometimes they are the best things that could have happened when you look back. Good luck.
2007-05-30 07:43:22 · answer #4 · answered by nsfoxcpa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abortion is not birth control, you had consensual sex and weren't protected enough so now you are expecting a baby (not a thing.)
You have the option of giving the baby up for adoption....you can even pick the parents if you go thru the right people. Look within your own family...a sister, a cousin, an aunt, a family friend...somebody that wants kids but can't have them. Both you & the father of the baby need to give up your parental rights though.
It's scary and things feel like they have flipped upside down...but God gives women this lil spark that suddenly sets in when they realize they are going to have a baby. Some realize it & love it and decide to keep the baby...other realize that they can't provide well enough for the child and decide to give the baby up for adoption. There are so many couples out that that want a child to love & care for, but they are not able to have their own.
Best of luck...
2007-05-30 08:10:03 · answer #5 · answered by halogirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you referring to your baby as 'this thig' indicates you should definately not be raising children; I do sense a bit of hesitation about just ending it all. Like you saying you dont think you could afford to do things alone...is that you're scared you'd be alone in this or that you just truly dont want to? Take away the deadbeat dad and the high speed career and leave just and that child and see where it takes you for a min. Because believe me there's always going to be help that comes from where you least expect it. And as for finishing your career being a mother will give you more strength and determination than you'd ever have. If you're totally 100% sure that you do not like or want kids (u may be surprised most ppl dont like any kids but there own) then I personally urge you to have the baby but give it up for adoption. Yeah pregnancy can blow and hospitals suck and all that you were given that child to carry for a reason and even it wasn't to keep it you're supposed to be pregnant right now in order to learn something (maybe that that loser u got knocked up by needs to be kicked to the curb) and that baby is meant for someone. Good Luck!!!!
2007-05-30 07:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might consider an open adoption. Have the baby with the midwife, then give the baby up for adoption. You can still have contact with the child and watch him or her grow up.
I don't know what to tell you about the dad though. Since you are not on the same page, he is either going to have to take full responsibility for the baby after it is born or give in to what you want. If he loves the baby, he will do what is best for the child.
Who knows, maybe after a few more weeks, your mind may change about the whole career/family thing.
2007-05-30 07:39:00 · answer #7 · answered by Catherine B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first thing it’s too late to have an abortion. I mean you can have late term abortion but that is already killing the baby. The baby's heart is developing already. What about giving the baby up for adoption. Of course that would mean you have to let your boyfriend know...just explain to him that you are not ready and you want to wait until your stable enough to do so. Of course leave out the part of you "saying yuck" to babies. Having a baby isn't for everyone, and of course some people are gonna degrade you and say, "You should of used protection" But whatever the case maybe you got pregnant that is what you have to deal with right now. And you know if he is not trustworthy or reliable I wouldn't even bother asking his opinion. I mean lets face it, he is not gonna be there for you if you choose to go forward with having the baby. So girly do what is best for yourself, cause lets face it..its yourself you have to face after all this not anyone else.
2007-05-30 07:43:37 · answer #8 · answered by Rican Princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately, it's your choice. If you can't go through with an abortion and the father wants the child that badly, tell him he can adopt it and if he doesn't want to adopt it, then you know he didn't want one that badly and you can chose to put it up for adoption to a couple who would be able to give it the care and love it needs. It's a hard decision, but at least you are firm in what you want out of life and it would not be fair to you or the child if you had it just because he says he wants it and you feel bad. If he's untrustworthy and unreliable, you'll be stuck when he decides that having a child is interferring with the things he wants to do and your stuck caring for it alone.
2007-05-30 07:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by declaude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it this way= you will have nine months to grow a baby for a mother who desperately wants a child but cant have one. Talk to an adoption agency and sometimes you can find a couple who are willing to pay for your medical expenses so they can adopt your child. Dont kill the baby.
As for the whole "yuck" thing. Some women are not maternal; some are after they have the baby. Wait it out. Hospital and giving birth are over pretty quickly.
2007-05-30 07:41:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha, I know where youre coming from. My best friend went through this a couple time. Eventually she got her tubes tied. It was extremely hard for her t do at age 29 (doctors wouldnt do it for her!!) But she KNEW she hates kids and doesnt want any.
Honestly, I suggest either an abortion or closed adoption. You can always make the choice to have the baby and Im sure you would fall in love with it. But you have to be honest with yourself. If you dont WANT a baby, why bring it into this world? And I call bull**** on the father. Yea, the idea of a baby sounds great, until he has to pay for diapers, get pooped on, etc etc.
go to www.plannedparenthood.com to find clinics in your area. They can council you and teach you more about abortion options.
only you can make the right decision for you. Its your body and dont let anyone tell you differently!!
Good luck and email me if you want to! I know where youre coming from!
2007-05-30 07:52:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋