This goes along with my earlier questions... the guilt trip I get laid on me because he is broke because he has spent all his money and borrowed from pay day loan places, bankruptcy etc. etc. and he screams and yells for me to give him money back from the child support money... I am even lucky to get any money from him at all.. now it is garnished from his wages ... he threatens suicide,,,running on the lam etc. if I don't give him money... he makes me feel so bad because he always says "if I survive" meaning if I don't give it to him then and there and he has to go on for another week without cash...
He got himself into this mess... the kids don't have enough money as it is to cover everything never alone hand it back to him... this is backwards... He relys on me feeling bad etc. in order to keep being his bank and forwarding cash...
Has anyone else had to give money back???
2007-05-30 06:46:39 · 35 answers · asked by Realistic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course it's a shame. It's sad when others are messed up. Especially when it's someone who your children love and who you used to love.
Is it possible for you to just feel sorry for the guy, help him if you can, but not dwell on it? He's clearly down on his luck & spiraling out of control. Is whining about it making life any better for you or your kids? What do you want to happen next? Do you want him to just go away & leave you all alone? How will that affect your kids? How will your attitude about him affect your kids?
It seems to really be eating at you, almost like you actually do feel a bit of guilt about the situation that he's in. In previous questions, you said that you moved away from him & that the debt, depression & downward spiral started after that move. Is there anything you can do to remedy your feelings of guilt about all of this.
Clearly, he is an adult & is responsible for his own actions/reactions, but we all make mistakes, right? And, some people deal with mistakes better than others. During your relationship to him, you must have developed some sense of how he deals with adversity, loss of affection, etc - did you know/suspect/have any idea that this is how he was going to react to your leaving him & taking the kids away?
So, he's messed up. Just accept it & move on. There's really not much you can do about his issues besides simply deal with him as your lives intersect & hope that things get better for him, for your kids' sakes.
2007-05-30 07:34:02 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every time he lays a guilt trip on you, lay one right back. Tell him about how the kids are suffering. Tell him he's being selfish and if he threatens suicide call the cops.
DO NOT GIVE THE MONEY BACK!
Your children are the ones who need it not him! He can always get a second job if he has no money!
I am raising 2 toddlers, have a full time job, going to school part time and have a second part time job. If i can do all of that, he can do a little more than what he is doing.
Men are such babies.. tell him to grow up.
2007-05-30 06:53:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't "have" to give money back, but a couple times I have given it freely. My daughter's father and I have a good relationship, we are friends for our daughter (she's 20 now) but in the past when I would receive his child support though his wages being garnished, I'd split it with him or give it all back to him. Since I made/make more than he does and also get support from my other children's father (they are not his) then sometimes when he's broke or if I just got paid I'd give him his support back. There was one time however, they mistakenly took like $175 more off of him than they were supposed to, he was really upset about it, but I really needed the money so - I didn't give it back. I actually feel guilty about it and still feel bad about it now, but I seriously needed the money then. So if you two have a good relationship,and he's struggling, for real, not because he smoked or drank his money away, and you can afford to help him, then why not? Would he help you if you needed it?
2007-05-30 07:17:56 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you an idiot? Why would you put an adult working male whom you didn't get along with over the best intrests of your children? What is wrong with you? Are you a drama queen or just plaint stupid? You do not even have to have any contact with the scam artist. They have agencies and places where you can do the "visitation switch". He does not have to come to your house. You do not have to talk to him on the telephone. You already have his wages garnished. That money is for the kids. Get a separate line for the kids and don't talk to the idiot. It actually worries me that you've been given custody of minor children and are responsible for their well being and would tolerate this and ask this question publically. NO ONE HAS TO GIVE CHILD SUPPORT BACK. Are you too irresponsible to figure that out yourself?
2007-05-30 07:00:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a coward. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY BACK!!!! He helped have the kids and its his fault for not watching his money the way a grown man should. The court set the minimum for a reason...THAT is the money YOU and YOUR KIDS are entitled to to give them the start they need in life. If the father is going to make YOU feel guilty, he isnt worth dealing with. Its not YOUR fault he spends his money and gets himself into bad situations. Tell him to get another job. Those wages will most likey be garnished too, but at least there will be a bit more money coming in for him. Dont you for one second feel sorry for his pathetic actions. Just know that its his own damn fault and its HIS problem to deal with not yours or the kids.
2007-05-30 06:56:22 · answer #5 · answered by for me to know, you to not... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT U DARE GIVE ! RED CENT BACK!
This man has a responsibility & there is a difference between this man being so broke that he cannot afford to live on what is left after his support is taken from his check. There's not one court or program that would leave him living below the poverty olevel & speaking as the HR/Payroll person for my company - if he's taking home less then normal in his check from one week to the next - the Payroll person has to adjust his check manually so as to prevent him from having say a $25 check for the week.
Your situation is such that you are lucky your getting what you do get & you spend every dime on the children - DONT U DARE GIVE UP ONE NICKLE!
If in the event that you aare however one of "those" woman & they are out there - NOT SAYING YOU ARE! But to those that know they are - cut the man a break and get up off your own lazy as#!
2007-05-30 06:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um I would not give himt eh money back. Let me explain when i hadmy daughter her father would send me 15.00 a month yes a month for support and for a long long time i swore i would never put child support on him but one day she broke out with a serious fever he told me he would western union me money to buy medicine within 30 minutes i waited all day and got nothing come to find out he went on 2 week vacation. Daughter was hospitalized for a week after that. Finally I went and put support on him and yes he whines about money issues but that's not my problem as it should not be yours. He can go out and get a better job if he has to. I'm sure hte court is not taking all of his money as we only get a percentage of what they make. So where is all hismoney going?? If he gets payday loans taht is his own fault. You should not feel guilty your baby's depend on you for support and you also depend on your ex. He depends on himself and he is not raising the children so why should he depend on you?? I would defitnatly keep the money and raise your kids. Stop feeling sorry for him. Remember there is a reason you went to court to have a child support amount established so don't feel bad becasue even if he was makign a million dollars he would still figure out how to talk you into giving themoney back.
2007-05-30 06:56:13 · answer #7 · answered by Sasha R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Child support never goes to the child, so there is no way you could ever legally receive money from him via the child support department. Child support is paid tot eh custodial parent to cover the cost of raising you, it is not money to support your children. Your mother could file for it, though if no order was ever in place prior to 18, she cannot legally get it now. An order would have had to be started prior to you turning 18. You have no rights to back money and she did not act on her rights to it when she had the chance.
2016-05-17 05:31:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to go talk to the Judge as its his fault he ordered the support not yours. You areunder no obligation to give him anything back. He should go get a second and/or third job instead of complaining just how bad life is treating him.He probably enjoyed making them so now comes the time to pay the Piper and all he can do is candy a.s whine. Go cry to the Judge and plea for mercy. I bet hed never return money to you if this was vice versa. Good luck
2007-05-30 06:58:04 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do NOT have to give back money NOR should you. If he is hurting that bad he needs to find another or a second job. Your kids are entitled to be financially cared for by BOTH parents. He needs to grow up and stop with the dramatics. Be a man and keep the dip stick covered up if he can't afford to take care of the kiddies.
2007-05-30 06:50:53 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋