Why Doesnt My Husband Love Me Any More?

Question

I Will Have Been Married For A year In June. My Husband Told Me Just Last Night That He Is Not In Love With Me Anymore. He Says That He Love But But Is Not In Love. He Wont File For Divorce But He Says I Can If I Want To. I Am So In Love With Him Even Though He Shows No Emmotion Towards me. He Says He Love His Ex Also And He Communicates More With Her Than With Me. I Do Not Want A Divorce And I Want To Try To Work On Our Marriage And Our Lives Together. What Do I Do. He Says That I Am The best Women He Has Ever Met And He Doesnt Want Me To Change That. He Doesnt Want Me To Touch Him At Night But He Holds Me Til HE Falls Asleep. It Is Driving Me Crazy. Divorce For Me Is Not An Option EVER! I Pray And Pray And It Gets Better For A While And Then Back To The Same Old Thing. I NEEEEED Help.What Do I Do. I Love Him SOOO Much.

Answer 1

See a counselor. On your own or with your husband if he's willing to go. I would not become his live-in maid, cook or whatever. If he doesn't want physical contact, let him sleep on the couch (no kisses, no hugs, no 'holding') - let him make his own meals - do his own laundry, etc. Unless your counselor advises otherwise.

If you don't have a job, I suggest you get one. I also suggest you make copies of any important marriage, property and financial documents and keep them in your own records. If he is still involved with his Ex, I highly suggest you document everything and prepare for the worst. Sadly, this could be the first step in him breaking up with you.

I realize this isn't what you want to hear, and hopefully it never comes to it. But, you need to protect yourself against the personal and financial problems of a possible breakup.

The longer you are legally attached to someone who does not share your best interests, the more liability you open yourself to if he does something stupid. Suppose he buys her a ring using your joint check or credit card? Guess who's paying if he doesn't? At least talk to a lawyer so you understand your rights and the risks involved.

You also need to realize that he may not 'love' you as much as he says he does. If you were a rebound relationship or he has been with his Ex over all this time as well, he may have been leading you on - intentionally or not.

I don't think you can pressure him back. You can only be the person you are and if he can't love you and honor his marriage vows to you - he's not really worth keeping no matter how you feel about him.

I would back of for a month or so, focus on getting your life in order and then talk to him again once your ready and feel strong enough for a confrontation. Be polite, talk to him if he's willing to discuss your relationship. But, understand that marriage is a two-way relationship. He seems too willing to put everything on you (you get the divorce, you don't get to touch him, but he can hold you) and he needs to own up to his part in your relationship.

I have to cynically ask how young and immature he is & whos paying the bills in your relationship?

If you want to keep him, make sure it's on your terms.

Answer 2

You love him more than you love yourself. You're also giving him WAY too much control here. Do you realize he's got you on strings, and he's moving you any way he wants you just like a puppet master? His mind control is boggling to me. You have become co-dependent, settling for the crumbs of his so-called love while he flat tells you he's into his ex more than you. Do you really not value yourself anymore than that? Because he doesn't, and why should he if you don't, and will put up with his garbage, cuz he has nothing to lose. Why does he get to call all the shots here? This is YOUR life too. He is playing you like a fine-tuned piano, and the sad part is, YOU are letting him. Yes you are! Do yourself a favor. Take a look in the mirror. You are a beautful, funny, talented, warm, loving, compassionate person! Yes you! If HE cannot see that, then let him get steppin on down the street! Because for EVERY minute you spend with this loser that does not care about you or what you need, you take a minute away from the guy that is WAITING for you out there somewhere and would give you all that plus more. Wake up, Honey. You said yourself, it gets better for a while, then it goes back to the same song and dance. So get another dance partner. Life's too short for this mess.

Answer 3

One of the biggest reasons why relationships get into trouble is complacency. You don't mention how long you have been together, but think about all the things you did when you were dating, how much fun you had, all the places you went, how much you prepared for special events, and how you took the time to make things fun and interesting. Now compare that with how things are now. What kinds of things do you do as a couple? Where do you go together? What do you do to keep the fire burning. One of the reasons men look elsewhere is that they get bored. Perhaps the wife has let herself go, and has gained some weight, or she doesn't take care to make herself attractive anymore, or she dresses sloppily, etc. These kinds of things make a man want to find someone who is more exciting. There may be other issues too, such as he may be having an affair, and doesn't want to tell you, and feels ashamed, so he wants you to break the relationship off.

I would also recommend that perhaps you seek professional counselling, and get to the bottom of your issues, if he will go with you. If not, go yourself, and see if you can get an understanding on the reasons. There are always reasons, if we dig deep enough, and we are willing to accept the answers.

My advice to couples is to never stop dating each other, and always find ways to keep that spark or romance burning brightly, by continue to find creative ways to add excitement and mystery into the relationship. One does not have to invest a lot of money, such as going on cruises and expensive vacations together, but you can find ways together to put the fun back into the relationship.

I cannot answer the reason why your husband may not be in love with you anymore, but you will need to discover this on your own, or with the aid of a professional counselor.

If it turns out that he is just plain bored with your relationship, than it would behoove you to find ways to make it more exciting.

Answer 4

I feel your pain. I have been where you are. If he doesn't love you, there's nothing else you can do. I didn't want a divorce either but are you going to wait until he cheats, or leaves you? God knows that you have done evertything in your power to make this marriage work. He does nto want you to be miserable. If you stay with someone who is telling you he is not in love with you, you are going to be miserable. Loving him alone is not going to change his feelings. Take a look at the situation and do what needs to be done. It will be hard for a while but you will get over it and move on and be stronger for it. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

i am sorry about this situation you are in but you can not change the way he feels. i had the same problem but i changed it. he was stepping back he was changing and i was sick of it. then i decided i wasn't gonna take it any more. my self esteem is so low now because of this. i don't no if your there yet but you will be if you continue to love and be resisted. what you got to do is act like you don't care go do things get out. i mean let him no you love him still but don't show affection. when he wants to hold you at night tell him no, tell him you don't want him too. hay if you cant hold him why should he hold you. that is crap. back off even if it hurts. that will help. it helped me. he is all over me now. he calls constant and some times i wont even answer just to drive him mad.

Answer 6

Nothing is wrong with your husband the problem is that you got married!!! The circumstances don't matter one bit. Bad sex, money problems, boredom, cheating, race, religion, not in love anymore, etc., etc.,these are just excuses, they are not the problem marriage is. Welcome to marriage hell and reality. Once you both said "I do" your loving relationship was over. Some people realize this in weeks and get divorced other people lie to themselves for years!!! Well you just realized it. Marriage destroys even soul mates. Marriage is a lie. Take an honest look at all the married couples you know are any of them still truly in love?!? NO and most of them are miserable. I know this sounds mean but I'm just being honest.

Answer 7

Love hurts; no doubt. But, why are you allowing yourself to stay in a relationship with a man that has told you that he still loves his ex? You stated, you want to work on the relationship, but the problem is he's not wanting to work on the problem. You can't stay in that relationship, because the trust factor is no longer there. You have a choice to be happy or miserable. If you want to be happy then separate and get yourself together physically and mentally, it's not going to be easy, but for your peace of mind, you have to. If you want to be miserable; then stay and endure all bs you're about to endure within the matter of days, weeks, months and possibly years. Are you afraid of being lonely? There's a difference of being alone and being lonely. Which one are you? You can be alone but happy. Or you can be lonely and sad. Seek friends and family for strength. Your pain will not get the best of you, if you don't allow it. Be strong, and take it one day at a time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 8

There is nothing you can do, he is in love with another woman. Sorry but that happens sometimes to both men and women.

The reason he told you that you are the "best woman" is to try to make you feel better, he doesn't really mean it. Fact is he thinks his ex is the "best woman" or he wouldn't be in love with her.

You really have but two choices, live in a loveless marriage or get a divorce.

Answer 9

U love him u say but sometimes u need to show love rather than just saying it.

Just saying I love u doent grow love in any of us. U should be taking care of him, make food for him, whatever he likes, eat with him, ask him questions abt his work, try to know what he is going through!

Sit with him and talk to him, tell him to open his eyes to the reality that u both are married, and u want to work it out, ask him straight (but in a very polite manner) what is lacking in you, dont feel bad, dont get ur ego in this, try and understand what he wants from u.

Maybe u r not paying attention to what ever he says, do things that he had planned and never got a chance to do,
Maybe his ex connects to him emotionally, u should do that!

Go for a vacation, someplace very exotic, more important, try to understand that maybe u are lacking in making love, maybe ur not passionate enough for him. U have to show fire for ur man and make him feel wanted. Dont get lousy in bed just coz u r married!

He maybe loving u very much but some men dont disclose or open up in front of their spouses, tell him that u want to listen and understand what is lacking, spice up ur bed experiance, u can get a lot of tips on love making on the net, go through them and do it!

But before that talk to him, if he holds u in bed and sleeps and doent want to do anything else than u make the first move!

Maybe this will help. I hope it works and pls try to work it out!

Answer 10

You probably don't look like the pic in your profile and if you did then he is probably gay. Sorry Hun, but if this is your way of sacrifice, then good luck. Even God does not want anyone to suffer and be miserable that is why there is divorce, take it and move on. You hubby probably married you cause his Ex dumped him and not they are back together and your history. So take the divorce and never look back.