Is it normal for a married woman, not to get sex from her spouse?

Question

I am a married woman for almost 2 years.... And ever since i had my child, it seems though my husband and i never really have any intimacy. He never brings up the subject and always tells me his problem is that he has a low sex drive. I really don't want to see it as we got married, we have a kid thats it for romance. But i would like if maybe some of you could share some light on this kind of problem. Maybe i am not the only one? We only have sex once a month... if even. Any suggestions on maybe how i could bring back my sex appeal?

As a added detail, for the well simple minded people. I haven't gotten fat. On the contrary i got much thinner because i had complications with my pregnancy. It just seems that we hardly look at each other anymore. And the days just go by, when we even realize we haven't had any intimacy its usually because the subject came up. also on that note... i've tried dressing up to look sexy for him and he says that is nice, but that it doesn't make a difference to him because he isn't that shalow to only need that for sex. Soo what is the deal?!

Answer 1

It is common for the sex drive to deminish after marriage and child birth. The woman doesn't feel as free with her body as she used to feel. She doesn't feel as sexy. The man sometimes feels like she isn't as sexy as she used to be because her body changed with childbirth. What you both need to do is schedule private time to be together and do things together so that you can rekindle the attraction that you felt in the first place.
As for the frequency, once a month is not abnormal for some couples if they have togetherness and intimacy in other ways besides intercourse. Do you hold hands? Do you sit together on the sofa or cuddle in bed together? Do you give each other massages or rub-downs? Do you bathe together? These and many other ways can keep you close to each other whether it leads to sex or not.
Don't give up on your union just yet. Give it a chance to mature and develop into a deep and lasting love based upon the effort you put into each other and your marriage.

Answer 2

Has he always had this "low sex drive"? It is not clear from your question. A sudden change would be a cause for concern - but if he's always been this way, then it may be a part of who he is. Not everyone has a sex drive through the roof; my husband has never been very interested in sex - neither before nor after we met. We started off by "doing it" a couple of times a month, and now have settled comfortably down to about once a month (we've been together for 2.5 years). This is what works for us. However, I wouldn't say that we don't have "intimacy" - our intimacy comes from sharing our lives with each other, not from sex. Sounds to me like there's a bigger problem in your relationship than simply the lack of sex. Low sex drive might be caused by certain medical conditions - low levels of testosterone, or depression; you might want to suggest to your husband to talk to his doctor - or talk to a doctor yourself. But if you're lacking not just sex per se, but the intimate connection in a more general sense, an MD probably won't be of much help here.

Answer 3

No it is not normal. I will tell you about me not being attracted to my husband sexually anymore. The reason though is because of the emotional and verbal abuse and after awhile it makes you to where you donot feel close,the intimacy is gone ,etc,.... I am seperated now because I kicked him out and divorcing. Is there any arguing or any fighting between you too. He says he has a low sex drive. What was it like before the baby was born ? How is he acting towards you in other ways? Is he good to you and the baby? Do you spend any time together at all or is he always gone when not working or longer hours at work? Answer this for me and then I could possibly help you more. o.k.....

Answer 4

Im going to tell you something you already know: If the relationship is having problems in the kitchen, or the living room, it has problems in the bedroom.

Childbirth can be very emotionally traumatic to men. They are not typically equipped to process through that. He can be being traumatized by that, a devastating sense of powerlessness while someone he loved was in immense pain, and your intimacy reminds him of that.

Also, he likely had to suppress himself immediately after the child was born because you had to physically recover. Its hard for a man who successfully chokes off that part of himself, to let it come back. It wants to come back right away, so to keep it suppressed for a month can feel like having to do it for years.. with those emotional years of habitual suppression, its hard to stop crushing that part of hisself.

He may feel like you are very absent. You are likely the primary caretaker of the child and that time and energy that was formerly directed to your husband is directed to your child and he feels it. Many husbands must cope with a serious sense of loss after they have their first child. He needs to come to terms with that, and maybe you can help or maybe you can not.

Many marriages end within 2 years of the birth of their first child. I think you need marital counseling, qualified, christian, and local. As a kid I saw years of shrinks, and they are powerless. They get money only as long as you use their services. As an adult I have seen a few christian counselors, certified like the shrinks, but they can actually do something. I think that some (not all) get a huge spiritual or emotional payoff if you are healed - its a different incentive that drives a paradigm of true effectiveness. If you are curious, I would call James Dobson, or focus on the family, and ask for a local qualified, Christian counselor.

Answer 5

If it is normal, I think it is an unacceptable reality. Yea, some people feel that love is temporary insanity cured my marriage, but what the hell happened to passion, desire, and lust and what VALID reason is there for married people not to feel that for each other and be totally unable to keep their hands off each other!?!??!?

Do we consciously choose this asexual and listless life? If so, why? Give me 3 hours of great sex and I would miss any Super Bowl, any time, and even if I had tickets!

You don't need to get your sex appeal back. It is just not being tended to as it should be. You should be pampered, ravished, and romanced with intense passion. Your husband has low sex drive and is doing nothing about it?

Answer 6

You know I am not married but my boyfriend and I used to have sex a lot. Now that we have moved in together we pretty much make time for sex on the weekends because we're so busy. Sometimes he's still too tired or worn out even for that. Usually when I dress up in the kinkier things it really motivates him. Its not just things I find at Victoria Secrets either. You have to be creative and try to help motivate him. Maybe sometime you should look online and learn some new tricks for spicing things up. Try to recall back to the days when he was like "ohhh I like it when you wear this and that together".

Answer 7

Its usually the wife who has no sex drive after the kids are born. Usually its directly attributable to the fact that both Mom and Dad have to work these days just to make ends meet.....energy and relaxation are hard to muster up once the kids needs and the bosses demands are taken care of. Ship
the kids off to grandmas for the weekend and schedule a picnic or some ten pin to unwind, then schedule some lovin till the kids come back.

Answer 8

Having kids can be hard on anyone's sex life. Been there done that. It actually took another man hitting on me one night when we were both out together to awaken him. I think some men have problems adjusting to having kids sometimes because the attention isn't all on them anymore and they just kind of give up. My suggestion would be to plan something that he loves to do and mix some sexiness into it. Be very creative. Let him realize that just because kids are around doesn't mean the kinkiness and passion are gone.

Answer 9

For us this is normal, except that she's the one who says she has a low sex drive. It must be some cruel joke of the universe that men are in relationships not getting intimacy very often while women are in other relationships with the same issues.

Answer 10

At the moment I am having problems with mine. But it's do to religious ideas.
It could be something he is going through. Years ago my husband went through something like that. The man lost all interest. I don't remember how long it lasted. Now the one that doesn't want sex is me. But it doesn't have to do with me having lost my sex drive. I just don't like having sex with him. He is the sort of get in and out and we are done. I myself rather not have sex at all then have sex I don't like. Try dressing sexy or seducing him. Music candles taking a shower with him. Washing him down. Even while in the shower...I could tell you. But then some idiot will report me and I'll get a violation notice. So I'll send you a site .
http://www.howtoseduceaman.com