It took me a year to get her to get a job after she graduated high school. Finally, she is employed full time at WalMart, so I went out on a limb and helped her to get a car so she can get back and forth to work.
Last nite was the 2nd time she called me from Walmart to tell me she needed gas money, or she was not going to be able to get home.
This left me getting up at 6 am this morning to drive 25 mi to give her money to get gas.
This is ridiculous!!! I just bought her a gas card for $45 bucks and she ran all that out of her car and spent her money on a body piercing.
She lived with her dad from the time she was 11 till she was 16. and somewhere in there she stopped maturing. She is so irresponsible, I cannot take this much more. She is just ridiculous. We live within 10 miles of a mall and she cannot get a job there for whatever reason. I need her to knock it off. We have no bus service since we live in rural america. She cannot ride a bicycle to work.
2007-05-30 06:05:37 · 13 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Travel ➔ United States ➔ Other - United States
I don't know maybe school of hard knocks. If you find out let me know for my wife please.
2007-05-30 06:08:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, as a father of an 18 year old, I would teach my kids the responsibility of being an adult. Now, I'm not going to take all of their money. I would start with a low amount and see how she does. Her responsibilities would be her chores, as if she were in her own apartment. I would also charge her for the insurance on the car, gas expenses, you know the things we all need. If you feel that you don't really need the money, then save the money for her for college expenses. But, by the time she's ready to move on, she'll know exactly what she can't take advantage of. Be careful tho. Curfew may fly out the window. There has to be give and take. Good luck
2016-05-17 05:15:07 · answer #2 · answered by meredith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you drove out there to give her gas money is part of the reason she is irresponsible. Stop fixing her mistakes and never feeling the consequences of her actions. Let her walk if she has to or call one of her friends and inconvenience them or let her beg and pandlehandle for the money but the last thing you should be doing is driving 25 miles to bail her out. You shouldn't even be buying her a gas card. When I was 16 my parents got me a car but I had to pay the insurance and gas on it. And I hope you are not paying her insurance either b/c that is not helping her be responsible for her own actions at all. It's fine for parents to help give their kids what they need but you need to let your kids earn what they want.
I've seen this stuff so many times. My parents gave me everything I needed but I had to work and earn what I wanted. I had friends that were so irresponsible with money b/c their parents just threw at them and when they ran out they would just get more even though their parents were pissed about it. If you keep fixing their mistakes and bailing them out how do you possibly think they will ever learn how to be financially responsible? They might think twice about wasting money on a body piercing if they can't get home after work.
2007-05-30 06:35:38 · answer #3 · answered by Sav 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give her an "emergency kit" of a $5 gas card so she can get home from work in an emergency, and some ramen noodles and granola bars so she won't go hungry, and then STOP helping her. She needs to learn to be repsonsible. Let her know that this is the last of the help and if she decides to use the $5 and the food tomorrow, and then gets stuck at work later in the week, that's her problem.
2007-05-30 06:22:02 · answer #4 · answered by raquel122203 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, your daughter is an adult. Second, you CANNOT MAKE ANYONE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING. Third, look up the word "enabler". Some people never become responsible and end up bag ladies/men after their family members are all dead. Look on any major city street or in many city parks and you will see people in their 40's, 50's, 60's and older; toothless, dirty, homeless. The reason you don't see younger people there is mainly because their parents are still bailing them out every time they need money, shelter, etc. But once they run out family and friends if they haven't gotten it together, they either GET IT TOGETHER OR you see them outside of stores and on street corners panhandling. I have a daughter who is 39 years old and living in a shelter. My husband and I bought her and her husband a mobile home with a small settlement we got. They trashed it. Her husband is gone. Her kids are grown. She is toothless and several of us in the family have gotten money together to get her dentures. But no one will give her money. My daughter has 4 kids that she never wanted except to keep the men in her life. (It didn't work.) She has had every possible surgery she can talk doctors into giving her so she doesn't have to work. Now she has run out of organs to get taken out, she is having mental problems. She has applied for disability but will get very little money because she has never worked a day in her life. Her main interests have always been talking on the phone to her friends, spending money on her hair, makeup, clothes. Conning family into giving her money. Everything we did for our daughter never helped her a bit. Cut your losses NOW. Quit bailing her out of her self-made messes. If she has no money for gas to get home, she will either sleep in her car or borrow money from a coworker or get someone to give her a ride home. She makes you think she has no options but people like her almost never suffer what they have conned you into believing they will if you don't help them. She is a sociopathic, self-centered person who believes the world revolves around her and nothing you do can change her personality flaws. You will just become poorer, more frustrated, more angry at her and yourself. Make her get her own place and don't answer the phone when your caller ID says it's her. If she does by some miracle straighten out, Hallelujah!! But don't fool yourself into thinking that living her life for her is going to make her live it the way she should be living it herself. Have you given any thought as to what your daughter would do if you and your ex-husband died today?? Think about it and good luck to you.
2007-05-30 06:33:18 · answer #5 · answered by teethgrinder 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Teach her responsibility by giving and taking away priveleges she may have. ie; Tell her if she cannot prioritize and handle her money responsibly you will handle it for her. Have her hand over her paycheck to you & you handle things (with HER money) untill she is able to do it herself. Give her the money she needs, save for her etc. Whenever she spends irrisponsibley on unneccessary items you take it out of her pay. And let her know under no uncertain terms that it will be that way or nothing at all. If she doesnt agree to hand over her check to you, then you make sure she pays you back whatever you hand out to her and dont give her any more money till she pays you back every cent. Put your foot down hard! Good luck!
2007-05-30 06:16:24 · answer #6 · answered by brilliant_1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop bailing her out all the time. I'm the same age and I make sure I always have cash and my debit card (which is linked to an account that ALWAYS has money). I have a lot I want to do with my money, but I've taught myself how to budget it because I know that If i waste all my money on things I don't need, nobody's going to go out of their way to bail me out. Let her know that unless she has a legitimate reason for not having money, she will not be spending yours.
Either that or let her father deal with what he created.
2007-05-30 06:18:26 · answer #7 · answered by miss_coco 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that your daughter is manipulating you to get what she wants. I have a stepson, he promised us that he would get a job every summer vacation. Now that he has the car he wouldn't get a job, and we are the ones who are stuck with all the bills. What you need to do is give her tough love, try not to give her money when she needs it, have her feel what reality is like. You are not going to be there forever to give her money.
2007-05-30 06:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by Dark Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make her give you money each week sh gets paid. You can tell her it is for "rent, food, whatever money" then just keep it for times like this. At least you are giving her her money back that way!
2007-05-30 06:18:08 · answer #9 · answered by Missy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some people will never learn responsibility, try hiding 10 bucks in her car so next time you wont have to drive to her rescue
2007-05-30 06:12:34 · answer #10 · answered by RUSSELLL 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well, if you keep giving her the idea she will always be ok when she is out of money then she probably doesn't care.
be strict, and when she knows she can't survive if she keeps blowing her money like that then she will be more cautious on what she spends
2007-05-30 06:10:00 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋