My fiance' just started his career, which I support 110%, but he puts EVERYTHING into it to where there is nothing left for the things that matter most in his life; it's his entire life now! I told him before that relationships take work, and while his career is flourishing, our relationship is dying because he is giving nothing to it....needless to say, his feelings and what is happening I have been expecting.
He confessed to me last night that his feelings for me have faded in the past few months, and he doesn't understand why.He doesn't feel like we are connected anymore, and he feels horrible because he knows how much I love him.He admits he has put work first before me and everything.He is just a zombie now when it comes to work, me, and everything.
He says he is just feeling lost. What is really going on, and what has happened? What do we need to do to fix this?!
****We have been together for 3 years*******
2007-05-30 05:07:54 · 12 answers · asked by ac 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Been there... I left him so that he could have the time to figure out what he really wanted, and in doing so, I discovered that I really did deserve better than someone who will not value me enough to make the effort needed to make the relationship work. I never went back. Unless he wants to work on this with you, there is nothing you can do except to cherish the time you had and find someone who will worship the ground you walk on. He's out there.
Best wishes.
2007-05-30 05:18:18 · answer #1 · answered by babeedoll_05 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The good news: you aren't bound in holy matrimony yet. The bad news: you're probably going to get really hurt either way. You have the opportunity to get out now - consider if this is really how you want to live the rest of your life, is he willing to change this or is his career his passion and first priority? Personally I would want to be married to someone who values their family above their job. You need to think about what is most important to you, too. If the two of you are determined to make this work, then I would get some counseling and put the marriage on *HOLD*. I know three years is a long time, but compared to the rest of your lives together? It's a small sacrifice to make for a truly fulfilling relationship. If this man isn't willing to give that to you, be healthy and take care of yourself and go find someone who will. I wish you all the best.
2007-05-30 05:14:59 · answer #2 · answered by Lexx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is lost! The same thing happened to me. I dated a guy who was a workaholic. Everything was fine at first. Then he got a promotion, worked more and more hours, and we just sort of fell apart. He was sooo focused on getting everything up and going and making money, that his family and friends became neglected. We saw less and less of each other, and just couldnt hold things together. I tried REAL hard. But he was focused and dead set on work.
People who become like that are hard to change. You can try to talk to them, and they dont see it as that big of a problem. Luckily your boyfriend does.
Sit down and talk to him. If your feeling de-attached, schedule some alone time with each other. Make a "date " nite. Tell him that relationships take two people, and that if he wants to make things work, he needs to put forth an effort too. Spend some time together. Tell him you understand that its a new career, and that your trying really hard, but that relationships are work too. And that if he wants you guys to suceed, he needs to be putting time and effort into you like he is doing for his career.
I know its hard. You feel like he is putting work first. I've been there. It sucks. You want to make it work, but you feel like your putting in effort, and he just doesnt care. And it seems no matter how much you give, you just dont get the same in return. To him its just work, work work.
Keep your head. Do whats right for you. Even though you put in 3 years, you need to think of whats best for you right now.
2007-05-30 05:24:00 · answer #3 · answered by Babycakes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say maybe he need to be transferred or even go to a job with just as much money but without the time management. The reason he feels this way is because you to haven't been spending time with each other and your becoming strangers. It happens all the time in the military because of deployments and such. If he really wants to make this marriage work he has to make a sacrifice which would be the money. And you will have to make a sacrifice as well. Have you tried going to his work since he can't go to you. Bring him lunch and have lunch together. It's a two player game and no one is the all-star. You have to go out of your way to make it work.
Try these things and if you still can't get it right....then try something else. Never give up on love and love will never give up on you. Good Luck.
2007-05-30 05:15:46 · answer #4 · answered by desaun08 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he want to fix it? It doesn't sound like he really does. You make it sound like working all the time is an option not a requirement for him and he is choosing to work. That is a good way of not having to deal with your real feelings but it won't last forever and eventually he will have to deal with them. It sounds like he is feeling guilty about not having the desire to stay in the relationship and doesn't want to hurt you and therefore, goes to work all the time, hoping that eventually you will decide to end the relationship, thus absolving him of all guilt.
However, he told you the truth now and it's time to accept it's over and move on with your life. Otherwise, you both will begin to resent each other and the ending will be angry and bitter. Sometimes, things just end and that is life.
Sorry.
2007-05-30 05:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to get back feelings that fade. Maybe some time away from each othr would help regain some of the lost feelings, If not then you should both move on. He should have never gave everything to work and gave you nothing. That was wrong.
2007-05-30 05:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by engineer46526 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I am not quite sure it is fixable. He has obviously made work, not you and your relationship, his number one priority. Until that changes, things will not get any better. Do something for yourself. Don't just sit and wait for any millisecond of time he may spend with you. I know it hurts, and it will be hard, but you have to. Right now, he knows you will always be there waiting for him. Don't give him that luxury any longer. It might open his eyes, and if not, you are better off without him any way.
2007-05-30 05:16:35 · answer #7 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 years is small compared to living your entire life together.if you have discovered this before marriage,it is good,maybe you were not meant to be together give him some space and see if he will come around,if not say goodbye to the relationship.there may be love out there waiting for your.
2007-05-30 05:22:04 · answer #8 · answered by june 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he should take some time off and spend it with you and see where things go. May be he could slow down just a bit and realize what he is missing.
2007-05-30 05:12:43 · answer #9 · answered by countrygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...that is a good thing that he admitted all that to you and if you belive him 100% then that means he still sumwhat cares about you...tell him to give you a night...do sumthing special...if things get worse...you will have to break up and accept that
2007-05-30 05:14:07 · answer #10 · answered by Nikita S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋