help ive been married 17years cant have a family caused by infertilty problems knew this from the start of my marriage then after 4 years being married i became friends with a guy we became pretty close but nothing more than kissing and cuddling but he was a schizophrenice he told me not to waste my life on him as i wouldnt leave my husband now 12 years on he has came back into my life claiming undying love for me and deep down i have always loved him as never a day went by i didnt think about him the problem is i love them both but i dont fancy my husband anymore but fancy my friend even more than years ago but he has a few problems 2 so i have asked him to get them sorted and we will take it from there????but i really do love my husband and would never want to intentionally hurt him please help as my life is falling apart and i know some of u reading this will think stupid women u only have yourself to blame but honest ididnt delibritly fall in love with 2 men but i think i am
2007-05-30 04:48:32 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your commitment is to your husband. You made that decision when you married him. You are probably in need of someone that will give you attention and spice up your boring life. This old boyfriend is stepping in at the right time and you are willing to take the bait. Believe it or not, I think you had best talk to your husband about how you feel. He can not rectify your problematic relationship if you don't tell him what is going on. If your schizophrenic ex-boyfriend really loved you he would have stayed out of your life and not interfered with your marriage. Consider him a love unfulfilled and remember what made you love your husband enough to marry him.
2007-05-30 05:01:35 · answer #1 · answered by ronalee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you have done is the equivalent of an affair, whether you actually had sex or not. "Kissing and cuddling" with a man other than your husband is DEAD WRONG. Your first mistake was letting yourself become the least bit emotionally involved with this other man. You made a vow to your husband 17 years ago and I'm sure there were no clauses on that allowing you to fool around on the side. Being together for 17 years is a miracle in this society, please don't throw that away. You need to cut off ALL contact and communication with the other man and focus all your energy on the marriage you committed yourself to. Drop your "friend" and work on your marriage. If you aren't happy with where your marriage is currently at, then you have a lot of work to do. I would suggest that you and your husband start by reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura, that or get to a counselor ASAP (but the book is a lot cheaper than counseling). It sounds to me like you need to be honest with your husband and get some serious accountability. God bless, I wish you the best.
2007-05-30 04:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by Lexx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a simple answer... yes you can but in totally different ways! This new guy (or is it old guy as hes from your past) sounds like a fantasy. Oh God dont we all wonder what it would have been like to rekindle with our First Love... those days when passion was WOW!! But the reality... Im sorry to say doesnt always live up to the fantasy! You sound like you have a great hubby, and until yr fantasy man came into your life you sounded really happy. Maybe you should start thinking what you can do to make your 'real' world the one that makes you smile instead of your fantasy one? I assume that your hubby does not know you are talking to your Ex every night? I dont know many that would accept it! Is this really worth risking your marriage for? Thats something you really have to think about as the more you obsess over yr Ex the more impact it will have on your marriage! If your hubby dosent know then you are already lying and in a mental way.. cheating on him? If he is declaring his undying love to you.. than maybe he is a little disillusioned with his relationship like you, so he needs to address this too? At the end of the day, you two may be soul mates and ride into the sunset to live happily ever after, but that would be a hard decision to make. Good luck x
2016-03-13 01:57:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are totaqlly screwed up and should divorce your husband. You have already admitted to cheating on your husband by kissing and cuddling with another man. Tell your husband what a tramp you are and that you love someone else that you have been in love with for years and not a day has gone by that you have not thought about this other man. Your life is falling apart because you started it when you first cheated on your husband years and years ago. The only good thing you can do is tell your husband the truth, the whole truth. How would you feel if your husband cheated on you and ran around kissing and cuddling other women. You would probably divorce him and take him to teh cleaners. Trying to make it sound flowery bu saying you LOVE both of them is bullcrap. You told your Screwed in the head boyfriend to sort out his problems and then the two of you will take it from there? This just shows that you are still planning on being a shitty wife to your husband. I think you should hook up with SCHIZO boy and pray that your husband finds a GOOD woman because you are definitely not it.
What the hell is wrong with you? Fertility problems are the least of your worries. At least you and SCHIZO wont continue to ruin the gene pool.
2007-05-30 05:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one deliberately falls in love. And yes, I believe one can love 2 men at once. But are you sure you're in love and not just needing some romance and excitement in your life? Schizophrenia is usually a lifelong disease and while I'm sympathetic to him, I also know you can't be sure if he really loves you or is confused by his disease. You could and prob. would ruin your life if you go with this other man. You say you love your husband. Try to rekindle the spark that was once there. For instance, think of how many women would like to have him. Leave him and another woman will prob. scoop him up. Then where will you be? Either alone or with a lifetime of misery. If you really can't rekindle your romance with your husband, then separate. But wait and find someone else. You will regret going with the other man you think you love now.
edit: Do NOT tell your husband about the other man unless you decide to leave your marriage. If you decide to stay, why should you hurt him?
2007-05-30 05:00:27 · answer #5 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you don't love your husband anymore, "don't fancy my husband anymore", but you're comfortable with him. Except for the not being able to bare children (don't say if it's his problem or yours), sounds like you've had a good marriage with no problems...except for your cheating. And make no bones about it, you did cheat.
Save your husband more grief and go ahead and take up with this schizophrenic. It's better for him that you leave him now (should have left him years ago) and let him start his life fresh, finding someone who'll love him and only him.
I wish all three of you luck.....you and your new man especially...you two will need it.
2007-05-30 04:56:04 · answer #6 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So you're thinking of leaving your husband of 17 years who you say you love for a schizophrenic guy who loved you so much he wasn't in your life for 12 years? That seems a little crazy. Tell the schizophrenic guy to go take his meds and then you probably won't see him for another 12 years. Stay with your husband.
2007-05-30 04:53:53 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've already hurt your husband. He may not know what you have done, but you do. You have to either break it off with the flame and stay with your husband or leave your husband for the flame. You cannot have both. Either way, one will probably end up hating you. I recommend dumping the flame and telling your husband what happened. It will lift some weight off both of your shoulders.
2007-05-30 04:52:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell this to your husband and you take it from there.
His reaction will make your decision more clear. Just one thing, do not start a relationship with the other guy unless you finalize your current marriage.
Good luck.
2007-05-30 04:57:45 · answer #9 · answered by Microbes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, it's wrong. u have been with your husband for 17yrs, and haven't told him about your fling, you have hurt him already. stay with your husband who have been by your side all this time. you can't have a family, but your husband still loves you, stop cheating on him. ? for you , do the other guy know about your promblem?
2007-05-30 05:14:04 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋