Been in a friendly but sexless marriage for many years, and recently fell in love with a married man. However, nothing happened, nothing even said, just flirting, tender looks, fingers touching, and loving smiles. Then I think his feelings were getting the better of him and he started to back off and now he has moved interstate with his wife...I can't help but feel he is trying to do the 'right thing' by his marriage...hence the distance from me. Can't help but admire him for this.....he could have had me anytime.
Anyway, my husband dropped a bombshell on me the other night by saying he would be willing to turn a blind eye if I cheated as he can't perform and it's not fair on me. He has a lot of probs, but he would rather watch porn than be intimate with me. He just isn't interested in me anymore...... I'm not after any other guy. I miss sex terribly, but I would feel guilty having casual affairs. Would like man's answer. Could you accept your wife cheating if circumstances similar?
2007-05-30 04:38:36 · 27 answers · asked by Chatterbox 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is the question...to stay or go. What you need is a healthy relationship that meets all of your needs--or at least the important ones and as far as sex is concerned the old saying applies-- Sex is 95% of the relationship when it isn't there and 5% when it is always there. To be in love...we must be sexually, ie physically attracted to our partner...and we must like them as a friend--trust them...share the same core values, but what you have fails in that. We don't live forever...so why should we be unhappy for even one minute of that time...if we don't have to be? As far as your "friend" is concerned...I think it is best to wait until he sorts out his own house before he starts thinking of playing house with you. If his feelings are that strong for you...then let him show it with his actions not his words or stroking of your fingers. He can leave her...if his love for her is not strong enough to hold him there...then he will come to you. But that is not something you should wait for....that is the oldest cliche of married people having affairs...they hardly ever leave...and there you are...alone again...and maybe years wasted--DON"T wait. You need to leave your husband. You need to move on. You deserve to have happiness.
2007-05-30 04:50:26 · answer #1 · answered by Amovitas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two need to get a divorce. That's all there is to it. If the love is not there, then it is foolish to stay married. If you really want to give it a try, then it is time to try the marriage counseling, but if you are not going to be able to get to the point where you are in love, then staying married is a waste of both of your time. Instead of having casual affairs, which could easily lead to disease or worse, you could be on the market to find someone who will LOVE you AND be your friend AND lover. If you do choose to have casual affairs, stay away from the married guys. It is not right to break up someone else's family just because your husband is not interested in you. It doesn't make any sense.
2007-05-30 11:44:33 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a man,,do not cheat on your husband, even he says it is OK. I am not going to give you the stupid "come see be baby" answers. I take it you have talked to him in a kind way about this. "He can not perform", sounds like he has limitations, would he consider using some sex toy for you ? Would that satisfy you ? Last part,, Would I accept ? no, I would try to satisfy my wife in various ways using various methods (keeping a "G" rating) The next night you are both home alone, walk/sit around the house nude or almost nude, tell him you are hot, Sometimes in a relationship like yours, people give up on trying to be sexy or attractive, make sure you are clean in all areas, hair nice, a little perfume on,,see if you see him glancing at you. I bet he will, be satisfied with touching if he can not perform. Good luck,,
2007-05-30 11:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he can't perform, what good does porn do? Why not just ask if you would be willing to do things that he can watch and participate in? But, if there was something wrong with my ability to perform and satisfy my wife I would feel bad that she is missing out on the pleasures of sex. If I were to allow it I would have to have some say in it as far as who and how often. Believe me though I would try everything I could to be able to perform.
2007-05-30 12:11:11 · answer #4 · answered by sportsfanstl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's giving you this offer becasue he knows he cant perform. He really dont want you too but dont want to rob you of pleasure. No man wants his women with another guy if you love him read up on his problems and you all can work thru them and maybe he will be able to perform me and my mate had a similar situation i wouldnt get a divorce over something like that becasue love is not all about sex try toys or see if his problem can be fixed be patient and stay by his side This could be you!
2007-05-30 11:55:51 · answer #5 · answered by sweetness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This issue is not for men only because you are trying to make all women look bad. Why on earth do you have to flirt with a married man and come here to tell us, "he could have had you", your husband could have had you too but he didn't. The man was sensible enough to run away. No man with even an ounce of blood left in him would accept his wife cheating, unless he is walking away from the relationship. So, if you want to cheat go ahead but be ready for what's next.
2007-05-30 11:49:03 · answer #6 · answered by Bantree 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not cheating, if your partner condones it. However odd it may feel. You need to do what works for you, that is honest and open...be it take lovers (with your spouses okay) or leaving the marriage to move on and have someone that can be your partner in every way.
No cheating...that's the key. What goes around, comes around. Nobody needs that kind of karma. Do nothing behind your partner's back, and do not lie.
You say your husband just isn't interested in you anymore...then why stay married? Why not give you both the opportunity to be with partners that ARE interested in you? This life is too short to waste it in unhappy or anxiety ridden circumstances, when those circumstances can be changed.
2007-05-30 11:44:55 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hon, that other man was attracted to you for a reason... you are a sexy woman!! Your porn watching husband thinks so little of you that he doesn't even care if you have extra marital affairs. It seems that both of you are locked into a convenient, comfortable marriage that takes no effort whatsoever. But it is not fulfilling for either of you. I think you should really examine your future in this marriage, and ask yourself if you can be truly happy in life. Because there is an alternative.
2007-05-30 11:47:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How dare you??? Your husband must feel terrible knowing that you are willing to go outside of your marriage. Why don't you just show him you f****** love him & make a move...It's not that hard???
Actually, on second thoughts, why don't you just divorce the poor guy? He sounds like he deserves much more than you! I can't believe you're actually considering cheating. You make me sick. I hope to God you don't have kids in the middle of all this.
Divorce your husband & put him out of his misery. Then you can go & be a whore freely.
2007-05-30 20:56:46 · answer #9 · answered by Fashionista 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were in love with another man while you were married, you need to be divorced. Having a sexual relationship is a huge part of being married. I would let him know that I need more and am uncomfortable about him watching porn. If things don't change you need to move on. Good Luck!
2007-05-30 11:52:27 · answer #10 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋