Complicated question, please read in details. :) Thank you.?

Question

My friend started to see a man and then he began using her and lying to her. When some of us told her that she needed to break away from his destructive behavior, she said that it's worth it because the sex is good. She also informed him of what we told her and now he "hates" us and won't even say hello when we see him.

I find this behavior to be appaling and don't want to be around her much anymore. I don't see how someone can be alright with being used by someone who is also rude to their friends.

How can I say this so that she understands that the problem isn't him, it's that she's cool with it. I mean, if I say I'd like to spend less time with you b/c of your bad choices, do I look like a "flaky" friend? I've tried to help her and she won't listen. I think it's time I just get away from her and stop trying.

Answer 1

*Alright first off, you sound like a great friend and you have only good intentions.*

~However I have a friend like yours as well....(I know everyone probably says that, but I really do). Anyways, you have to understand that no matter how nicely you break it to her that she is basically some guys doormat and that it bothers you that he walks all over her...your friend (like so many others) is going to get pissed about it.

.So I mean whether you break it to her nicely or you are just blunt and to the point she will get bitchy about it...you know how girls are :):)

.....In any case you know, you'd probably just be better off...not getting yourself in her problems.
.I understand that you are trying to help her and be a good friend...and you do only have good intentions for what you would like to say to her.....BUT...BUT..BUT....you must remember this:

.*YOU CANNOT HELP ANYONE, UNLESS THEY ARE WILLING TO HELP THEMSELVES.*

.So until she gets her head out of her butt and sees that guy for the lazy user he is...she won't get it, no matter how many times you tell her so.

.I know it sucks, but I am going to have to advise against you telling her....you can....but I would not recommend it at all.

....Just worry about your own business, and let her discover things on her own. Let her and her situation be for now.

.Then in due time when she does finally see the light and see him for how he really is....and she comes crying to you, then you can SMILE and say " I TOLD YOU SO!!"

....yeah I know that is harsh, but hey.....it's all in karma.

....So whatever, let her do her own things and you do yours and just stop talking to her...b/c if she is going to choose some guy over her own friends, then she honestly isn't much of a friend to you, to begin with. Right?.

....good luck. Mail me and keep me posted about what happens -k-

Answer 2

From this man point of view
You can take a horse to water but, you can't make it drink.
Don't leave you friend becuase she will need you when she sees, the light about this guy. She may just like the sex but, that is not the oly thing that will keep the relationship together.
So, you will not be a flakey friend just make sure you are there for her when see see the true colors of this guy. Because all men are not like this.

Answer 3

You're not a flaky friend,you're trying to be a good one to her.I would get away from her.Some people just won't listen when someone is trying to help them.
Don't let him not talking to you bother you.He's not your friend anyway.
You have to look at the fact that she's also using him for sex.She'll eventually learn when she losses all her friends that there's more to life than that.
Tell her exactly what you've said about her bad choices and let it go.
Let them "use" each other.It won't last long and she'll have lost a lot of her life.

Answer 4

some people just will not listen no matter what you tell them, and they have to learn their lessons the hard way. You can tell her that you don't agree with her choices, and that you don't want to surround yourself with the negativity anymore. Tell her that you'll still be her friend, because eventually she'll need one, when she finally gets fed up with this guy's crap, but tell her you're not comfortable around her anymore and you need to take some time off. If she gets mad so be it, you haven't lost much of a friend. If she's truly your friend she'll understand, and she'll remember your words when this guy finally dumps her to go on to his next conquest. Then busy yourself with making more friends who make better choices and have more in common with you. It's okay, sometimes friends drift apart and change.

Answer 5

some things we have to learn on our own no matter how right our friends are. Tell her what you think and then don't bring it up again unless she asks your opinion. She'll realize your right but it may take awhile. But a good friend won't say I told ya so..just be there for her when the break-up happens.

Answer 6

cool sis... i got your problem too !
but my friend probably stays with that guy cause of material...

for ya... i can only say live with it...
my friend's boyfriend also hated my gang due to what i've blog which is the truth and for him.. he is just selfish and a complete baboon.. he also hated us and DON't allow my friend to be out with us not even prefered on the phone.. he wants her to actually disconnect our friendship... and its an 8 years friendship !

my disappointment as you can feel is that she actually listens to him.. like a puppet !!
she actually can seems to forgo our friendship for her few months with that guy.. although she says that she didnt give up us.. no matter how utterly upset i am.. she has her thinking that i cannot get into her mind..

whatever you feel... i feel it too.. i would suggest that if you still cherish the friendship.. then stay the same.. it's just without her.. you still got other friends.. when she need you.. be there for her.. thats what friends are for.. this is true friend.. she must see things herself that whose good to her and whose not.. i've learn to take things aside and let her be... if in the end she choose him over you guys for sex... then you will be losing a friend who actually takes you for granted... then she cannot be considered your best friend... cause best/true friends don't leave you..

Answer 7

No, don't stop trying, soon she will see the light and will need her friends. She likes the sex for now, but if he is like most men he will dump her and she will need you again.

Answer 8

yes i think you should take a break from her . In time she will come to realize just what a jerk he really is and yeah he sounds like a potential domestic abuser and yeah i would definately stay away from them untill she comes to her senses . there is nothing you can do untill she comes back around and in time she will . all you can do is wait . good luck .