My wife of 8 years left me last week Ive been begging her back every day .Is this a bad idea?

Question

My wife said she left me because if I loved her I would have gotten her a bigger house,we have 4 children together and i love them deeply.Work for me is slow right now but i thought if you loved someone you stick it out(for better or worse).I am 28 years old and have sacrificed everything for her.The more I beg her back the madder she gets the more i tell her i love her the more she pushes me away.I am a good husband and a good father we all have are problems but should she leave over them.I here women every where saying how hard it is to find a good man .but she had one and just up and left.Is it that she has someone else?I have cryied my eyes out this past week and she has seen me crying and feels nothing.My heart is broken in half I find it hard to function at all .All I do all day is think about her and the kids. Can any one give me advice? why the more I try to get her back the more she pushes me away?And could it be someone else?

Answer 1

I am in a very similar situation. My wife wanted a divorce. I never cheated. I don't drink or do drugs. I too begged her over and over but it was not until I told her that I agreed with the separation but that I did not want a divorce. I stated that I would work on all the issues she addressed and then after a period of six months or so see if we could try a new. Seek counseling if you can together and on your own. Suggest the counseling to her. Good Luck Friend...

Answer 2

She has more issue's with you then buying a small house. She's angry right now and that anger is stopping her from feeling anything for you. The best thing you can do is to stop what your doing and collect yourself. You both need time to think about what you truly feel and want. Tell her that you will give her some time to think and calm down but that you love her and that you are not giving up on the two of you. Step back for a little bit and then arrange for you two to talk away from everyone.
While your taking time away you need to look at yourself and see what you can do to improve things. You both have had to scarifice for each other so put all the I did this and this and look at the reality of the situation. Money is often a major stress point and with four children I can't imagine. Your wife is stressed out because you have four children that you must feed and money is not coming in on a steady basis. Everyone wants a better life for themselves and their children why would your wife be any different. Most likely she has tried to talk to you about being unhappy about many different things for a long time and you just haven't heard her. Can you try to find a better job? Maybe learn a new skill? Did you spend time with your wife and help her around the house or with the children? Women are emotional and she may feel neglected. Reflect, write things down and make a plan for a better life not only for you but for your family. Even if things don't work out, looking at yourself to make you a better person will build up your self esteem which will help see you though all of this. Show her how much you love her and how much she trully means to you,sometimes when we are with someone for so long we stop trying. If at the end of the day she still wants to move on then you know that you've done everything you could to save your marriage and that should help you to heal at least a little. You can listen to the people who advise playing games and the people telling you to be a man but in the end do you really think that it might get your wife back or better yet help you heal and move on if it comes to that. I don't know your wife so anything is possible but you do. Read everyone's advice but in the end listen to your heart and you'll be ok. Trust me if your wife still loves you with some effort, communication, and understanding you can make it work.

Answer 3

The more you push the more she'll pull away. Wow, I'm really sorry you are so heart broken, but I also know from experience that there is two sides to every story (three if you count the truth). But no matter why she left, you can't make her come back. Begging only makes you look even smaller and weaker and that is not attractive. The saying goes "never let em see you sweat". Buck up, try to go on with your life. What you can do is, without begging or crying, go to her as a man and tell her "look, this is the absolute last time I'm going to try and work this out". State your position, that you love her, don't want to break up your family, times are hard by sticking together makes it easier. Tell her all of that in a "man who takes care of his family" kind of way. Not wimpy, not whiny and not needy. If she still refuses to reconcile, then you MUST move on. You can get visitation rights to see your children but you can not make her come back to you. I'm sorry and I wish you luck.

Answer 4

Honestly I would not contact her any more. This will cause her to want to call you. Let her see you quiet and detached and when she comes back around tell her I'm doing the best I can....so do what you want to do. You leave it at that and when she sees you are giving up ....she will work on things with you. It takes two to make a marriage and she knew what you could afford before she married you and decided to have 4 children and herself for you to take care of. Maybe she could find a job opposite of yours and help you bring more money into the home so she could help to get a bigger house someday? If there's a will there 's a way.She cannot expect more from you than you have got to give and that is just the way it is! You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip! I am sorry but she is half responsible for this life to and cannot put it all on you. Your 28 years old with a world of responsibiliy and that isn't easy for a young man trying to support 5 other people and himself! Marriage is commitment and you just don't pick up and run away ..you face the good with the bad. She is being selfish and immature acting out this way. I would let her stew for awhile....trust me whoever she is staying with will get tired of 5 extra people in the house! She'll be back and be happy for what she does have and if she wants more out of life she will need to help find a way and work to sweetie. Good luck.

Answer 5

I am very sorry for your situation. I don't think that the house is the actual reason for her leaving. There has got to be something else that she is not telling you. But I would defintely stop begging her to come back. You are only pushing her away if you continue to do that. I know that it is hard to be in this situation but unfortunately I think that the best thing for you to do right now is to leave her alone, think about your kids and be strong. If you leave her alone she will realize that you can do this on your own and that you are a strong person. She thinks that she is in control of this whole situation now and that she can have everything her way but you don't want that do you? After all she is the one that gave up and left. By leaving her alone you will take control of this situation and most likely eventually she is going to start contacting you and wanting to find out what is going on. Go out and spend time with your kids, stay occupied and use this situation towards your advantage. Make her wonder why you are all of a sudden leaving her alone...it will drive her crazy.....trust me.....

Answer 6

If she just ups and leaves like that, its possible she has someone else. Does she contribute financially? It takes two now a days, so she can't put all of that on your head. You should get a lawyer and make sure you get to see your children on a regular basis. As far as her, just get your life together ,meaning your finances, and see how fast she comes back. If that is the case she's not down for you. She wants to be around when things are good so you dint need her anyway. Pull yourself together, take care of your kids and if you are a good man someone down the line will appreciate you. Dont be a sucker for anyone. Even if it is your wife of eight years.

Answer 7

I think you should stop begging her back. Instead, the next time you see her, discuss the kids ONLY - work out visitation, etc. If she refuses or tries to keep you from seeing the kids, let her know you will go to court for visitation because you love your children.

I suggest this to give you some space to sort out what is going on in your heart. It will also send a message to your wife that you are giving her space, but still expect to be involved in your kids' lives.

I don't know what to tell you about your concern of there being someone else. Ask her, she what she says.

This is just my opinion, but for her to leave you because you couldn't afford a big house...damn, that is selfish of her. Ask yourself if she's really the type of person you want to be with. If you take her back, please make sure it's on your terms and not just hers.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Bigger house my shiny metal @ss!!!
She left because she thinks that she has found something better than what she had. Stop crying and weeping all over the place, damn!
Stiffen your shoulders, wipe your nose and decide what is better for you.
Since she left you, I would get an attorney as quick as possible to secure my assets so that she can only get what the children are entitled to.
Have you discussed taking the children yourself? Then the heifer won't get zip.
She pushes you away because she knows that she can manipulate you into anything that she wants.
For the next three days, don't communicate with her. Don't give her any money, and don't be available for her.
She will soon either come home or keep moving. Take your cue from that.
If you want her back and she comes back. Set some rules and enforce them.
Put on your MAN suit and be one!!!

Answer 9

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
The begging, pleading crying is only going to harden her heart more. Stop concentrating on HER, and look at YOU. She did not just leave you on a whim. She has been planning it for some time, and you are the only one shocked & surprised by it. Why did she leave?

The "bigger house" is a red herring. Hire a PI and find out who the other guy is, and get a good lawyer. No, this does not mean you have to get a divorce. You just need facts, and some more level-headed people than yourself can help you get them.

Not knowing your belief system, I can only suggest prayer. To me, it is the biggest help and relief in times of trouble and suffering. Even if you don't believe, the Lord believes in YOU, and also your children, your marriage and your family.

Answer 10

Some women just wouldn't recognize a good man if he came up and bit her on the ***. From what you describe, your wife sounds selfish and materialistic. You can't change another person, so don't further debase yourself by begging. If it's really over then it's over and that's something that no amount of begging, pleading, and crying will change, so wasting energy on this will do you no good and cause much more emotional harm, when you've probably had enough of that already. Get yourself a lawyer to see where you stand from a legal perspective.