Please help??? Wife wants a divorce.?

Question

Believe it or not the biggest reason my wife is giving me for wanting a divorce after 7 yrs of marriage and just having our daughter a year and 1/2 ago is because I went to a strip club for my bachelor party 7 yrs ago. We have been together for 11 yrs and she just found out 21/2 yrs ago that I went to a strip club for my bachelor party 7 yrs ago. Thanks to my friends big mouth she found out that we had gone even though she told me how serious it meant to her. She told me that if she found before the wedding she would have called it off. Now I almost wish she would have instead of putting our 11/2 year old daughter through this divorce. This all started 3 months ago when she sat me down and gave me the infamous line "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore". I responded by saying wow ok this is definitely a surprise because I dont feel the same way, but I almost wish you would have cheated on me so I could have a good enough reason to let you go too.

Well, be careful what you ask for because she then said well actually when you told me 2 1/2 yrs ago that you had betrayed me by going to the strip club for your bachelor party before our wedding I had gone out that weekend and made out with 2 guys at a party. While she was away training for her job she said she had
gone to a party and made out with these guys and almost slept with one of them because she thinks they gave her some estacy. I know what you are all thinking and I said the same thing myself "Did u sleep with him? No, but he wanted too." Well at this point it doesnt better. She might as well have because she is done.
All because I got drunk 7yrs ago and went to a strip club with my friends. Ce la Vee. I've tried begging for forgiveness over and over. Saying that I'm only human and I make mistakes. You of all people should know what judgements does sometimes. Anyway, I'm done pleading. Our marriage of 7 yrs is done. Thanks for reading...

Thanks for the quick replys.

We have been going to a counselor at first as a couple and now separate. The couselor has told her that I am the best man she will ever have love her and that these are her issues and at some point she will have to deal with them. She was molested as a child and had an emotionally abusive step dad. I guess she doesnt realize the damage that has done. We have already talked about split custody I just wish she would have figured this out before she tied us together with our daughter for the rest of ourlives. Although, I wouldnt give up my daughter for anything. thanks again. Have a great day.

Answer 1

There are some stages you have to go through when a relationship is coming to a quick end. At first, you go through DENIAL and think she's just upset, but you must realize before going to the next phase that she probably just isn't interested, anymore! I know that's tough, cuz I'm a hottie and it crushed my self-esteem. After you realize you're not the best person in the world, which was hard for me, you can move on to the DEPRESSION stage cuz, Heck, you just realized you weren't #1 to them. You sort through the memories and remember times when you were just blind by not seeing all the signs that they were probably not interested anymore. Please get through that stage quickly cuz you don't want to be looking all sad, feeling bad and not looking hot for when you finally get through these stages. The the Bargaining stage hits and you want to rekindle the old flame, make them feel special and try to find what has been lost. They may give a little attention your way but you figure out it's not what they really want. Then comes the ANGER stage, you are all pissed for a long time cuz you feel so betrayed, used and wasted. Remember don't waste your years getting out of these stages cuz it sucks. The last and glorious final stage is ACCEPTANCE. Yes, you made it! Now, is the fun part. You could care less what they did, said, whatever! You start noticing the opposite sex and boy do they notice you! You feel like something clicked in your head and you wonder why you ever wasted your time with someone who didn't want to be with you when there's so many waiting for you.
Go get your hair styled, buy some new hot clothes and smell good, you've just gotten through the 5 stages of death!

Answer 2

WOW, she has no respect for your marriage and no self-respect. I'm not trying to say that you did right by going to the strip clubs but I wish that was the reason I want a divorce from my husband...she really doesn't know what she has. I feel sorry for you and your daughter. She'll learn eventually that you made a mistake but hopefully you'll moved on with your life because anybody that vindictive to make out with some guys because you went to a strip club is a looser and isn't worth your energy or time of day.....

Answer 3

Wow, that reason sounds FAKE! She doesn't love you anymore because of something that happened seven years ago that wasn't even cheating? It sounds like something else is going on. Besides, if that was the main reason, wouldn't she have wanted to leave 2 1/2 years ago when she found out, instead of getting pregnant? Seems fishy to me. Are you sure she ISN'T cheating??

See if she is willing to try counseling to make things work.If you can't make a go of it, give her the divorce. if she really doesn't love you, then it isn't worth wasting any more of your love and affection on someone who won't reciprocate. Your daughter is only 1 1/2; fortunately, she won't remember any of the divorce, separation, or Mom and Dad living together.

Please talk to your wife, and try to get to the bottom of the real issues. I don't believe the strip club is it. Through communication and counseling, you'll discover whether or not there is anything to salvage from this relationship.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with going to a strip club — just so long as you tell you wife you are going and that it was just w the "guys" — not telling is the same as lying. If u have nothing to hide be honest. Women like honest (except for we look fat)

Why did she fall in love with u? Think back – are u still romantic, do you tell her she is sexy and turns u on? Men are so dumb sometimes — watch a chick flick - what do we want? EXCITE US? make us feel young and sexy and a turn on — she won't go anywhere. I'm not suggesting u scare her – but get a movie like Wild Orchid — watch it when kids are gone to grandma's – better yet start watching it with her and leave the room when she is getting into it (so she doesn't think the movie turned you on) then (without belching or farting or doing things you know makes her nuts ) be romantic!

Answer 5

Fine you went to a strip club for your Bachelor party, but the important thing is what you did there, All bachelor parties have strippers. But did you sleep with any of them? If not I think that she should forgive and forget. But she may be using this an excuse because she wants a divorce. If she finds something to blame the divorce on you it will make her feel better. I am thinking that she may have found someone else.

Answer 6

Sounds to me that she's looking for a reason to leave. If she is really sure she wants a divorce, there isn't much you can do. See if she won't go to a marriage counselor with you. Maybe you can work things out. I am assuming that nothing happened at the strip club. The child is the one who suffers the most in the long run.

Answer 7

Dear Diwan, Let me capsulate this : 1) You got married in 2004 2) You separated in the same year 3) You have been living separately in 2004 4) It is 2010 now - 6 years have passed since you both have parted ways My questions to you are: 1) Did your parents never ever care to know how you both are doing – This is a bit too difficult to accept !!! 2) You never insisted on a patch up in the last 6 years – Why? 3) You are keen for a patch up – before your parents turn up – What is so special about having a patch up, before the parents turn up? 4) Are you patching up because you have a personal agenda – that is to be addressed – by or with your parents? I invite you to bring yourself, to introspect and experience the following and speak out from your heart? 1) How and why did you both part ways in the first place? 2) How faithful have you both been to each other in the last 6 years? 3) How faithful would you both be towards your respective parents, when you lead them to believe that everything is fine between the two of you and that nothing happened in the last 6 years? 4) If your wife is insisting for a divorce? Do you think she has a valid reason to do so? 5) Presuming that your wife agrees to patch up – do you want this patch up to merely be a cosmetic one or are you really prepared to accept each other? 6) Are you really committed to accept your wife, without casting doubts on her activities in the last six years? 7) Had this incident happened to a girl - someone very close to you –knowing every detail of what happened bewteen the two of you - whom would you have supported then - the Girl or her Husband Diwan, there is never a problem without a solution. May be, with these guidelines, you could resolve this problem on your own, just in case, you still feel trapped, and need support, feel free to write back to me Ravi

Answer 8

You can always contest the divorce and explain your situation to the Judge and ask him to refer the case to a marriage counselor in hopes of saving this marriage. No guarantee that your marriage will be saved but your right the reason she gives is pretty lame to give up on a marriage like yours unless theres more to the story on her part than we are all seeing. Realistically,I sense shes hiding something and is only using this excuse to end the marriage before you find out. If Im wrong then I apologize deeply but after working with thousands of couples to either end or save their marriages something doesnt add up here and besides theres a pretty good chance the Judge wont grant it based on the reason shes using. Your daughter and the marriage itself are reasons enough to contest her on this and give the marriage a second chance. Good luck

Answer 9

Have you ever heard of projection? It's when someone is doing something wrong, so they place the blame on you. What you did 7 years ago has nothing at all to do with what's going on now. She's up to something and placing the blame on you. Tell her if it's that awful, then she can get her things and leave and you and your baby wish her well and will look forward to those child support checks each month.

Answer 10

I don't think the strip club is the real reason your getting divorce. I think she is using it as an exuse for something else and isn't getting down to the real reason. Of course these questions are always hard to answer considering there is 2 sides to each story.