should i be married to him??????????????

Question

Going on 4 years in september.
He is 24, i am 23
we have a 2 year old and 41/2 month old
we spent 1 year separated when he had to serve in korea
he is a non talker,
i need someone to talk to
we are complete opposites
we got married after only knowing each other for 4 months
i am unhappy and depressed.
we hardly talk
we fight a lot
we never get out alone together.

we were in love and he got orders to korea for a year.
in the military, marriage happens quickly
we grew apart during separation
he is a good guy, but quiet and we dont really talk,
i dont have friends or family here and we are not military anylonger,
we are content to exist, but we both dont feel the connection anymore, we just bicker. im lonely and dont know what i should do to fix it if it can be fixed. he isnt the type to divorce and he has a great family, i cant imagine what they would think of me

Answer 1

You 'never get out alone together' ?? Why not "make a date" some weekend, get a babysitter for the kids...and go someplace beautiful. It sounds like you have to "get to know each other" again. Do something together -- skate, bicycle, ski, etc.
It seems that you don't really trust each other, or have intimacy issues -- I mean emotionally. Some men express their love non-verbally -- in terms of doing things around the house, repairs etc. Some men express it in other ways -- it's not always physical / affectionate. You will have to do some thinking about what makes him tick.
I come from a military family, and I understand how difficult it can be, with two young children, and an uncommunicative spouse. Perhaps there are also some resources within your community, that you can turn to for support.
It is worth it to fight for the marriage. Try to re-connect with what you love about each other. The children do deserve to have a secure home.

Answer 2

When you first meet the love of your life; that one person who sends shots of electricity through your body by just the smallest touch and when you look into their eyes, you know you can't live without them, well, that is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. If those sparks and total chemistry isn't there from the very beginning, then it will never work out later. Couples who experience that wild chemistry from the onset of the relationship, still have problems but when they do, that early chemistry and being in loves is what carries their relationship later.
You are obviously not in love with this man and I would hate to know that my mother spent a long miserable life with someone she didn't want to be with, just for me.
As soon as you end the relationship, the birds will start singing, and you will look back at the wasted years, and regret them but you'll be so happy that you didn't waste your whole life and when the right man comes along, and he will, you will be glad you made that crucial move.
Talk to the guy you're married to and you'll probably find out that he doesn't talk because he is also depressed and unhappy.

Answer 3

You're not happy. He's not happy. Having your kids grow up in an environment where Mom and Dad don't talk (except to fight) is completely unhealthy; what kind of ideas will they have about marriage and relationships when they grow up? 'Staying together for the kids' can often hurt more than help.

Besides, you need to consider your own happiness too. You're only 23 -- are you really ready to aceept another 60+ years of misery?? If you are really unhappy and depressed and there is no possibility of fixing your relationship, then cut your losses as soon as possible. Starting over is scary, but you'll have the chance to be happy again. And if you can be strong enough to leave now, you'll spare your children painful memories of a separation.

Things will get better -- you just have to be brave and trust in yourself.

Answer 4

This may sound harsh but, I am not trying to be mean.. Ok First of all you owe it to the kids to try EVERYTHING you can to make it with him. If and when you have and things still don't work out then you need to make that choice. Be honest with youhubby about how you are really feeling, and trust me that is hard but if you are feeling this way he has the right to know.I hope all works out for you both and even if it is apart, just remember those kids and what ever choice you both make keep them top priority. You ma not can make it together but you can show them that we all make mistakes and it's how we deal with them and the lesson we gain from it that matters.. Best of luck..
~Angel~

Answer 5

I understand your suffering but remember you need to tackle each individual separately. Instead of asking what you got out of marriage ask yourself what you gave to it. Opposites can be converted into compatibles with understanding and affection. Don't you talk while you fight, if yes, then why can't you talk without fighting. Sit with your hubby, tell him upfront that you want to discuss something important with respect to your relationship, talk it out without fighting, find out the ways you can make your relationship happy, express your expectations and know his, make commitments to each other again and start a fresh. I am sure you are going to make it. Pain of separation is stronger than the trouble of makeover. Reinvent your life. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Probably not. Have you been to see a counselor? Communications is the primary ingredient for a successful marriage. In the mean time better find a good form of birth control.

Answer 7

You rushed into a marriage with someone you didn't know, made babies, and now want to complain. You can divorce of course, but your children will suffer a split family or worse, not knowing their father. Find a girlfriend or a counselor to talk to.

Answer 8

Need counceling, stop confronting him and argueing things you know won't get resolved...in other words pick your battles carefully and find a baby sitter.
You are military I take it so I know there are many free resources available through your post...infact if you told me what post your are on I could get you the numbers to the places you can get help both for counceling and for a babysitter.
Marriages take work, lots of work. Military marriages take a whole lot more work.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you both need marriage counceling. Also I think your husband needs to start talking because communication is the key to a happy & successful marriage.

Answer 10

Thats what happens when you have kids and become adults. You'll talk less and fight more. Sometimes for reasons completely unknown. But if you two love eachother, marry eachother. Afterall, you two have 2 kids.

Just make sure you are financially ready for a wedding, home, etc.