Did I do the right thing?

Question

2 wks ago, I broke down at my counsellors (I'm suffering post traumatic depression from childhood violence), she made an emergency app at docs who put me straight on anti-depressants. When I rang my boyfriend, he told me it was a nightmare going out with me, it's all in my head & I have no-one to blame but myself. So I dumped him. I then spent the next week begging him back, but to no avail. He's bullied me the whole way through our relationship, telling me I'm messed up in the head, that I'm embarrassing, bascially dampening my spirit and undermining my friendships. I'm v insecure, so this was very damaging 4me. No matter what my head says, my heart is missing him so much. I feel pathetic cos I know (&all our friends agree) that being with him has been destroying me. But I keep having bleak moments. Should I try and get him back? I want 2b everything to him, but felt I gave all that I had &it was just never enough. I feel like I'm never going to be enough for anyone :-(

Answer 1

you should not feel that way, your boyfriend does not deserve you if he can not acknowledge what a special person you are. You know how they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What it means is that when the right guy comes along he will love you, and all of you, he will support you rather than put you down, he will b patient and kind. I know it's hard to let people go especially when you feel you love them so much. The truth is you will be ok, the road may seem long and difficult, but you need to stay strong. You must be mindful of the people you have in your life especially because you are in such a fragile state. You need to surround yourself with people who love you and want to see you through, not people who will make you feel worse. There are people in your life now that love you, so focus on that and it will help you get over your ex. trust me when you find that special someone who will be a positive light in your life you will be grateful you were strong enough to realize that you deserve better! you deserve to be loved and cherished!

Answer 2

Follow your heart. If it seems unreliable, ask for an advice from a close friend. Well here is mine. I think you should not go wanting him back. As a guy, he might take advantage of the situation, and you will be put in on more misery. You might give it all, and end up with nothing. You should play it cool and enjoy being single. As the cliche goes, there are many fishes in the see. Try not to build your world around one guy. Go out and meet more people. Let your ex be your basis for your next guy. At the least you have an idea of the what nots. Good luck

Answer 3

You did absolutely the RIGHT thing hun. He obviously didn't feel alot for you if he messed you about and made you miserable. I was in exactly in the same position, and i made the best choice of my life... to leave my ex after 10 years of bullying in a loveless relationship. Now i have been with my current boyfriend for almost 4 years and we have a beautiful baby together. This is the life i wanted so bad, and being with someone just like your ex, just makes you think what a wasted life you must have had. Move on... they always say there will be someone out there for you.. and its true. But at the moment concerntrate on getting yourself back together, and learning to love yourself. Thinking of u.

Answer 4

Yes, you did do the right thing.

Unfortunately the "right thing" does sometimes hurt.

You are doing a brave and wonderful thing to continue to see the counselor and let them help you through this extremely difficult time in your life.

When you are able to deal with your past in a healthy way it will allow you to create happy healthy relationships because you will like who you are to begin with.

You are a strong person to be delving into your painful past and it takes a special person to be brave enough to do just that.

When you are happy, content, complete and like the person you are while you are single then the right person will come along that will encourage, value, respect and support you and anything that you decide to accomplish in life.

Allow yourself to grieve for the childhood that you didn't have, the man this boyfriend was not, the pain you have gone through and then allow time and distance to heal the broken heart.

You can and will make it through this!!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may just be hidden right now behind your saddness.

Continue your counseling, do something special for yourself and remember to always be kind to yourself. Try and be everything to yourself. You are worth it!

This man is not worth your time, effort and energy! Let him go and good ridance!!

Answer 5

Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I too suffered childhood trauma that left me with huge insecurities about my value. I got into a relationship at 17 with a young man who had his own security issues and we fed off the negative in each other. We had kids and got married thinking we could fix each other but when I couldn't resolve my past it made him angry and frustrated with me.
He became degrading and that made me spiral downward till I became so self destructive.
Through true friends who were offended that anyone would talk to me the way he did towards the end, and my own spark of injustice and self worth, I left him and got divorced. I am now engaged to a wonderfull man who respects my life and value. I have been working very hard to overcome my past and learn what can make me stronger.
Please stop seeing him. If the love that you feel is real for both of you, he will want you to get healthy. Keep seeing your therapist if she is helping you, if you feel unheard then keep looking till you find someone who is comfortable to talk to.
You have to take charge of your own life and make it better, it is the only way to live a happy life. And please explore your chosen form of spirituality, it can really take you out of your own problems and give you perspective and hope for a peacefull life.
I wish you the best of luck and remember you can survive this and become stronger than you ever thought possible.
Peace

Answer 6

You don't want him, you just miss the emotional crutch. You have a lot of issues to deal with, and you certainly don't need an unsupportive boyfriend who abuses you to add to the list. Ideally, you should hold out until you feel you're stronger mentally before you enter into another relationship so that you can rely on yourself first. Hang on in there, better times are coming - you've made the first big step and you're free of one of your miseries. A decent guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve is out there somewhere.

Answer 7

Of course you did the right thing, you deserve better than that. What he did was verbally abusive. No one deserves that, especially if they are going through and sorting out problems of the past. What you need is a support, someone to build you up, not tear you down. I am so glad you have the confidence and self-worth to end this relationship. Dont ever take him back no matter what he promises.

Stay strong.

Answer 8

This guy is the last human being you need to be around. You have enough to deal with lone less someidiotic guy who emotionally abuses you. This does you no good.In fact he compounds your problem and what your past isnt detroying,he is with his actions. Right now he may seem like hes the only guy alive who wants you, but you need to get yourself straightened out first and the worry about your love life second. Once done,youll be able to chase any guy you want and probably catch and keep him too. Guys like the one you have now are a dime a dozen but real men like you need take a little more looking to find. You deserve better and someday soon youll get someone better. You can do it and you know it, but take care of yourself first and the rest will take care of itself and stick with your friends. Theyre more right than you realize! Good luck and take care

Answer 9

It sounds like he has you brain washed...you're feeling this way because you allowed him to get into your head and make you feel worthless when you're not. Your worthy of finding somebody who will not demolish your self-worth by putting you down...and actually this is very cowardly of him to put you down when you're in a weak state of mind. He needs to be in your corner supporting you because obviously you went through some traumatic distress early in childhood that's still bothering you. Quit him and move on their are guys out here that will have your back no matter what and isn't judgemental....

Answer 10

If one of your mates asked you this question you would know what to say. Be honest with yourself, you can't go back. Spend time instead with people who make you feel good about yourself. The pills will kick in and you will start to find out that you actually are a great person without him. God made you and he didn't make a mistake!