How does a Gentleman, tell her "It's over"?

Question

**I'd like to avoid any trash-talking answers, if I may?**

That's the question. If you want an explanation. Read on:

Several Life-changing events. Has caused me go in another direction. Neither of which is the fault of someone that I've shared my fellings with, for quite sometime.

I hope to come out of it, as good friends. I no longer am able to give her the emotional support that comes from being in a lasting relationship. And we both should go our seperate ways. So how do I tell her?

Dinner? Take a certain Bouquet of Flowers to her House? Have her over to my Place?

I'm open to any and all suggestions. As long as it shows her the respect, that she so rightfully deserves.

Can anyone help me out?

Quite a few great answers. You folks are gonna make it real difficult to choose a Best Answer!

Answer 1

Been there...Don't be mean, but be direct. The longer you draw it out the more difficult it is for both of you. Do it in person, in private and gently. Start with the conclusion you've arrived at (the hardest part) and then, if she wants to hear it, tell her your thoughts, feelings and reasons for the conclusion. Remaining friends is an admirable goal that, unfortunately, is only half in your hands. Handle it directly and as a true gentleman should and you may retain her friendship. Good luck...Sorry you even have to ask this question.

Answer 2

hoorah, there are still a few gentlemen in the world!

but at the end of the day, you're ending the relationship with her. If she still really cares about you, she will be unhappy however you do it, and now is not really the time to be thinking about etiquette, now is the time to tell her in a way that will hurt her least. It's not a dignified affair to end a relationship, so show a bit of humanity to her. Explain to her your reasons honestly, as you have done here, and then do her the courtesy of giving her some space to grieve. Explain to her that it's not a good idea for the 2 of you to be in touch for a while. Yes, the polite thing to do is try to remain friends, but in the short term this will be more hurtful for her because she'll think you still have a chance.

So no flowers, no contact, honest explanation. That will help her get over it.

Answer 3

Buzz....As the gentleman that you are....the best bet would be to be gently honest with her. In no way should you EVER make her think that anything she has done has caused this. Explain that through a series of events in your life, your outlook and direction has changed and that the relationship, while a good relationship, is headed somewhere you just can't be right now. Explain that you need to go your way and that you don't want to lose the friendship whith her.

In all honesty....I wouldn't want to go out to dinner to hear this...its kinda like a pity meal. I would sit down with her either at your home or her's.

Answer 4

Just have an open conversation, tell her what your feeling and that you are no longer able to stay in the relationship w/o living a lie. Dump the flowers, no gift will do here.
Just be honest and tell her the truth, remaining in a friendship will be difficult if she is in love w/you.

Answer 5

She does deserve your respect that is for sure. If you are in a one way relationship the only way is out. It is good that you are not just hitting the road and are giving her feelings consideration. Make sure you really are ready to go before you tell her though, because it is a very real possibility that she will tell you" don't let the door knob hit you in the a.. That is probably how I would respond if my guy did that.

Answer 6

My best 'break-up' occured over dinner, in a quiet out of the way place that wasn't too crowded (so not a lot of people saw me cry) and he was simply honest. No b/s, just honest - what you wrote above should come out in the conversation.

I know this is a really difficult decision and highly stressful. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

Definitely do it in public. It will help to avoid a scene. Also It will limit the time you are together. Don't go on for more than an hour. Make sure you make it clear that there is no chance for getting back together. It would be wrong to lead her on to believe there is still a chance.

Answer 8

well the only thng tht comes to my mind right now is..if i were in the position of the woman ,i wud have felt better bout the break up if i had just read the question u've asked..Its really so sweet of u to have asked such a qstn.....this wud wrk the best cos lets be practical..if u'd say how much u respect 4 her and wht feelings u really have for her...she just wud'nt believe it...its really hard to make women understand the state of mind ur currently in....i wish u luck pal...

Answer 9

Whatever you do , make sure your honest . And be sure you mean what you say BEFORE you say it .

I think I'd start off by saying what you said here .. .. . . 'due to several life-changing experiences I feel that I have changed' . I would feel terrible by leading you on and I want to be honest with you . I still like you and enjoy your company , but something is different for me . And it would bother me to see you hurt . I'm willing to stay in touch and talk whenever you'd like . But until I can figue-out what's happening to me , I think we should take a step back , and maybe later we'll see things differently . I don't know for sure , but maybe it'll stay this way and like I said , it's important to me to be honest with you .

Well Buzz , it's hard to speak for someone else and their thoughts and feelings , but you may want to consider this . Or maybe not .

Answer 10

It was obvious that things we're not headed in a great direction between an ex bf and me, I called and said it's time we had the talk and offered to talk there on the phone or meet. He was no dummy and scensed something was up...you're gal might also...We talked on the phone and it went well...hard, but it was good to not see each other fall apart, etc...he opted for that choice.