Morning light appears.
Amber, red and orange sighs;
memories of lying in your arms
2007-05-30 01:32:29 · 10 answers · asked by meredith 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
First off, I like it very much the way it is. I like how it builds.
If you want to go for the traditional 5/7/5 format, you could consider trimming the last line. If you clipped it to "lyining in your arms" that would work nicely, but it would change the meaning of the poem.
I love the simplicity. wonderful.
Joe
2007-05-30 01:41:53 · answer #1 · answered by Joseph G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A decent haiku, and not strictly relative to your gender alone.
I see dozens of Q's today asking "Do You Like" I hope you all connect, even network regarding each others work.
The answer may not always be "yes", but there truly is no right or wrong in ones personal, usually passionate; expressions.
I've been writing since I learned how, and have probably lost more thoughts than I've ever penned, but I keep at it every day no matter. So often "WE" write for ourselves, even as a cathartic, theraputic method of release, or venting. There is no sin in the process.
"To deny ones passions is to risk losing them." (S. Wolf) 2007
2007-05-30 09:14:05 · answer #2 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poem gets the green light from me!
2007-05-30 08:48:09 · answer #3 · answered by leesa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will linger longer should you stay.
But, alas we both know that you have to go;
When dusk appears, and you start to yearn for me,
I will be back in your arms and this time, to stay.
Hope you don't mind but I finished it for you
2007-05-30 08:44:03 · answer #4 · answered by INCOGNITO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You nailed it. A woman's visual experiences during love making and being in love, you have captured with such few words.
Well done.
2007-05-30 08:41:32 · answer #5 · answered by mim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too vague in detail, and no fire to get excited about.
It evokes little for me.
2007-05-30 08:47:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really sweet and the imagery is great
2007-05-30 10:06:11 · answer #7 · answered by anna s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg this is so incredibly unforgettibly BAD BAD BAD, you hurt my EYES reding this
2007-05-30 10:01:55 · answer #8 · answered by gangster.girl1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too short to tell give us some more...
2007-05-30 08:46:39 · answer #9 · answered by scottish football ....nuff said 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty!
2007-05-30 11:37:22 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋