Before we were married, my husband cheated withh is ex and mother of his other 2 children (we have one child together). Since then of course i cant trust him with her so he hasnt been communicating with her for over 2 years. We have been using his mother as a neutral for the kids. Now we have moved away and he has to talk to his ex girlfriend in order to let the kids come way up to where we live. I am trying to give him space to do so. How can i make myself less anxious and give him room to communicate with her effectively?
2007-05-30 00:20:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband shows that he is truly sorry and that it was a one time mistake. He goes to great lengths even still these 2 years later to show me how sorry he is and make it up to me.
2007-05-30 00:26:35 · update #1
When you decided to marry him, you forgave him. Why don't you continue that forgiveness and trust him for a change. Obviously he can cheat you, but your worrying about it will not solve anything. It is out of your control, so don't worry about it too much.
As to his having to talk to his exwife about the kids, that's bullshit. If the kids are living with you, you should be their step mother and take care of their needs. Treat the kids equal to your own.
2007-05-30 00:36:39 · answer #1 · answered by blind_chameleon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who are you to "permit" anything? Whether you like it or not, this man has a responsiblity to his 2 children. Part of that responsibility is to communicate with their mother about issues that affect them. This is HIS responsibility, not his mother's. Furthermore, you have no moral or legal right to stand in the way of this. Whatever happened in the past is over. If you couldn't deal with it, you should not have married him. He has told you he was sorry and he's been a good husband to you. That's enough. Try to be a loving wife to him, instead of the controlling, insecure woman you are now. Otherwise, let the man go. No doubt, he'll be a happier person.
2007-05-30 09:13:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kudos to the fact that he is trying to make amends for his mistake. The best thing you can do is talk to him. Both of you are nursing emotional wounds: you for being cheated on, and he has no ties with his other children. You need to sit down and figure out how he can approach his ex calmly and civilly, to develop a relationship with his other children. I would recommend counseling all around, however; there has been enough pain and suffering regarding everyone. In terms of trust issues, both you and your husband might consider marital counseling, so you can develop coping skills and re-build trust in the relationship. I don't know who he cheated with (you or the ex), but I suspect that there is bad blood between you and the woman in question. Let it go. The children in this situation need both parents, on both sides; children can sense tension, and it makes them insecure. They need to know that their world is stable. In short, try to move past what happened, and concentrate on the children in the situation. Good luck and God bless.
2007-05-30 08:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, i am sorry for the situation you find yourself in, however the distrust comes from you knowing he cheated on his first wife, and sorry to say, you have to either suck it up and try an trust him or you have to let him go. If you don't have trust it will never work anyway. And i really feel for these kids involved in it all. Also what would make you think his ex would even want him back after he cheated on her?
2007-05-30 07:36:26 · answer #4 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is admirable that you overcame your hurt and anxiety concerning your husband´s infidelity with his ex & mother of his two other children. It is even more admirable that your immediate family(your husband, child and you) took the step and moved away. It is also noteworthy that your husband´s Mother has served as a medium for the continued relationship between your husband and his two other children.
Now that distance has intervened, it is extremely important that your husband´s two other children have continual bonding with their biological Father. It appears that will happen only if their Mother is in accordance. Have an honest woman -to-woman with her and speak honestly about how you want her children(your child´s half siblings) to experience the same love and attention from their father as your child does. Assure her that when her children are with your family, that they will be treated with love and utmost respect.
Speak with your husband and honestly confirm how sensitive the situation is and have him truly understand your perspective.
Concentrate on supporting the important bonding relationship between your child and your husband´s other two children.
Time has a way of quieting rough waters. When you observe that your husband is truly dedicated to your family and to bridging the relationships between his other two children and your child, your residual anxiety concerning his prior infidelity will diminish.
2007-05-30 09:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by NASTURTIUM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I have to agree with KJA63. Usually once a cheater, always a cheater. There are few and far between that do it once and realize it was the biggest mistake of their life and don't do it again but most of them continue to do it. What I don't understand is why you married him if you knew he cheated on you in the first place?
2007-05-30 07:30:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married a cheater!! You knew what you had honey. Now you either have to forgave him and let all that BULL go! If you really can't forgive him and trust him..then you shouldnt be with him. He NEEDs to communicate with the mother of his kids (especially if minors) You have to deal with your issues regarding your hubby but make up your mind because you can't have it both ways.
2007-05-30 07:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married a man that you KNEW to be a cheat. Now you are stuck with him and there's nothing you can do to relieve your anxieties because "once a cheater, always a cheater." And you KNOW that.
2007-05-30 07:24:23 · answer #8 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
he will do that again. the fact that he cheated with her shows that sex was beyond his will. it still is. he misses it. he might love u with all his heart but he still misses sex with her
2007-05-30 07:40:34 · answer #9 · answered by yeahright 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋