We have had this problum before. We went to a church and they basicly gave him the 3rd degree and told him sex was wrong b4 u r married. Well now almost a year after being told that and me being a sex crazed ninfo having to beg for sex from my own man for a year we are married. We just got married may 26, and well we haven't had sex for 2 weeks b4 we got married and yet here it is the 29th and we still haven't had sex. Yes i had my period on the night of our wedding but it ended yesterday and he still doesn't want to have sex with me. I just don't understand.....How can a guy not want sex. We have been together for 4 years and married for a few days and this sucks his sex drive has gone down hill WAY DOWN HILL only this past year. I blame it on that dam church he was going to. But now he isn't going and he still doesn't want sex. I'm lost. We used to have sex all the time even when we split for a few months just moved away from eachother...We had sex like there was no tomarrow.But now?
2007-05-28 17:09:56 · 36 answers · asked by knj_7142003 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
for one you don't know me and for 2 you don't know the church i belong to ither. Or at least we both used to belong to . And hunny he drope dout of the church way b4 me and I do respect his not wantting sex. I just want to know why he doesn't want it anymore. I need to understand why we went from Rabits to 90 year old people who don't or can't or won't have it. and another thing that i couldn't add to my exsplination hunny is he doesn't even understand why he doesn't want it anymore. He doesn't even have the feeling or urge to masterbate or play with him self. So he already knows he has an issue as well.
2007-05-28 17:28:51 · update #1
From the first part of your question it sounded like you had never had sex and now that you are married he still doesn't want to. But you said that you have been together for four years and have been having sex during that time. Usually newly weds have sex all the time when they haven't been sleeping together before. It does seen strange that he doesn't ewant sex. Does he work hard and is tired when he gets home? Maybe you bugging him all the time about it makes him want it less. Try having a romantic date night and see how things go....
2007-05-28 17:18:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have been married 2 years and I'm sorta in a similar situation. My husband hardly, if ever, wants sex. He is good if he gets it once every other week. When we first met we would have sex 5 times a day, 7 days a week, but not now. He says he doesn't know why, he is either always tired, stressed or just not in the mood. I swear the only time he is in the mood is when I'm on my period, then he wont leave me be. But as soon as its over, he is uninterested again. He does work a lot and in a stressful job, but sex is supposed to help with stress. so it sucks. I would set down and talk to him about it. Tell him that it is bothering you and it makes you feel unwanted and unattractive. Maybe suggest him going to the Dr to see if anything physically is wrong, they can give him testosterone, if needed. If that doesn't work, see a marriage counselor, that's what hubby's Dr suggested for us. It would help both of us realize where each other were coming from and what we needed. That could be an option for you two as well. Good luck and congrats on the marriage!
2007-05-28 17:47:02 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this guy has some serious issues, and I doubt they relate to a church. Speaking as a guy, this doesn't sound at all natural. I'm not at all sure why you got married knowing there was a problem in the first place. Here's the deal. You talk to him. Tell him you are his wife and such priviledges as sex belong to you. Ask him, in gentle tones, what the deal is. Maybe he is impotent and embarrassed? It's a possibility. Try to get things worked out. If it's a physical problem, he goes to a doctor. If it's something else, you both go to marriage counseling. If he refuses to do ANYTHING, he is hopelessly screwed up. If he will not cooperate, your only real choice is an anullment. You will note I have over 250-some points on here, and this is the first time I've ever advised anyone to get an anullment. (That's only if he refuses to resolve the issue by getting professional help.) Best of luck.
Kent in SD
2007-05-28 17:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by duckgrabber 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a really good question you ask. My situation is similar. We have been together 5 yrs now, and sex doesn't seem to be important to him. I think that counseling may be an option for you. Counseling that is separate at first so he doesn't feel awkward. Then possibly counseling together. There has to be a reason for goodness sake!
I know that in my case, my fiance is without a job right now and I'm sure that has some impact on the situation. Maybe your guy is depressed, or overworked. I'm thinking depression plays a part with my guy. Right now he feels useless as a man and provider.
I agree with you totally, this sucks. But it can't last forever. Just sit down and make a list of what makes both of you the happiest. If there are blanks in the relationship, these could be hurting the sex part. By that, I mean they weigh so heavy, sex just doesn't seem important right now.
Good Luck Hun
2007-05-28 17:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by DebbK 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It will take a little while to undo what the church has put in his mind about sex. Thoughts are powerful and are probably what is causing him to not have interest in it at the moment. If you are sure that it is not a medical problem then I would just start out slowly with nothing unusual.
My hubby's whole family was involved in the church and it took him a long time to get the thoughts of sex being bad and dirty out of his head. (yes even after we were married) It will take a little while but, eventually he will come back to the sex hungry man that he was. Until then no kinky stuff what so ever (believe me it will send him farther back from where he is now) Just nice normal good girl stuff till he starts to relax about sex again, then you can throw back in the extra spice!
2007-05-28 17:20:56 · answer #5 · answered by hotelmajor 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, a lot of churches will teach you that sex is bad before you're married, which it is and not teach you that it is more than necessary when you are married. Sex is FOR married people. And, its a sin to withhold sex from your spouse for any reason other than sickness, stress or fatigue. When you become married you are as one, and your body belongs to him and his to you. The Book of Solomon is very romantic and you should read it. Go to biblegateway.com and read "Song of Solomon". and use "Today's New International Version" I pray that your marriage is blessed. Advice for a wife of a man of faith; when you have a problem with something your husband has done or is doing, pray about it, don't nag him it only makes it worse. God will hear your prayer because he wants your husband to make good decisions for your family.
Be blessed.
2007-05-28 17:27:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, Listen, I don't really shoot from the hip on divorce, but sex is a big issue for you. I would get out of that marriage while the getting is good. This is not going to get any better. At first it was the church, and now it's what? The tempature of the pool? This is a game you want to get out of. Good luck.
2007-06-02 12:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by Irish Rider 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he just seems super paranoid not a risk taker something might of scared him now he lives in fear he thinks ill just keep everything the same and that way i wont have to deal with any worrries mayby a anxity problem i would talk to a physisan together to reasure him that the meds are ok and work well to prevent pregnatcy also see about couples coulsling use this time to become intimate in other ways get to really feel safe and secure with one another when the fear is gone you have faith and that brings togetherness
2016-04-01 02:07:08 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe hes scared of marriage. now that hes married maybe he feels like What Did I DO. maybe he was nervous before the wedding too. id say stay supportive for a while, talk to him about it understandingly but probably shouldnt over-do it at first, keep being affectionate w/o sex if he is accepting of that. if his lack of interest lingers, id suggest u both see a therapist and hopefully get things resolved. good luck
2007-05-28 17:27:42 · answer #9 · answered by AlwaysWondering 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
honey don't be upset with your husband.....he may be at the point in his life where he is having a problem keeping it up.....has he started having health issues that he knows about, or is he on any medication.....some men prefer not to embarrass themselves if they are having this problem, it makes them feel less of a man when they are having a problem such as this......talk him into going to the doctor for a full complete physical, tell him you are concerned about his health, and want to make sure, he is doing and feeling ok and if he has health issues that he does not know about....you would like to know if he has any, so you both can concentrate on being healthy...and if he is having a problem keeping it up you can get help for that also.....be patient with your man help him, and not harm him with words
2007-05-28 17:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋