I found out about my husband affair 4 months ago and he acts like its me that has done something wrong.?

Question

what do I do?

Thanks 4 some of the answers that I have received, I guess I need to break it down, I met with this female because I called and checked his voice mail that is how I got her number and when I spoke with her she stated that she did not know that this brotha was married. She said that they had an affair in Jan. That night she seen all the proof she neede to see that this guy was married. This female is still there. My husband in other words says I dont have any proof. Guess what I do, and I will let him hang himself

Answer 1

Go to couple therapy. Of course he is going to blame you, but there was something that obviously caused his infidelity to ease his insecurities

Answer 2

I have been through the same situation. He knows that he is at fault, but he does not want to accept that responsibility of knowing he was at fault. So in turn, he will put all the blame on you and make you feel like you are the one to blame. My ex did me the same way. All you can do is let him know that you have not done anything wrong - he did and that you don't appreciate him putting the blame on you when you did nothing wrong. Also, you may have to end the the relationship - I had to. When someone cheats on the other in a relationship, it is hard for the relationship to ever return to normal because the trust has been broken and things will never be the same.

Answer 3

This is his way of controling you. He wants you to stick around because YOU feel bad and he doesn't want to face the fact that he was wrong. Talk to him and see if he is willing to go to counseling. You both need to attend. If he won't, then you obviously can't trust him, and how can you have a marriage without trust? You need to focus on what's best for you and making yourself happy if he isn't willing to work with you on repairing this marriage. Good luck!

Answer 4

Dont listen to him tell you it was something you had done, you werent the one having the affair, that just is a cop-out, so he doesnt have to face up to the music. Has he explained why, it is something that is his problem, and even if you werent getting on at all, or working too much, or whatever.....he is the one that did the wrong thing.

Answer 5

He won't take the blame for what he has done. He wants to blame you. Tell him you want to go to marriage counseling. If he doesn't go, then you need to think real hard about staying with this guy because once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 6

The reason your husband blames you is because he can't face the things he's done.

He's trying to justify the aweful things he's done.

If I was you and you are hoping to stay in this marriage I'd try to get him to go to marriage counsling.

If you don't get counsling I think your going to have a long life ahead of you.

Answer 7

did you forgive him for the affair?because if you did then you have to move on,if you have not yet, then find out what he has to say about having the affair,does he blame you because of lake of attention he was feeling,or lake of closeness that he had to go somewhere else,there is no excuse for him to blame you for his actions,but you wont be able to move on if you don't figure out what you both want out of the rest of your lives besides living miserable together, communication, you need to start talking ..

Answer 8

U mean after u hit him with a car. U kick hes butt out the house , b/c he will do it again , they say they wont but that is a lie. And just live ur life in bless that he is no loger ur headache.

Answer 9

People that mess up big time don't want to accept responsibilty for the actions. They blame everyone else. Seek counseling, if he won't go because he didn't do anything wrong then go for you...

Answer 10

Sounds like he is still having the affair because he is projecting his guilt onto you. I would get counseling,if he refuses I would move on. You deserve better.