I am so tired of,?

Question

of trying so hard to get my husband to pay more attention to me. I feel like i am the only one that makes any effort in our marriage to make things exciting. I have changed a lot to please him, but nothing works. We have been married a long time and im just giving up. Why doesnt he understand how much i love him and want him to make more of an effort to make me feel loved?. And Yes i have talked to him about this...........to many times to count.

Answer 1

My mom taught me a long time ago that what it takes to get a man, is also what it takes to keep him. And I'm not talking about looks or minor changes. I'm talking about who you were when you first met? Were you one who did things on her own? Had an agenda and didn't need the help of others? Or were you clingy and starving for attention? Those things matter hon. Men get nervous when the wife they've learned to take for granted all of a sudden starts doing her own thing and stops seeking his approval. Sometimes it takes a little more than just asking him what he wants to make him happy.....sometimes it takes us taking our own steps to find that happiness ourselves. And don't get me wrong, in no way, shape or form am I recommending an affair. I'm simply saying that you need to find yourself and find that happiness within yourself. Go back to the basics, your old dreams, your views on life and start living for yourself, rather than solely for him. Not only will you become a better, more well rounded person, but he'll start noticing and respecting you more...which always leads to the attention you seek.

Answer 2

Dear Mo, I have read your question and many of the responses and I don't think any of them will be too effective (not to take away from other posters who put their time into this).
Like everything else, if you want to find out what's going on, you need to look for root causes not to simply try to fix the symptoms. Your husband not paying enough attention to you is a symptom of something deeper and you need to find out what that is. I don't know your lifestyle so I cannot tell for sure but here are a few things that myself, as a guy, would suggest:
1. Is there too much on his mind? does he work too much? is he always tired? Is he not making enough money to run the household? If so, you might want to try to take some load off of him and share the burden. Personally when I am stressed out I have a hard time paying attention to anyone, including my spouse. By the way I do get stressed when the money runs low.
2. Has your appearance changed since you got married? Did you gain too much weight? do you still dress up enough times? do you fix your hair? Do you make yourself nice looking?
3. Do you plan trips together? Do you ask him to? Many times you need to travel together on long trips to rekindle your past. Do you watch old films and pictures together? you might arrange for that.
4. Family and friends environment: Does he spend too much time with family and friends? Sometimes they take up all of your time and you have no time left. Have you tried finding new friends?
Other than that, you might start getting creative and come up with nice new ways to get him excited again. Everyone hates the mundane.
Good luck :)

Answer 3

Things to try:
Counseling
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix

Answer 4

Stop trying to get his attention and do your own thing. Not cheating, but let yourself be happy without the attention you want and deserve from him. Once he see's you have stopped he will start thinking about why. Men sometimes, plus women get way to comfortable with their mate and don;t try anymore. It's a shame because this is what causes so many marriages to fail nowadays.

Answer 5

first of all, i have been with the same man for 11 or 12 years....i cant even remember. but its never exciting. maybe once or twice a year we go out and have fun just us.
you cant talk to most(98 percent)of men about stuff like that....they dont get it, nor do they want to hear it!
i think giving up is childish of you! what exactly do you need?
to feel loved? he never says it or shows it in any way at all? there must be subtle things. it doesnt state if you have kids or not. hmmm....you are being overly romantic in your idea of marriage.
why do you need so much attention? if you are bored, go out and do something, or find a friend. he married you, didnt he????what man marries a woman who he doesnt love or have feelings for?
men dont get it, never will. the best way to never get what you want is to harp on him about it all the time.
try ignoring him for a few(3or4)days. if he asks something, act like a man! you say:i dont know, or sure, whatever, okay.
never answer like you normally would.
men like challenges...be one!

Answer 6

The next step is marriage counseling, and yes it does work. Sometimes hearing the same thing from someone who has nothing vested in the relationship, and is an impartial 3rd party, does wonders. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

It's not supposed to be that way. You should be the center of his world. How does he spend/devote his time if not with you? I think something drastic will have to happen in order for change to take place. You may have to walk a way or try counseling on your own (if he won't go with you) and just get to the heart of the matter. Could he be harboring some resentment towards you and this is his way of hurting you? It's probably very hurtful.

Answer 8

Tell your husband ya'll need to see a marriage counselor. Lay the cards out on the table. Counseling does wonders...

Answer 9

You try too hard and he takes you for granted. Start ignoring him and being cold for a while and he may be so surprised that he'll turn around. He needs to lose you to appreciate you. If that doesn't work, then your relationship is probably lost. Divorce him.

Answer 10

well if you would like you can talk to me i will listen. Maybe you are trying to hard or maybe he is like my wife and if that's the case you might as well just give up