he's really stressed out about it and i dont know what to say to help him.
suggestions?
2007-05-28 15:41:08 · 23 answers · asked by :) :) :) :) 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your boyfriend needs your ears to listen to his laments, so be a good listener. If he asks you what your advice is then you should tell him he should talk to his parents about this. He really should talk to both dad and mom and tell them this is really bothering him a lot and why. Of course mom and dad may be too wrapped up in their own hurt to listen to him too much but they will think about it later when they are evaluating their own lives. There are no set rules of how to "be" in this situation and divorce is the worst thing to live through because it damages everyone involved.
2007-05-28 15:47:44 · answer #1 · answered by john m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be supportive. In these times divorce is an all too common thing..
it may not help to remind him of that, however remind him again that people grow and they change. it doesn't' mean that is parents love him less it is that they have grown apart.
Remind him that as much as it hurt it is better for the family. Watching parents fight is an horrible experience. However watching parents thrive and find happiness goes a long way.
Be patient with him, it is a rough patch. However everybody will come out the other side happier.
Divorced parents do neat things out of guilt like try to buy your love. Tell him to enjoy the honeymoon period where the gifts and special treatment are abundant..
2007-05-28 15:48:33 · answer #2 · answered by smedrik 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he just needs to know that you are there no matter what. He may not need your words of comfort or big actions to know that you care but just to know that you will be there. When parents get divorced it can seem like the people you depend on most aren't stable anymore and won't be there in ways you've been used to for you're whole life. So often people then push others away dont' feel secure that things they used to trust are really what they thought they were. He may not even know he's doing it. Just be patient and follow his lead for what he says he needs which may just be for you to sit with him when he's hurting.
2016-05-20 03:18:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this when I first started to date my boyfriend. Don't pressure him to talk. Just let him know you care about him and that you want to be there for him. He will talk when he is ready. Also, unless you truely understand first hand what going through a divorce with your own parents is like then DO NOT say that you understand or that you know how he feels because you don't and if he is anything like my boyfriend he will be quick to tell you that you don't. Try to keep his mind off of things. Don't try to take up all his time now because he needs lots of time for himself. Just let him know you care that's the bigggest thing I found helpful because when he was ready to talk about his feelings he did it and wasn't embarassed or anything like that. Oh yeah.. stay away from his house during this time. Invite him out or over to yours when you get together. I found that his parents were tryyyinggg soooo hard to out do each other with pleasing me and him together... ie dinner.. attention.. that sort of thing. It gets overwhelming. I hope this helps!
2007-05-28 15:49:07 · answer #4 · answered by ladyusc229 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable that he's really stressed out about it. Divorce is difficult for the entire family. Just let him know that, if he wants to talk about it, you are SO there for him. Also let him know that if he doesn't want to talk about, that's cool.
The main thing is that he really needs someone to help him get through this in whatever way is going to work for him. Don't let him hibernate too much but don't force him to go out *all* the time, either. Let him dictate how much outside activity he wants & just go with it.
Good luck!
2007-05-28 15:48:25 · answer #5 · answered by Babs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a difficult situation. You cannot pretend to know what he's feeling or going through - so don't say I understand what you're feeling. Rather, if he brings it up emphasize that you see he is "frustrated" or "angry" or "sad". Validate his feelings vs. stating I understand how you feel.
Most importantly "listen, listen, listen, listen". Sometimes just listening is what a person needs someone to do vs. solving what they are speaking of.
Realize that he will be dealing with these feelings for the rest of his life.
Good Luck to you, and I hope he works through his feelings of his parents divorce.
2007-05-28 15:45:36 · answer #6 · answered by 'Barn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you feel helpless right now but just being there and listening when he needs it is the best thing you can do. Try to keep things as normal as possible between the two of you and maybe do things that will make him laugh. He'll need that with all the other chaos that's going on.
2007-05-28 15:46:07 · answer #7 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there to listen to him when he needs to talk and needs a shoulder to lean on. Don't force him to talk about it, just be there for when he is ready. Not everyone is the talking type when it comes to something stressful in their lives.
2007-05-28 15:44:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for him, listen to him whenever he needs or wants you to, don't make him talk about it if he doesn't want to, and don't tell him that it's not his fault or that it is his fault that they are divorcing because we never want to hear that (my mom and dad is divorced).
2007-05-28 15:45:08 · answer #9 · answered by T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Laugh and tell him at least he gets 2 Christmases?! Hah, no really. Just stand by his side and let him lean on you and vent.
2007-05-28 15:44:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋