ME AND MY BOYFRIEND HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 6 YRS. AND LAST YR WHILE I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD HE CHEATED ON ME WITH A PUERTO RICAN GIRL FOR ABOUT A MONTH, I WAS STUPID FOR TAKING HIM BACK.BUT I LOVE HIM AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME. WELL THIS GIRL LIVES IN NEW YORK AND SHE CAME BACK HERE ABOUT A MONTH AGO, AND I KEEP THINKING THAT MAYBE HE'S STILL SEEING HER WHICH I DON'T KNOW IF HE EVEN KNOWS SHE'S BACK. HE HASN'T GIVIN ME A REASON.BUT I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD JUST TELL HIM TO BE WITH HER SAYING THAT HE DESERVES TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE HER INSTEAD OF ME, SEE WHEN HE'S DRUNK HE SAYS HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO BE WITH ME SO I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD STAY WITH HIM OR JUST LET HIM GO, EITHER WAY I'M THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO BE GETTING HURT.
2007-05-28 13:07:56 · 9 answers · asked by CASPER 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, sweetie, your relationship is in the toilet, and here is why... and it's an easy one to figure out.
Relationships/marriages are respect, admiration, passion and trust. The trust is gone with betrayal, and the passion the guy has shared with someone else... so the respect and admiration are in the toilet too....
And why did this happen? Also easy. You and he had children before your bond was strong, and no one told either of you that kids are divisive, not bonding... as my mom said, a kid can destroy anything... and the kids destroyed what you had...You were, hon, the babe, the sex pot, the sexy, hot lady, and you became mom and housekeeper. ;( He was the man the dude, the sex machine, and now is father and provider... ;( Sweetie, these are two roles you both slid into because of becoming parents before you were ready.... no one told you that your attitudes would change... surprise, they did. ... you did, and for sure his did...
Does he love you? Sure. But he also wants to remember what it was like to think with his little head.... And why is he out with some hot lady???? because he wishes to recapture what he was once... the man the sex machine, the lusty guy.
What ought you to do? Well, hon, betrayal is the deal buster in most people's lives and relationships. But, you two have children who really need their father in their lives. In your place, if you can, get into counseling, and see if you even wish to stay with this guy. there is always the line "Once a cheater, always one", and I do believe that is true.... so you have lots of forgiving to do... But if he wants you around, and wants to continue to cheat, then, sweetie, your are being kept as the Jerk In Reserve, and that means, time to leave, file, and find someone worthy of you.
Your situation is soooo common, it is practically a formula for disaster... children too soon, and men, as well as women, wanting what they had before the kids came and totally unprepared for the attutude changes... We should be teaching this in school... alas we do not... as a teacher, my apologies........
Get some counseling, even if he won't go. If he wants to save your marriage,for sure make it a condition that you will stay, otherwise, or you're outa there, He needs an attitude adjustment, and without it, you are wasting your time. A
And think about going back to school hon, and finishing your education... children and your degree are forever, husbands and lovers are not.
2007-05-28 13:43:00 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
taking a cheater back presents many probelms one of which you stated - trust you may have forgiven but not forgotten
the fact that he cheated while yyou were pregant sickens me
and when you are drunk you usually tend to let go of any inhibitations and tell the truth
if it were me I would take my children as now they are my priority and move on
2007-05-28 13:55:00 · answer #2 · answered by Jeni W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you leave or he has to..there's no other way to change this..
he clearly doesn't love you if he even says when he's drunk "he doesn't want to be with you"..then there's no reason to stay..
get yourself and the kids out and move on. good luck to you.
2007-05-28 14:38:39 · answer #3 · answered by cnn360coffeebubbles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about how you feel. Mention to him the things he said while being drunk and how he's hurting you. You can't know what's going on with him unless you communicate.
2007-05-28 13:12:17 · answer #4 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you can decide if u can forgive him or not. well you cna at least say he didnt dump you for her ( what my ex husband did ) use your own judgment if u feel liek things are repairable give it a shot, but if u think its a lost cuase than you know what you have to do. good luck
2007-05-28 13:12:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL WHEN YOUR DRINKIN YOU TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW YOU REALLY FEEL AND EVERYTHING COMES OUT. SO TO THAT NOTE YOU NEED TO TELL HIS *** TO UP AND LEAVE AND YOU WILL SEE HIS *** IN COURT END OF STORY YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT YOU DONT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT ****.
2007-05-28 13:32:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go, you deserve someone who is with you and your kids, not someone who can't make up their mind.
2007-05-28 13:16:39 · answer #7 · answered by tannerlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go, or it will be like this forever. Is that what you want? We can change only ourselves, not our mates.
2007-05-28 13:12:06 · answer #8 · answered by Katyana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ma'am, i'd letting him go..., i'm not s very patient person, i wouldn't have taken him back the first time...... (partly because of my parent's divorce) but mostly because i don't put up with crap, i'd let his cheatin butt go.
2007-05-28 13:21:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋